Advice in Love Relationships » Relationship Advice

Is Equality Important in Your Marriage? Part 2:

drwelpton — Fri, 18 May 2012 19:21:30 +0000

At our next appointment Scott and Karen said they were doing better in their marriage. They were spending more time together. They had begun to take walks early in the morning and were watching movies like they used to do.
Karen said, “In spite of our improvement there are still times when I don’t feel good about myself. I fall back into being submissive. I don’t like it when I do that. Is there something that I can do to help me with those times?”
“There is,” I replied. “Do you have a picture in your mind of you being assertive the way you want to be?” I asked. “Perhaps something you did recently?”
Karen thought for a moment. “I started managing our finances,” she said. “I offered to do the job following our last meeting to unburden Scott. He said it would be a big relief for him.”
“How do you feel when you’re doing the finances?” I asked.
“I feel great,” Karen said. “I feel really competent and in control. I know what I’m doing and I know I do it well. Our bills are all paid on time and we know exactly where we stand with our accounts. We are now better able to plan for the future.”
“What do you look like when you’re writing the checks and managing the books?” I asked.
Karen replied, “I’m sitting at my desk dressed in comfortable clothes. I’m focused. I feel in charge.”
“Good,” I said. “Are you smiling or looking serious?”
“I’m smiling,” Karen said, “because I know even if there’s a problem I will get it straightened out. It’s just a matter of taking the time to get all the figures.”
“What I want you to do right now,” I responded, “is to close your eyes and hold the image of you sitting tall in your chair, dressed comfortably, smiling and feeling completely competent and in charge of what you’re doing. Say to yourself: I am enough and I matter. I respect and approve of myself. God respects and approves of me unconditionally. I am competent and fully capable at whatever I do– like I am with managing our finances. As you go on repeating these affirmations breathe in peace and breathe out fear, breathe in serenity and breathe out worry and tension, breathe in approval and acceptance of yourself and breathe out doubt and anger.”
I had Karen repeat these affirmations a couple more times and then I said: “You can now open your eyes and tell me what that was like for you.”
“I feel great!” Karen said. “I could see myself just the way I want to be all the time. The breathing helped me get rid of my fear and feel strong and peaceful.”
“Any time you feel submissive or begin to doubt yourself,” I responded, “bring that image into your mind, do your breathing and repeat to yourself those affirmations.”
“Karen looks terrific,” Scott said. “I would like to do something like that for myself. When I get impatient I know I’m at my worst. I begin to rush around and it doesn’t feel good. At times like those I order people around and act superior.”
“When was a time recently, or in your more distant past, that you were calm and patient that made you feel really good about yourself,” I asked.
Scott laughed. “That happened just last week,” he said, “when Karen offered to take charge of our finances. I was so used to managing our money that at first the idea of letting Karen take it over actually scared me. I felt good about the fact that even though I felt scared I had collected myself within a few minutes. I caught myself feeling like I was better with our finances. Then I remembered that while Karen has not paid our bills or balanced our books in years, she managed our money very competently when we were first married before we had children. I took the books over when she was so busy with our kids. Remembering those facts calmed me. As I thought further I realized what a gift it would be to me to have her take on our finances.”
“Scott, I want you to close your eyes and picture yourself as you reassured yourself and became calm that Karen would do a good job,” I said. “See yourself feeling confident in your decision and more relaxed because of it. You are free from the responsibility of managing one more task. Instead of rushing and feeling like you are the only one who can do everything you are supposed to do, you appreciate how others can help you and how you can relax when you don’t feel so burdened. You are smiling, standing tall, walking slowly toward your destination. How are you dressed?” I asked.
“I’m relaxed at home in my favorite sweater and I’m looking out the window at our backyard. I see a beautiful dogwood tree in blossom and I feel as peaceful as its branches look with their white blossoms.”
“Keep the image in your mind of you standing tall and feeling relaxed and unburdened at the window as you say to yourself I am enough and I matter, I am peaceful and full of patience like the branches of the dogwood tree. I accept and approve of myself. God accepts and approves of me unconditionally. As you affirm yourself breathe in slowly and deeply taking in peace. As you breathe out exhale all your fear. Breathe in serenity and exhale tension. Breathe in patience and breathe out impatience. When you are feeling patient and calm you may open your eyes.”
Scott finished. When he opened his eyes the frown was gone from his forehead and he smiled broadly.
“I haven’t seen Scott look this relaxed in months,” Karen said.
As we concluded our meeting I said: “Now you each know what to do for your homework: picture the image of yourself as you want to be, breathe in peace and breathe out fear, and repeat your affirmations to yourself. Don’t stop until you are feeling the way you seek to feel.”
Both of them were smiling as they left.

Is Equality Important in Your Marriage?

drwelpton — Fri, 11 May 2012 17:51:01 +0000

Scott and Karen came for counseling. They’ve been married twenty-two years. Scott is a successful businessman who owns his own company. Karen counsels the disabled. She has returned to work full time now that their two children are away in school.
Scott said, “We’re not happy, but we’re not miserable either. We have a harmonious marriage but we’ve lost our spark. I miss our laughing together.”
“How do you each understand the problem?” I asked.
Karen said, “Neither of us likes to argue. I was taught that anger makes you irrational, so you shouldn’t express it. We avoid discussing things.”
“And I don’t want to get angry the way my father did,” said Scott. “He was hurtful to my mother, and I don’t want to hurt Karen.”
“Scott’s tone sometimes frightens me,” responded Karen. “My mother was stern and critical.”
“When you stifle one feeling you stifle them all,” I said. “When you suppress your anger you lose your joy. We can’t suppress just one feeling without suppressing the others.”
“That’s what’s happened,” Scott said. “I thought I could suppress just my anger.”
“We’ve lost our closeness too,” Karen said. I don’t feel as connected to Scott.”
“When you sweep your problems under the rug it does keep the peace,” I said. “But not discussing issues for fear of getting angry has cost your connection.” They both looked sad, like what Thoreau called quiet desperation.
I turned toward Scott. “Do you believe that if you have a good marriage you won’t have differences?” I asked.
“I guess I do,” he responded, “Karen is right that I don’t like to argue. Not arguing was my gauge for having a successful marriage.”
“Conflict between spouses is natural,” I said, “because you’re two different people. If you each stand up for yourselves and your values you’re bound to have conflicts. Trying to be too harmonious can weaken your marriage.” After a pause I said: “The Chinese have a wise saying: two strong people can work out anything.”
“I’m afraid,” Scott responded, “that we’ll end up in lots of arguments with each of us trying to change the other. We both tend to think we’re right.”
“Most of us do,” I said. “How many spouses have you met who thought their partner was right and they were wrong? “ I asked. They laughed. “It requires wisdom to appreciate that your partner’s perceptions and feelings are as valid for them as yours are for you.”
Scott responded, “I have believed my perceptions were right for both of us. I can see now that they’re right for me, but not automatically for Karen.”
“And I keep my ideas to myself to keep the peace,” said Karen. “I’m afraid Scott will think I’m arguing with him, or that I’m trying to show him that I’m smarter than he is.”
“The outcome,” said Scott “is that I end up feeling like I have to do everything.”
“Can you say more about that?” I asked.
“I feel like I have to run the show,” Scott responded. “Like most of the responsibilities fall on me, whether it’s about our finances, our children, or our friendships. I feel like the burden is on me rather than being equally shared.”
“You sound resentful,” I said.
“I am,” Scott replied. “At times I fear I’m going to have a heart attack from trying to do it all.”
Karen had tears in her eyes. “I’m not happy either,” she said. “I feel like I’m not respected by Scott. It’s like he’s the parent and I’m the child.”
“That’s what happens when one spouse regularly defers to the other,” I responded. Instead of an adult-adult relationship you develop a parent-child relationship. The inequality is bad for your marriage. It leads to the kind of anger and resentment you’re both expressing.”
“I don’t understand it,” protested Karen. “I’m not doing anything different from what my mother did with my father.”
“The times have changed,” I replied. “What worked for your parents doesn’t work the same way now. Women in your mother’s generation were taught to go along for the good of the marriage. Women now have become empowered to be equals… To tell the truth,” I continued, “I believe women have always been equals but were taught to act subservient. Women learned to lead from behind, and men often followed from in front.”
Karen smiled. “I know what you mean,” she said. “My mother did run the home but she did it quietly. When my father objected she’d agree with him. She didn’t argue. But she used to tell me: the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”
“In your situation,” I said to Karen, “it appears like you give in too readily. By not asserting yourself you end up feeling controlled by Scott.”
“You’re right,” she responded. “I don’t like feeling disrespected by him, like he knows better than I do.”
“And you,” I said to Scott, “feel overburdened and resentful that you’re carrying too much of the load.”
“You hit the nail on the head,” he responded. I know it costs us when Karen doesn’t express her viewpoint. She has valuable things to say. Her perceptions have helped me in my business. But when she doesn’t speak up I end up feeling like we’re not equals.”
I turned to Karen. “Do you feel like you’re equals?” I asked.
“Sometimes I do,” she answered, “but a lot of the time I don’t. I respect Scott because he’s intelligent. He knows a lot. But he’s a bit of a patriarch just like his father.”
“It can’t feel good to see yourself as the child and him as the parent,” I said to Karen.
“It doesn’t,” she responded. “I don’t feel like a child, but I can see when I act submissive instead of speaking my truth it can look like I am….What can I do to change?” she asked.
I replied: “The fastest way to change what you are feeling– whether it’s tense, angry, or hurt– is to breathe. Breathe in peace and breathe out fear when you exhale. Within a few breaths you will change your emotional state. You will be less reactive.”
“What else can we do to change?” asked Scott.
“You need to stop doing so much,” I answered Scott. “Start asking Karen to do what you need her to do. You both need to decide who is responsible for which tasks in a way you both agree is fair. When one of you over-functions and the other under-functions you both lose.”
“I feel like the loser,” Karen said, “because I’m treated like a child who can’t do much.”
“And I feel like I lose,” chimed in Scott, “because I have too much to do.”
“There’s another consequence,” Karen said. “I don’t feel worthy. Instead, I feel inferior like I’m not good enough, or like Scott is better than me.”
“Comparing yourself with Scott is a mistake,” I responded. “The only valid comparison is with yourself—how you are today compared to yesterday.”
“It’s important to me to feel competent,” Scott said,” but I don’t like it when I feel Karen’s not doing her part. Instead of expressing my anger directly to her I withdraw. I put up a wall and feel resentful.”
“Feeling superior can be an even bigger self-esteem problem than feeling inferior,” I said to Scott. “It’s a bigger problem because you often don’t realize you feel superior, and you antagonize your partner when you do. It’s harder to let go of feeling superior. It’s a challenge to appreciate that we’re all equal.”
Scott demurred. “But no two people are born equal,” he said. “We all have advantages and disadvantages, like the families we are born into.”
“It is true that we are not born equal,” I agreed. “But from God’s point of view we are all created equal as human beings. Inequality is a man created problem from the judgments we make.”
“Can you give an example? asked Karen.
“Yes,” I answered her. “When you don’t value yourself enough you buy into the perception that you’re inferior.”
Turning toward Scott I said, “And when you see yourself as superior you provoke Karen and others to want to bring you down to get you off your high horse.”
“What do we do about it?” they asked.
“You each need to take responsibility for your part in the problem,” I replied. “You must work at developing more awareness of when you’re feeling inferior or superior, or when you’re acting like the child or the parent. If you don’t see it you can’t change it. That’s why becoming aware is required.”
Karen asked, “In addition to becoming more aware is there something else I can do?”
I replied: “You must learn to esteem and respect yourself. You must tell yourself you are enough and you matter, that you respect and approve of yourself, and that God–or whatever you call your Higher Power—respects and approves of you unconditionally.”
“I’ve heard about doing this from one of my friends,” Karen said. “Does it really work?”
“For many people it doesn’t,” I answered, “because they give up too quickly. They esteem themselves a few times and think that’s enough. To reinforce this message more effectively you need to look yourself in the eyes in a mirror and repeat these statements out loud. You will know from looking into your eyes and the sound of your own voice whether you believe your statements. You continue with these affirmations until you truly believe them, until you feel them in your heart. It requires repetition like all new learning and it may take months.”
“And what do I need to do?” Scott asked.
Turning toward him I said, “You must let go of your superiority to see yourself as a valuable human being just like everyone else. Thinking you’re superior is a self-esteem problem every bit as much as thinking you’re inferior. Your superiority separates you and drives people away. It can make them dislike or resent you.”
“I hadn’t realized that,” Scott responded. A moment later he asked, “Isn’t there something I can do to help Karen feel better about herself?”
“You will do your part when you respect her and all others as equals,” I said. “It is work we each have to do for ourselves. No one can do it for us no matter how much they care or how hard they try.”
“But doesn’t it help when I tell Karen how I appreciate her and how I value the things she does?” Scott’s voice rose slightly.
“Your appreciation does give her “other” esteem, but that’s not the same as self-esteem. When we count on others to make us feel good about ourselves we are dependent on others. We ride the roller coaster up and down. One day your partner may compliment you, and the next day they may criticize you. Only self-esteem is reliable and will make you stable.”
Scott and Karen vowed to do their homework as we ended our meeting.

Part 2 of this story will follow.

E. Hendricks, WTWG: Are We Confronting Today’s Problems or Are We in Denial?

drwelpton — Fri, 11 May 2012 17:39:29 +0000

Being caught up in our selves and our materialism we are in a state of apathy over our spritual poverty. We are ignoring the deterioration of our democracy and heading toward a dictatorship as Athens did when the people created financial bankrupty by voting themselves more entitlements than the government could finance. Our loss of our moral compass is evident in how we dress, our lack of commitment to our marriages and love relationships, our focus on our selves and the stuff we buy instead of caring for others and doing for others what we want for ourselves.

Sharing My Gratitude with Ram Dass

drwelpton — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 19:31:42 +0000

I had last seen my friend fifty-six years ago. I was a student in his psychology class at Stanford University. At that time he was known as Richard Alpert, Ph.D. He is now known as Ram Dass. Between these two names lies an inspiring story, one in which he got de-tenured as a professor from Harvard University to be redeemed as a holy man in India. He returned to America to teach the spiritual beliefs and practices of Eastern religions to those Americans eager and yearning to follow in his footsteps.
This story began for me in my senior year at Stanford. I loved attending my class with Richard Alpert. He encouraged us to call him “Dick.” He was the funniest teacher I had ever known, a master of one-liners. His humor made it easy to learn from him. He showed me that learning could be fun. I regarded Dick Alpert as not just a teacher but also as a friend. He was open and approachable. When I was in conflict as to whether to go to medical school to become a psychiatrist or to pursue a Ph.D. in psychology he was the teacher I consulted.
Following my graduation from Stanford I was attending Harvard Medical School when I next learned that Richard Alpert and Timothy Leary made a name for themselves at Harvard University advocating that students experience trips on LSD. Harvard kicked them out and took away Dr. Alpert’s tenured professorship. In the process Drs. Alpert and Leary became celebrities advocating: “Tune in, turn on, and drop out.”
What led to Richard Alpert’s true celebrity was his work in India with Maharaji-ji, “the great king,” aka Neem Karoli Baba, who renamed him Ram Dass, or “servant of God.” When Ram Dass returned from India he lectured widely in America teaching what he had learned. His fame came with the publication in 1972 of his book Be Here Now. He became the leader and teacher to those, especially in the younger generation, who were seeking guidance in their spiritual quests. In 1993 Ram Dass’ traveling and teaching abruptly stopped when he had a cerebral hemorrhage which he described candidly and vulnerably in his book, Still Here, in 2000.
I gained even greater respect for Ram Dass when he honestly shared how he had temporarily lost his spiritual perspective under the stress of “being stroked” as he called it. The longer term consequence has been his development of even greater spirituality and empathy, which has been described in his most recent book, Be Love Now, co-authored by Rameshwar Das and published in 2010.
While visiting my daughter and her husband and helping with my four week old granddaughter I asked my daughter whether she could help me see Ram Dass who lives nearby. She quickly got me connected with Dasi Ma, his assistant, to whom I explained I had been a student of his many years ago and I wanted to express my gratitude to him. Through Ram Dass’ kindness and generosity he agreed to meet with me the following day. At the appointed time my daughter drove me to his home.
As we drove I thought about what I wanted to say to Ram Dass. I realized there was one statement I strongly wanted to share with him. I wanted to express my deep gratitude, still with me over fifty years later, for his being honest about himself and making education fun. I noted, too, that it was unusual for me to have just one message I wanted to share. I also realized I did not want anything in return. If Ram Dass had stopped our meeting after I expressed my gratitude to him that would have been enough for me. I simply wanted to thank him while he and I were still here, still living.
As I walked through his foyer and into his living room I saw his beaming smile that instantly brought back to me his warmth and joy. I was reminded of him as a jester full of non-stop one-liners that kept me laughing through-out his class. At the same time it was very different because he now sat in his wheelchair with his right side not moving. I knew that he had been partially paralyzed by his stroke in 1993 and suffered from a difficulty finding words as he spoke.
As we greeted each other I said to him that I did not expect he would remember me but I had been a student in his psychology class at Stanford in 1956. I immediately told him that my reason for coming was to thank him. I shared with him that he had showed me the way no other teacher in college had that we could laugh and learn at the same time. His humor was usually about himself, sharing his truth in a funny way. More than anything I said to him that the lesson I took away from him as a teacher was that education could be honest and fun and not just serious. I told him this message was especially meaningful to me because I was inclined to be too serious. It took me many years in my life to learn that life is too important to be taken too seriously.
As Ram Dass and I talked I was moved by how quickly we shared about our lives and some of the similarities in our fathers and in our relationships with them. Both of our fathers were highly successful lawyers, hard driving, and ambitious for us as their sons with specific ideas of what we were supposed to do, to earn, and to become. While we both admired our fathers and their accomplishments we had clearly followed divergent paths from theirs.
Ram Dass’ father had been the President of the New York, New Haven and Hartford railroad. My father had been the senior, senior partner in the largest law firm in Los Angeles: Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher. For years he had headed their litigation department.
I shared with Ram Dass the story of my father taking my wife and me to visit the home in Brentwood where I grew up. When the current owner answered the doorbell he introduced himself to us by saying that he was a cardiologist at UCLA. My father replied, “Well then you’ll enjoy meeting my son who’s a neurologist in Boston.” My wife and I were dumbstruck; we looked at one another in wonderment as to who is the neurologist. My next thought took me back to my father’s ambition for me when I entered medical school. He strongly wanted me to become a neurosurgeon. Being a neurologist is clearly closer to being a neurosurgeon than is being a psychiatrist. I knew that my father felt disappointed and embarrassed at my being a psychiatrist. Ram Dass told me similarly of his father’s ambitions for him. We laughed together as we shared our stories as the sons of our loving, controlling, and deceased fathers.
I shared with him another story about my mother’s visit to my office when I had become a psychoanalyst. I was Assistant Professor in the department of psychiatry at Tufts University School of Medicine. My mother had come to see my new office in the building where I worked. Upon entering my office she saw my couch, which was an essential tool in the office of every psychoanalyst.
“Are you one of those?” she asked me as she pointed to the couch.
“Yes,” I answered feeling proud that I had graduated from my psychoanalytic training and now had my couch.
“I thought they were only in the New Yorker,” she responded.
I laughed. Of course I had seen and laughed at many New Yorker cartoons of analysts with their couches.
Ram Dass and I continued laughing as we shared stories. I felt a strong connection with him. Self-revealing honesty and our humor about our pasts, especially regarding our vicissitudes with our fathers, brought us quickly together.
As we were concluding our visit I told him I would really like to have him meet my daughter and my five week old granddaughter who were waiting for me in the car in front of his house. Ram Dass instantly encouraged me to bring them into his home. It took a few minutes, as anyone with a newborn will know, but we came together quickly. Dasi Ma surprised me when she offered to take our picture. Like Ram Dass she, too, was caring and gracious.
I left thanking Ram Dass again. It was a special moment for me. I reflected on how important it is to share gratitude when we feel it, how quickly it can open our hearts, and how lasting a connection it produces. I felt graced and gifted by what I got in return. I hadn’t expected anything beyond saying “thank you” to Ram Dass. What’s more, as I was leaving Daci Ma gave me a copy of Be Love Now and I sent Ram Dass a copy of my book, Attract Love, Intimacy & Money .
I reflected on the importance of gratitude. I had been taught to say “thank you” growing up. It was part of having good manners. I used to get upset on occasions when someone did not thank me back. In recent years I have come to appreciate that gratitude is its own reward. When you thank someone you feel good about yourself– it comes back to you instantly.
Having Ram Dass and Dasi Ma reciprocate my gratitude brought to my mind the words of G.K. Chesterton:
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”
I left Ram Dass feeling like I had just gained another brother.

Just When You Thought It Wouldn’t Happen

drwelpton — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 01:08:01 +0000

Is the Law of Attraction Paradoxical?

Have you ever given up hoping for something you wanted to happen only to have it happen? Were you delighted and surprised? I have been when this happened to me. What bothered me, however, was that I couldn’t figure out why it did happen. If the Law of Attraction worked the way I thought it would, why would it happen in this paradoxical way? I am sure this same question has been asked by other people.
Recently a couple I know became pregnant and gave birth to a child. It had all happened just after they gave up trying to conceive. They had resigned themselves to never having a child. Next thing they knew the wife was pregnant!
Another couple I know had given up on their relationship within their first year of marriage. They had come together out of enjoying each other and having fun together. Now, they were experiencing no fun. Their life had become dull. They had resigned themselves to getting a divorce, having given up on ever having fun together again.
Over the years I have had many people tell me they found the partner they married just after they had given up looking, believing they would never find that right person after so much time spent searching to no avail.
Let me explain to you what I believe happens in these instances where we paradoxically get what we want when we have given up hoping for it.
It is my observation and experience that we create our lives through our beliefs, both positive and negative. Our beliefs begin with our thoughts. When we reinforce a thought over and over again it becomes a belief. These beliefs are the mindsets we carry in our hearts and souls. They determine our image of ourselves and what happens in our lives.
Like many people I have at times been completely unaware of my negative thoughts and the power of my negative beliefs. When I have wanted something very intensely I have often subconsciously feared, and consequently believed, that I would not get it. I have observed that many people have fears like this about things they want.
I want to emphasize that I harbored this fear–that I would not get what I wanted—in my subconscious mind. It was not a conscious belief and I was not aware of it. The power of my fear was clearly stronger than my wish. The Law of Attraction does not work based on what is best for us; it brings to us what we feel and believe most strongly including our fears.
When I finally came to the decision that what I wanted was not going to happen my subconscious mind let go of my powerful fear that it wouldn’t happen. The result: it did happen because my small, remaining conscious hope that it still might happen now outweighed my released fear that it wouldn’t. The Law of Attraction now brought to me my hope instead of my fear. I have witnessed this process at work for me, my family, my friends, and my clients in becoming prosperous, finding spouses, conceiving a child, reconciling in a marriage, and recovering from a serious illness.
When these dramatic events occur, like becoming pregnant against all odds or recovering from cancer, we call them miracles. Albert Einstein said there two ways you can go through life: either nothing is a miracle, or everything is a miracle. A miracle is what we call an event that occurs on the physical plane through an invisible spiritual process. Because we cannot see the spiritual process, which is not visible on the material plane, we call the event a miracle when it manifests.
When you consciously give up something you want to happen you may be letting go of the subconscious and stronger belief that it won’t happen. An important way you can align yourself with the Law of Attraction is to be aware of your negative thoughts, beliefs, and mindsets. To take responsibility for these limiting beliefs requires that you become aware of your subconscious beliefs rather than blame fate or other people. It may feel better to blame someone else, but you give away all your power with your blame. To change a belief or mindset you must own it. You are empowered when you do. You are now working with the Law of Attraction. When you do–life, love, and God triumph again!

The Law of Attraction Doesn’t Work, or Does It?

drwelpton — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 01:43:27 +0000

There are times when I have been skeptical about the Law of Attraction and whether it really works. First, I learned that the Law did not work on my timetable but that did not mean it didn’t work. I had to recognize that my focus on myself was getting in my way. Selfishly, I want what I want when I want it. The simple truth I have learned is that my selfishness (my ego) is the source of all my pain, frustration, anger, disappointment, and sorrow.
I had to adapt myself to the Law of Attraction; it was not going to adapt itself to me any more than was the Law of Gravity. The Law of Attraction works on its timetable not on mine. Miraculously there are times when I have been completely at one with what I wanted and it came to me immediately. Recently, for example, when I needed to understand more about the role of self and selfishness in my life the teacher came to me instantly and I ordered his book: James Allen’s Mind is the Master.
I learned that the Law did not work when I was vague or too general about what I wanted. If I decided that I wanted more prosperity in my life I had to be clear about the specifics: how did I want to be more prosperous and what did the image look like of it happening in my life?
I began by imaging more money coming to me. The first day I held that image I received a healthy check in the mail as a gift from my father. I held onto the image but more checks didn’t come. I grew skeptical. Eventually I became aware that my image of more wealth coming to me brought up a fear in me that it wouldn’t happen. I realized the Law is not partial; it brings to us whatever we dwell on. I was focusing as much on my fear of not receiving money as I was imaging myself receiving money.
Christ taught that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways (James1:6). Painful as it was to admit it, I was a double-minded man causing the Law not to work. It was much easier to blame the Law for not working than to blame myself. Blaming the Law, however, got me nowhere. I knew I had to change myself in order to work with the Law. Once again my ego was getting in the way, wanting the Law to adapt to me instead of my adapting to the Law. Oh, what a problem is hubris! Next thing you know I’ll be telling God how to do his job!
I previously had not appreciated the importance of belief. I started out thinking the Law of Attraction would work if I just held in my mind the image of what I wanted coming to me. But thought without feeling is just an image, just thinking. To make something happen in life I knew it required feeling. Feeling is what makes us take action. Feeling expresses our passion, what we truly care about, what and who we love.
I realized that the most convincing example of the Law of Attraction in my life came from my falling in love. Love, and especially romantic love, is a high intensity vibration. Both my wife and I felt it. We acted like young people who couldn’t see enough of one another or be together enough. With our mutual high vibrations we resonated together as we fell in love. Romantic love is many peoples most memorable experience with the Law. Bonding between a mother and her newborn child is another powerful experience with the Law of Attraction. Mothers remember it well, but most of us as newborns do not.
If the Law of Attraction does exist, you might ask how strong or powerful is it?
Here’s what I’ve observed. The Law is so strong it forged a bond between my wife and me that made each of us the most important person in the others life. We fall in love and care so deeply about this person, who was once a stranger, that we make them more important than our parents and our siblings–the people who raised us and with whom we spent years growing up. We put this new person with whom we fall in love first in our valuing of people. If that isn’t powerful I don’t know what is. This power of the Law of Attraction and its consequences in my life made me a believer in the Law.
Just as I did not comprehend the power of the Law of Attraction I did not fully appreciate the power of faith either. Fear and doubt are two of our chief antagonists to living a calm and peaceful life. When we love someone fear and doubt can create problems for us. We may fear they don’t love us as much as we want, or as much as we love them. We may doubt whether anyone can love us enough. It is faith that can overcome fear and doubt. We need faith in those who love us. We need faith in the Law of Attraction. We need faith in ourselves most of all.
Faith gives us the power to hold fast to our beliefs until we get confirmation of them. When our beliefs are confirmed we have knowledge. Knowledge helps us triumph over ignorance. Ignorance is the most fundamental problem of mankind together with fear and doubt. Once we have the knowledge to know the Law of Attraction is truth we are free of fear and doubt, unless we are attracting them to us. And we have overcome our ignorance, unless we choose to relapse into it.
I had respected the Law of Cause and Effect because I accepted the truth stated by Paul in Galatians 6:7 when he wrote: “We reap what we sow.”
I now recognized the truth of the Law of Attraction which was properly stated in Proverbs 23:7: “As a man thinketh in his heart so is he.” In other words, a man is the sum total of his beliefs which manifest themselves through the life he lives. What a man thinks in his heart represents his beliefs. It has been observed that the longest distance in the world emotionally speaking is from a man’s head to his heart, from his thoughts to his beliefs. His thoughts are just his ideas, but his beliefs represent his truths whether they are factually true or not. These beliefs are his mindsets, like his idea of how to express his love or how to be a good spouse or parent.
From knowledge I now understand that the Law works from our beliefs, from the truths we embrace in our hearts, from the ideas and the mindsets we hold dear. The Law will act on these beliefs to bring them into our lives, to clothe them in physical form as rapidly as possible. Andrew Carnegie shared this profound truth with Napoleon Hill, who used it as the cornerstone in his classic book Think and Grow Rich.
It does not matter whether these beliefs are actually true, or whether they have positive or negative consequences on your life. The Law attracts to us what we embrace and believe regardless. Mark (11:24) stated the Law when he wrote: “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Matthew (7:7) stated the Law this way: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. In the Old Testament Psalm 37:4 said: “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13 said: “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Even a cynic’s version of the Law says: “Be careful what you say you want because you might just get it.”
Equipped with my knowledge of how the Law works and my growing awareness of how the self (ego) and the Truth are in conflict, I am embracing the beliefs that combat my natural man and my selfishness which will goad me to pursue power, money, and acclaim. Instead, my goal is to empty myself, to die to my self, in the process of fulfilling my greater good through serving others. In holding this belief in my heart, and pursuing it through the daily quieting of my selfish voice, I have found the prosperity I initially sought.
Prosperity is coming to me not through money but through people who seek my counsel. In the process of helping these people grow, giving them back to themselves, encouraging them to act so as to increase their self-respect not diminish it, I have found the greatest fulfillment and prosperity I could want. Prosperity is not about money or fame or power but about being the best person I can be. True wealth, health, and happiness come through dying to self and living through love. I lose my self through serving others.
In my vision I see myself coming home to God and living in Heaven where I am one with all creatures no matter how small, where all men are my brothers and all women my sisters, where I recognize the Christ in everyone I meet, and where I live through love and experience the peace that is beyond understanding.

Developing Patience: A Grandfather Meets His Granddaughter

drwelpton — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 04:12:10 +0000

“There is no blessedness anywhere until impatience is sacrificed; and the sacrifice means the development of endurance, the practice of forbearance, and the creation of a new and gentler habit.” – James Allen, Byways of Blessedness

My daughter, Mary (names changed for privacy), had to climb a tall mountain to have her first child at the age of 43 following four miscarriages. Her pregnancy was diagnosed within a week of conception, and for the first time she immediately was given Progesterone early enough to prevent another miscarriage. Mary lived with serious back pain especially in the final months of her pregnancy. Her delivery was induced ten days after her due date, and she endured fifteen hours of labor. When her cervix would not fully dilate Mary underwent a C section. She was disappointed not to have a birth canal delivery.

Shortly after she started breast feeding one of Mary’s nipples cracked. In spite of intense pain she continued to breast feed Mira, her newborn daughter. Nipple shields and using a breast pump and bottles allowed her nipple to heal. John, her husband, helped out with bottle feedings knowing how exhausted Mary was from feeding Mira every three hours.

John is exceptional just like Mary. He hand built their home which is a work of beauty with ten foot picture windows surrounded by plantings of fruit trees that provide them not just with beauty but with food as well.
The night I arrived to stay with Mary and John, Mira had been restless and sleepless, which meant that her mother was tired and exhausted too. No one is fully prepared for their first child. Everything in life needs a dress rehearsal for us to learn what to do. The simple truth is we live the dress rehearsal especially with our first child. Mary increased her liquid intake the next day thinking she may not be producing enough milk which could be causing Mira’s restlessness.

When I first held my granddaughter that next morning I noticed she had a rash which we figured out was prickly heat from her sweat glands not being fully developed. This condition is common enough to be called “newborn rash.” When perspiration does not cool the newborn she feels like she has a mild case of sunburn. We used tepid baths to cool Mira’s skin.

Holding one month old Mira in my arms brought back my memories from more than sixty years ago. I had run two miles home from elementary school to meet my mother and my baby sister the day they arrived from the hospital. I loved having a sister. I remembered helping in her care by feeding her with a bottle, changing and washing her diapers, running them through the wringer and hanging them on the clothesline. I taught her to play football in my bedroom using a pair of socks folded into a ball, and I organized her birthday parties with her friends and taught them how to play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. When I was in the 4th grade my teacher gave our class the assignment of writing an essay about our pets. I wrote about my sister! It was such a hoot the teacher picked my essay to read to the class.

I have now been with Mira for four days. We are getting to know each other. I started talking to her and have not stopped, explaining to her what I am thinking her cry is expressing and what I am doing to care for her. I am sure she responds to my voice just as she does to the touch of my hands.

Mary is a very good mother. She is focused on her daughter every minute, caring for her with incredible devotion even when she is hungry, exhausted, and tired. There is little rest for a weary mother. I have told her what a good mother she is. A good mother knows she is not perfect. No parent is perfect. However well we act as parents we can always do better. Mary is open to discovering her mistakes and correcting them as quickly as possible. She reads her child carefully and adapts as best she can to meeting Mira’s needs. She is learning what makes Mira comfortable and what makes her uncomfortable.

Mira’s only way to communicate verbally with us right now is her cry. She cries to tell us she is hungry or uncomfortable or in pain. Mary says her most challenging problem is her doubt whether she is doing what Mira needs done. She guesses as best she can what Mira’s cry means. It is trial and error. The uncertainty and not knowing what is the right thing to do is a major challenge to first mothers and to any mother as she gets to know and become attuned to her child.

The learning curve with a first child is very steep. This is the dress rehearsal and also the real thing. When Mira cries Mary is guessing whether she is hungry, is too hot because of her heat rash, has gas, needs her diaper changed, or some other need. Mary is often right, but she struggles when Mira’s crying persists.
John is an excellent father and a good husband. He joins Mary in care-taking Mira, feeding her, holding and comforting her, and providing some relief to Mary with the constant demands of care-taking a newborn child. At the same time he is working to complete the construction of their home including making adjustments for Mira like putting up curtains to block out the light in their bedroom so she will sleep longer in her bassinet.

In my participation as a grandfather I have had to confront my impatience. When Mira cries I want to find a solution which will stop her crying immediately. I want to be so effective as a caretaker that I can figure out exactly what Mira needs and provide it. I want to stop Mira’s crying by fixing every problem she has so that Mary will no longer feel bad about her mothering. I want to know just what to do so I can show Mary and John what to do and they will not have to make mistakes as they find their way through the challenges of being first time parents. When I cannot fulfill these expectations a critical voice within me says: “You are inadequate as a grandfather.”

Suddenly I am brought up short. A soothing voice (God) within me says to me: “That is your selfish voice speaking to you. Your critical voice is the voice of pride, of being a know-it-all, of having all the answers, of never making mistakes, of pretending to be omniscient.”

I quickly recognize this “selfish” voice as the voice of my Critic, the voice that knows no patience, no humility, no faith, and no realistic expectations. This is the voice that pretends to be superior but ends up causing me to feel inferior, unworthy, and incompetent.

I now recognize what I have to contribute as a grandfather to my granddaughter, to my daughter, and to my son-in-law. I need to be the voice of patience. I need to be the voice that says if we hurry in trying to fix every problem for Mira we will make unnecessary mistakes. If we give ourselves time while trusting in our love and caring for our newborn daughter we will succeed. We will discover what causes her to cry, we will be able to interpret which cry means she is hungry, she is wet, she is sleepy, she is overtired, or whatever is causing her distress.

Patience is needed to withstand the uncertainty. I gain patience because I know from experience and from faith that we will eventually carry the day because of our caring and our willingness to keep trying. I know that we will make mistakes trying to assess what Mira needs, but I have faith that we will correct those mistakes as we learn how to interpret her cries and read her body language and become attuned to her.

I hear these words from James Allen: “When impatience and irritability are entirely put away, are finally offered up on the altar of unselfishness, then is realized and enjoyed the blessedness of a strong, quiet, and peaceful mind.” — James Allen, Byways of Blessedness.

And these words from John Burroughs’ poem entitled “Waiting”:

Serene, I fold my hands and wait,
Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea;
I rave no more ‘gainst time or fate,
For lo! my own shall come to me.

Mira, Mary, John, patience, and faith are with me, and I am with them.

Oh the Shame of it All—My Father Never Saw Me!

drwelpton — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 04:22:42 +0000

“Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn.”Benjamin Franklin

Kristen and William came to see me because they were on the verge of divorcing and had not yet been married one year. They were in their thirties. Kristen was about to start styling hair on week-ends as well as during the week so she could better support herself when divorced. She explained there was no reason to spend their week-ends together because there was no fun or enjoyment between them. William agreed.
I asked Kristen, “What do you most enjoyed doing?”
“Dancing,” she responded without a moment’s hesitation.
“When was the last time you danced together?” I asked.
They looked at one another like they were both trying to remember.
“It’s been months,” Kristen answered.
“How come?” I inquired.
“I don’t dance,” William replied.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Cause I’m not any good at it,” he said.
“Neither am I,” I responded, “but that’s no excuse.”
“What do you mean?” William asked.
“I mean that I took lessons and I still have trouble remembering the Foxtrot steps,” I replied. “Every time we dance I have to brush up on them again. I’m still a little shaky and I’m no Fred Astaire. Still, why would you want to shut yourself off from developing yourself? How does that benefit you?” I asked William.
“I see your point,” he said.
“Will you take Kristen dancing tonight?” I asked. My tone was intense. I felt excited for them.
“Yes, I will,” responded William.
“Good for you,” I said looking at William.
I turned to Kristen. “And will you tell him you appreciate his taking you dancing? That you appreciate his getting on the dance floor? Will you applaud him knowing that you get more of whatever you reward?”
“I will,” Kristen responded.

They danced their way back into their marriage that night I learned when we met the following week. William danced and enjoyed himself. Kristen was thrilled and loved him for it. They learned that could still have fun together. They opened their hearts to one another, and they admitted they did not like themselves when their hearts were closed.
William and Kristen were easy to help because they were humble and teachable. They still loved each other but they let other stuff get in their way. William is very intelligent and holds himself with an energy that tells you not to mess with him. Kristen said he reminds her of her father, who left her and her mother when she was just a year and a half old.
Kristen has bouts of depression, especially when she has gained a few pounds. She loses her vitality. She looks forlorn. Her light no longer shines. I suspected she reminded William of his mother, and he affirmed that she did. I told Kristen that she has a smile that can light up the world. It is not just on her lips. It comes from her heart and expresses the splendor within.
I learned from Kristen that her father had left her mother for another woman, with whom he created a second family. Whenever she came to visit him he made her feel inferior, like she didn’t measure up to the new family he had created. It was very painful for her.
I explained to Kristen that she was suffering from shame, not natural shame like embarrassment, but toxic and carried shame. Toxic shame is toxic to our self-esteem and makes us feel unworthy, like we are a mistake. Guilt is different; we feel a twist in our gut for having made a mistake. Shame is about our whole being and we feel it only in the presence of others. We look away, break eye contact, we want to hide and not be seen.
Shame is a helpful emotion too. It is the feeling that stops us in time so we do not hurt and abuse others. It reminds us we are imperfect in our humanness and makes way for our spiritual connection to God who is perfect. When we are shameless we mistakenly think we are God, we do not limit and stop ourselves, and we abuse others.
If I steal an apple at the grocery I feel guilt all by myself for having violated my own standard of not stealing. When the cashier confronts me for having stolen the apple I feel shame and want to hide. We can feel guilt and shame simultaneously or separately.
In our third meeting Kristen arrived looking miserable. She had weighed herself and learned she weighed 140 pounds instead of her desired weight of 120. Her whole being was in shame over 20 pounds. She had empowered the weight scale with the power of God.
Kristen talked about how unworthy she felt from the way her father had treated her. She said that two years ago she had taken the initiative to repair their relationship by taking down her wall of silence. She had forgiven him. Their relationship was improving. Yet the pain and shame she felt were palpable as she spoke.
I told her that if her father had paid attention to her as a child he might have said something to her about how special she was and is, about the smile she has that starts in her soul and radiates outward from her like a beacon of light, about daring to release the splendor contained within her. Tears came to her eyes, then a radiant smile.
At her appointment the next week Kristen again looked miserable and forlorn. Her smile had all but disappeared except for brief flashes of light. I took her inventory regarding the abuse she had endured with her father. It was clear she had experienced neglect from him as well as being told she was stupid. She received no spiritual guidance regarding God or religious practices or knowing about a power higher than herself. I suggested we set up an individual session for her to address the shame she experienced with her father. Kristen and William agreed to my plan.
I explained to Kristen and William the shame reduction exercise we would be doing to help her let go of the shame she carried from her abuse by her father. When we abuse a child we are shameless: we do not stop ourselves and we disown our shame. The child picks up that energy in the form of shame and carries it with them, which becomes that child’s carried and toxic shame.
The chain of connection between the abused child and the parent is broken. Responsibility for restoring that connection needs to come from the parent. A child cannot take that responsibility. The concept of carried shame and the shame reduction process was created and taught to me by Pia Mellody and is described in her book Facing Codependence.
To start the exercise at her individual meeting I had Kristen sit beside me in a separate chair as we both faced an empty chair where her father would sit. I explained to her that I would move the empty chair directly in front of her. Next, I would ask her to tell me as I moved the chair away from her how far distant she wanted it. I explained she needed to feel safe and comfortable when talking to her father. The distance was to be determined solely by her needs, not by taking care of her father.
I explained to Kristen that the subconscious mind does not distinguish between whether her father is actually present or is present in her mind by her seeing his image. The result is just as powerful as if her father were present. Furthermore, if we were to ask her father to participate in this exercise she could easily be re-wounded unless he had done psychological and spiritual work on himself to mature so as to be a better parent.
I got up from my chair and put the empty chair directly in front of Kristen touching her knees. I started slowly to pull the chair away from her while asking her to tell me when to stop. I had barely pulled the chair back a foot when Kristen said, “Stop!”
I couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought she hadn’t understood me. To make sure I sat down in the chair facing her. We were virtually knee to knee. I was sure she would be uncomfortable and tell me to keep withdrawing the chair. She didn’t.
“You really want to be this close to your father?” I asked. I am sure my tone conveyed my disbelief.
Kristen looked intensely at me. “HE NEVER SAW ME!” she said loudly. “HE NEVER LOOKED AT ME! She shouted. “HE NEVER MADE EYE CONTACT!” She screamed.
I got it. I understood what I had not understood before. I left the chair where it was. We proceeded with our shame reduction work as I had her breathe in peace and breathe out fear, gently close her eyes and continue her deep breathing.
I asked her to invite her father to come into the room and sit down in the chair in front of her. She did and she reported that he sat down.
“How does he look?” I asked.
“Annoyed,” she answered.
“Tell him you need him to focus on you, to pay attention to you because you have an important piece of work to do with him.”
She told him. He didn’t respond. He didn’t pay attention. He looked away. He ignored her. He looked uncomfortable and irritated.
I said: “Tell him he is your father! You are his daughter! As your parent he needs to join you in this exercise! He is doing this for you! It is not for him! He is doing it as a parent who cares for his daughter! It is not about him! It is about you!
It took us more than five minutes of insisting on this message in ever more forceful tones to get Kristen’s father finally to pay attention. I have never before needed so much time to get a parent to participate to help his child.
Once her father focused on Kristen I had her tell him: “When you ignored me you shamed me. About that I’m feeling ashamed and angry. I have a right to feel angry! I am giving you back your shame! I refuse to carry it for you any longer! It is your shame, not mine! It belongs to you, not to me! It is yours from this moment on!
We repeated this same message for his not looking her in the eyes and for his treating her as inferior to her step-siblings.
At this point Kristen remembered, “He told me time and again I was self-centered. He called me selfish.”
I said to Kristen: “Tell your father that it is the nature of a child to be self-centered. Tell him that you were not the one who was self-centered. You were a child. He is the one who was self-centered! He was selfish! He is still acting self-centered when he refuses in this exercise to pay attention to you. It is time for him to stop blaming you for what he did and to take responsibility for himself!”
Kristen’s face looked greatly relieved.
We continued our work of returning her father’s shame to him for calling her stupid and for not providing her with spiritual guidance.
We finished the exercise by thanking her father for coming and telling him he could leave. After he left I invited her to open her eyes gradually to come back into the room.
When I asked how she felt she reported that all the pain that she had felt all across her chest had disappeared. There was one spot of pain that remained on her collarbone.
The following week in their couples therapy Kristen reported that her collarbone pain had now gone away. Her smile had come back.
William told the story of the surprise birthday party he had arranged for her last week-end with both of their families and many of Kristen’s friends, including her best friend whom she had not seen in recent years. He, with the help of two friends, had completely surprised her with a party of more than twenty people. They had gone to their favorite restaurant where they had danced following their first therapy session. They celebrated Kristen’s birthday with singing and dancing. William had gotten her a very fancy birthday cake. Kristen said it was the best birthday celebration she had ever had. Their love was attracting them together again.
What a shame it is to be ignored and dismissed by your own father, and even more so to be blamed for his transgressions. Imagine a self-centered parent blaming his child for being self-centered. If you are searching for an example of what it means to be shameless this is it. The greatest shame is to have none.
Thank God for shame. It allows us to be imperfect, to be human, and to turn to Him as our higher power when we are in need.

The Truth on Changing Your Life Now, WTWG 1050 AM, with Dr. Doug & Ernestine Hendricks

drwelpton — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 18:23:44 +0000

You can change your life no matter how old you are by recognizing the mistaken beliefs (dysfunctional mindsets) that limit you and your relationships.
You have to replace those mistaken beliefs with truths (functional mindsets).
It is not enough to have these new ideas or truths in you thoughts. You must hold them in your heart.
Ernestine Hendricks, the hostess on WTWG 1050 AM, and I discuss examples from my life and from my work with clients.

Who do You Follow: Karl Marx or Jesus Christ?

drwelpton — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 15:28:27 +0000

Ben Franklin taught us that “the early bird gets the worm” to motivate us to rise early in the day to be productive. Some people have misunderstood Franklin’s maxim as threatening scarcity. They misinterpret “the worm” to mean there is only one worm, and that only the first bird will eat. But let me ask you: when have you found only one worm in the ground?
Our nation is suffering economically. We are hurting financially, and this hurt feeds the belief that there is not enough to go around. We are buying into a scarcity mindset with beliefs such as when one person prospers it is at the expense of another. Or, that the less fortunate are poor because the wealthy took their money. Or, that the thin man is thin because the fat man ate his lunch. In short, our nation is being taught the mindset of scarcity by believing in “one worm consciousness.”
Scarcity promotes competition. Karl Marx founded Marxism in the late 1800s based on his belief in scarcity and competition. He did not see people as individuals but as collectives or classes. He believed that one class would inevitably rule the other. Marx believed that the bourgeoisie, or owners, were wealthy at the expense of the proletariat, or workers. He mistakenly believed that all wealth was produced from the surplus created by labor only. This would be like saying that all the profits generated by Apple came from the surplus created by their workers who made Apple’s products and none from the creative ideas of the owners like Steve Jobs and his partners who invented the Mac computer, the iPod, or the iPad.
Marx did not foresee a nation where unions could represent labor in negotiating salaries and wages. He did not foresee companies in which the employees could own shares in their own company including complete ownership of the company.
Marx’s idea, which he called dialectic materialism, promoted conflict as the means to change the social order. Ideas were not enough for Marx who called for physical action to cause revolutions in which the class order would be reversed. He championed “the dictatorship of the proletariat” over the bourgeoisie. In this dictatorship the government would impose material equality on its citizens by redistribution. His guiding credo advocated “from each according to his abilities to each according to his need.”
Marx dismissed religion as “the opiate (opium) of the people.” He blamed religion for serving to preserve political and economic inequality. He and Lenin sought to abolish religion.
In contrast to Marxism, God’s world is not one of scarcity and limitation. In fact, it is just the opposite. His world is one of abundance. Christ taught us of God’s intentions in Matthew’s Parable of the Talents (Matt: 25:14-30). In this parable a master who was leaving on a long journey gave his three servants money, called talents, in accord with their abilities. A talent was a measure of weight, equivalent to eighty pounds or approximately twenty years of ordinary labor. The first servant was given five talents, the second servant two talents, and the third servant one talent.
After a long time the master returned and the servants came to settle accounts with him. The first servant with five talents had earned five more. The second servant with two talents had earned two more. The master praised both servants for being trustworthy with a few things and put them in charge of many things. He invited them to share his joy.
The third servant told his master that he knew his master was a harsh man who reaped where he did not sow, and gathered where he did not scatter seed. Being afraid, he hid in the ground his one talent which he now returned to his master. The master responded by calling him a lazy and wicked servant and said he ought to have invested his one talent with the bankers so at least he would have earned interest with it. The master had his one talent taken from the third servant and given to the servant with ten talents. He ordered the third servant thrown into outer darkness where “there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
When I first read this parable I was puzzled by Christ’s lesson, probably because I have at times held fast to money when I was afraid, like the third servant. Then it dawned on me what Christ was teaching us. By not trusting his master the third servant promoted scarcity even though his master had given him wealth. By hoarding his money he was taking it out of circulation like people did during the Great Depression.
Money is meant to be circulated and that is the only way it creates more wealth and more abundance. The third servant was disobeying God’s laws. He had buried his money in the ground rather than use it to create more wealth. He was destroying abundance rather than contributing to it. Rather than being responsible for not working and for not being productive while his master was away he blamed his master. As a consequence he lost what he had been given and was banished.
Contrast what Karl Marx would have done with the master and his servants. To enforce his doctrine “from each according to his abilities to each according to his need” he would have had his government tax the people he called “the rich class,” which would have included the master, the first servant and probably the second servant. Defining people by class and who belongs in which class is the privilege of his powerful government. He would have championed the cause of those he called “the poor class,” like the third servant who had not contributed to prosperity and consequently had the greatest need. Taxes from “the rich” Marx would redistribute to “the poor.” Marx knew that if you followed Christ you would not follow him. Christ warned us: “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” (James 1:8) To attempt to follow Christ and Marx is to be double-minded.
I leave it to you to conclude what will be the consequences from Marxism on our nation knowing this simple truth: we get more of what we reward and less of what we penalize. It comes as no surprise, consequently, that those nations whose governments have subscribed to Marxism show diminished prosperity and an increase in dependency on an ever increasing government. Dictators rule Russia, China, Cuba, and Venezuela while bankruptcy confronts Greece, Italy, Spain, and Portugal.
So what can we do to contribute to the abundance and prosperity God would have for us in the form of longer lives, greater health, prosperity, wealth, and abundance?
Here is what you can do:
First: you must want for everyone what you want for yourself and act accordingly. If you want prosperity you must act so as to promote prosperity for everyone. When you truly lift up everyone as well as yourself you will love God with all your mind, heart, and soul and you will love your neighbor as yourself.
Second: give more in the value of the service you provide than what you receive in cash value. When you act in this way you increase the prosperity of America and of the world. As an ambassador of God you will do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Third: you must spread the word. We are not a “one worm” nation of scarcity. We are a nation under God of prosperity and abundance for all.