Advice in Love Relationships » Relationship Advice

Abundance or Scarcity? How to have prosperity for yourself and others.

drwelpton — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 01:54:21 +0000

If you want prosperity believe in your heart in the goal you want. Want for everyone what you want for yourself– wealth, a love relationship, better health or whatever you desire instead of buying into scarcity. Return more in service value than you are paid in cash value. When you do these things you will realize your goal and increase the prosperity of others.

Listening with New Ears

drwelpton — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 21:36:18 +0000

“There are two ways to live your life—one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.”—Albert Einstein

John and Laura came to me for help with their marriage. They complained about problems communicating with each other.
During our first meeting I asked Laura, “What’s causing you the most pain?”
“I’m depressed and lonely,” she said. I saw a tear in the corner of her eye.
“Tell me more about it,” I asked. “What’s depressing you and making you lonely?”
“John’s so busy with his work I don’t get much time with him,” she replied. “When he comes home in the evening he still has work to do.”
“I know I’m not as available as you want,” John responded. “But I do have work to finish. In today’s economy I can’t afford to lose my job–even if it means I have to prepare reports after I get home.”
“Were you lonely growing up?” I asked Laura.
“Very lonely,” she answered. “My mother wasn’t there for me.”
“How do you explain that?” I inquired.
“I was the youngest of five children,” Laura replied. “By the time I came along my mother had run out of gas. She never comforted me when I cried. No one was there for me. My oldest sister occasionally talked to me, but she left when I was five. She went away to college. I was all alone after that.”
“It sounds sad,” I said. “Was your mother there for your siblings?”
“When I listened to my sisters and brothers it sounded like my mother hadn’t been there much for them either,” Laura responded. “They used to say Mom wasn’t known for her nurturing.”
“It must have been painful,” I said. “Do you feel like that now—like no one’s there for you?” I asked.
“Yes,” she responded as tears filled her eyes. “When John’s busy on his computer at night I feel ignored. I know he has work to do, but I wish he would set aside some time for me.”
“I’m busy in the evening preparing reports for the next morning,” John said. He looked at Laura. “Sometimes I think you just need to learn to let go of your pain from growing up,” he said.
“Perhaps I should,” Laura responded, “but right now I’m not able to do that.”
During our meeting John defended himself. He had his own anxieties about his job. He couldn’t connect with the idea that he was creating pain for Laura. He made it clear that he thought of himself as completely unlike her mother. He talked about how he kept trying to help his wife. Like most of us, he saw himself siding with his spouse against the mother who had wounded her. He did not think of himself as inflicting pain on the wife he loved.
In our next appointment the following week I asked Laura about her father and whether he had been there for her.
“Almost never,” Laura said, “and there were times when he was awful.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“He used to belittle me every time I brought home my report card,” she said. “He would ask me, ‘Are you lazy or are you stupid?’ He chided me for not doing as well in school as my brothers and sisters. He would harangue and lecture me. I guess he thought that would make me into a better pupil.”
“He was shaming you,” I said. “It must have been humiliating and painful.”
“It was,” she responded. She averted her gaze and dropped her head.
What surprised me is what happened next.
“I just got it,” John said as he spoke to Laura. “I didn’t realize until just now how I’ve been hurting you without meaning to. When I advise you to let go of your childhood pain it must sound just like your father giving you another lecture.”
Laura raised her head. She looked intently at John with a look of disbelief. A smile came to her face.
“I can’t believe you said that,” she responded. “I do feel with you exactly the way I did with my father when he would criticize me and tell me to shape up.”
“I’m sorry for doing that,” John said. “It’s not what I intended. I meant my advice to be helpful. I can see now that is wasn’t.”
What moved me was what happened with John. The previous week Laura had told him how his tone as well as his lecturing her about letting go had hurt her.
John had rebuffed her remarks and defended himself, clearly not liking to think of himself doing anything but loving Laura and trying to help her.
Like most of us, John sided with Laura when she spoke of how her parents had hurt her. He never thought of himself being like them, or repeating similar kinds of actions that re-wounded his wife. He rejected the idea that he could be an offender, especially to someone he loves.
In our meeting a week later something clicked. John suddenly saw how he could sound just like Laura’s father! There’s no predicting when something like this will happen. It is like a miracle. Our minds open and we can admit and take responsibility in a totally new way. That is what John did.
Laura witnessed the miracle. She was surprised and uplifted. They left our meeting in a new state of mind. John had changed an ingrained mindset that he was only a protector or a rescuer to Laura. He took off his blinders to see that without intending to he could also be an attacker or an offender.
John and Laura ascended to a new level, to a new state of awareness. Will they lapse back in the future? Probably. We all do at times. But they will never lose the new awareness-es they have attained: how the past colors the present and the present touches the past. John had seen how he can sound like Laura’s father and reopen old wounds for her.
Laura has seen in John something she never saw in her father: a man who appreciates how he can hurt the wife he loves and will take responsibility for it. Already they both are changed.
Remember the words of St. Paul: “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind…” (Romans 12:2)
Old mindsets conform us to our ingrained beliefs. When you change your mindsets you renew your mind, and when you renew your mind you transform your life.

Is There a Beam in Your Eye?

drwelpton — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 02:59:32 +0000

“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged…” (Matthew 7:1-2)

Kelly had a problem trusting her mother, Belle. Growing up she felt like her mother manipulated the truth. When her mother was dishonest she felt queasy in her stomach even though she couldn’t confirm the deceit. As a consequence of being deceived, Kelly’s sense of reality was changeable. She wasn’t sure what to believe or what she could count on.
Kelly’s family is enmeshed; they are overly involved with each other. They can’t leave one another alone, or get out of each others way. Belle is the younger sister. Donna, although just a little older, has always acted superior to Belle. Donna controls through being judgmental. She excels at criticizing Belle and telling her what’s wrong with her.
Belle sees herself as a victim. She pulls Kelly, her loyal daughter, to her side. By playing the victim she gets Kelly to stick up for her, even to take care of her. Kelly has few if any memories of her mother looking after her as a child, or giving her the guidance mothers usually give daughters. Instead, Kelly had to learn to do everything for herself.
While growing up Kelly even looked after her parents by cooking, cleaning up, and keeping house. Her mother was used to being the younger sister who was coddled. Kelly typically took her mother’s side when she argued with Donna. She knew her mother had a hard time standing up to Donna on her own.
Belle’s husband had died a few years ago when Belle had turned seventy. He left her without much money. Belle had no idea what to do. She had never worked. She was used to being taken care of. In need of more money to support a lifestyle that was now beyond her means, Belle turned in desperation to Donna, who was well off. Belle also received financial help from Kelly and her husband.
Belle was afraid of her older sister. Donna had always gone one-up and took pleasure in demeaning her younger sister. Donna typically got the last word, even more so since Belle now depended on her for money. For years Belle and Donna fought like bitter enemies over pulling other people to their side. They triangulated Kelly between them.
Maxine is Donna’s daughter-in-law, married to Donna’s son. Maxine’s marriage was rocky, and she held Donna responsible for most of the marital quarrels. Donna was critical of Maxine from the get-go, finding fault with her as a wife and making her opinions known to her son in front of Maxine. It would be safe to say that Maxine intensely disliked Donna.
When Maxine’s husband left her to file for a divorce, Maxine turned angry and vengeful. She learned that Donna’s husband, who had died recently, had surreptitiously carried on an affair. Maxine phoned Donna in the middle of the night. In a disguised voice she pretended to be the “other woman,” and told Donna she was going to “get her.” After several such phone calls Donna discovered it was Maxine who was making these calls. Donna immediately told Belle and Kelly that Maxine was the culprit.
The following night Maxine phoned Belle. Seeing it was Maxine calling, Belle did not pick up the phone. She did tell Kelly that Maxine had phoned her and that she did not answer. Without thinking more about it, Kelly mentioned this fact in front of Donna when she and her mother were at Donna’s house the following day.
Donna went into an uproar! She was furious with Belle for not having shared this information with her already. Belle turned on Kelly. “You’re a liar!” she screamed at her daughter. Kelly was dumbstruck. She had told the truth. Belle carried on hysterically until Kelly left Donna’s house to escape the verbal onslaught from her mother for having “lied.”
The next day when Kelly and her mother were alone, Belle apologized to Kelly for calling her a liar. Belle said it was the only thing she could do to protect her relationship with Donna. Kelly knew how afraid her mother was of Donna. As she heard this explanation, however, Kelly felt her mother wasn’t doing much to protect their relationship.
There was, however, a positive consequence from this uproar. At the moment when her mother apologized to her for calling her a liar a light bulb lit up for Kelly. For the first time in her life she got confirmation of her mother’s outright lying. It was the only time she could remember that her mother admitted straightforwardly to deceit in their relationship. When Kelly had previously felt many times while growing up that she was being deceived she never got her mother’s validation.
Kelly felt like she had been given a new lease on life. She felt, she said, like she was “born again.” For the first time she felt like her reality wasn’t “screwed up.” She now understood why she never knew what to believe while growing up, and why her sense of reality was unsteady.
Kelly also felt enlightened as to why she was so open and honest with her own children, often to a fault. She realized she told them too much, more than they needed to know on many occasions, as compensation for how she had been kept in the dark. She vowed to do a better job going forward of discriminating as to what to tell her children. She would pay careful attention to what was age appropriate for them to know.
Kelly worked with me on her boundaries. She learned how to take care of herself by trusting and protecting her own reality. Her reality was defined as: how she looked physically, what she thought and felt, and her behavior– what she had done or not done.
She learned to use a filter in her mind to discriminate about the thoughts that were expressed to her by other people. With her mother, for example, she used her filter to determine whether what her mother said to her was true or not true. Her truth, like everyone’s, is determined by what is true for her. Shakespeare described the process of defining our truth in Laertes’ advice to his son Polonius:
“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.” (Hamlet)
With this filter established in her mind, Kelly checked out whether what her mother or anyone else said agreed with her reality. She accepted into her mind what others said when it agreed with her reality. When she accepted a thought she had feelings about it and dealt with those feelings. If she determined a thought was not true, she did not accept it into her mind as her reality. If she was not clear whether a thought expressed to her was true or not true, she kept it in limbo until she made that decision. Then, she either accepted it into her mind as a reality or she rejected it. At the same time Kelly acknowledged that the thought she rejected could be true for the speaker, but that did not make it true for her.
By establishing and reinforcing these boundaries Kelly learned not to let anyone else tell her what she should think or feel. Kelly recognized that she and her mother had different realities. Each had her own.
She came to realize that each of us creates our own reality. We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are. The world we see reflects who we are. Each of us lives in our own world. Our worlds overlap when we share a common reality with another person. When we do not, our realities are different.
Even in love relationships we have different realities, which can cause pain when we remember things differently, when we perceive the same event differently, or when we feel differently about an event. It makes no sense to argue with another person about different memories, different perceptions, or different feelings because we each create our own. Loving another person does not eradicate our individuality, or our differences.
Kelly said she discovered a new found freedom when she realized that having a different reality from her mother’s did not mean that she had stopped loving her mother. In fact, she felt more comfortable loving her mother when she accepted their differences.
Having good boundaries about her reality was a totally new concept and experience for Kelly. It changed her life. She was now able to discriminate that it did not match her own reality when her mother had called her a “liar.” Since she did not accept the thought into her mind, she no longer had to wrestle with feelings about it. Instead, she saw this accusation as her mother’s reality at that moment, probably even as a manipulation her mother was using for self-protection–nothing more, nothing less.
Kelly did not respect her mother for having falsely accused her of being a liar.
She did, however, develop a new respect her mother when, for the first time ever, she admitted to Kelly that she had lied when calling Kelly a liar. How often, Kelly asked herself, do people defend themselves by accusing you of the very thing they are doing? Her mother had lied by calling her a liar. She said that politicians came to her mind, even Presidents, but we decided not to go there.
Instead Kelly quoted Christ from Matthew (7:3): “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?”
Kelly asked me, “Doesn’t Christ’s question apply to sisters too? …And also to mothers and daughters?”
I nodded yes.
I replied, “When you own the beam in your own eye you change your life.”

The Power of the Truth

drwelpton — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 02:07:12 +0000

Patricia is a forty year old woman who has had a successful law practice for many years. Patricia loves politics and has run for office in her city and state. She has won and lost in her bids to be elected. Even when she has lost an election she has continued to be involved in voluntarily helping people through her legal expertise and her connections in the community.
Patricia’s commitments to her law practice and to her volunteer work have kept her very busy. She has not married. Recently she fell in love with a man whom she looks on as a soul-mate, someone she would seriously considering marrying. In her courtship with him she has broken some of her family’s rules about spending the night together before marriage. Her parents not only disapproved of her conduct but of her choice of a man who would behave as he had.
As a child Patricia sensed problems in her parents’ marriage. Her mother experienced severe mood swings, at times leading to emotional outbursts. Her family lived on edge fearing these tirades. Her father took care of her mother by giving in and going along to try to keep her happy.
Patricia knew that her mother ran the family. She felt sorry for her father. He had an intense love of classical music and his wife showed no interest in accompanying him to the symphony. Patricia liked classical music and was thrilled to join her father by going to concerts with him starting in her childhood. It was the only time she had alone with him. It was the strongest bond she experienced in their father-daughter relationship.
At one point during her teens Patricia confided in her mother that she had not really liked the music in the latest concert they had attended. She was caught off guard when her mother shared this confidence with her father. Her father was so hurt that he never took Patricia to another concert. Patricia experienced the danger of confiding in her mother and of offending her father.
Now that she had just turned forty Patricia felt it was time she made her own decisions. She had lived long enough under the threat of cut-offs. She was old enough to be autonomous.
An opportunity opened up unexpectedly for Patricia to run for the office of attorney general. Patricia threw her hat in the ring. When she told her parents of the decision she had made they were furious. They asked how she could possibly make such an important decision without their consent. Their greatest fear was that she might lose the election. Patricia was not sure whether they were afraid for the pain it might cause her, or for the pain and shame it could cost them.
For years Patricia had a ritual with her parents. Every Saturday she had lunch with her parents at their beach club. She kept in touch with them every week through sharing this meal together. Her siblings were not part of it. She had this time alone with her parents. It was at Saturday lunch she had told them of her decision to run for attorney general.
Monday morning following that Saturday lunch Patricia’s father called. He told her she was no longer invited to Saturday lunch with them. He said their beach club lunches together had ended. Patricia knew that while her father did the dirty work, her mother was as much, if not more, behind this decision.
Patricia had enjoyed these lunches and it was a huge loss to have them stopped. She felt abandoned and desperate the first couple of days. She wept and in her loneliness she confided in her beaux. It reminded her of when her mother had engineered the cut off by her father from going with him to the concerts.
Then a surprise came. Guess what happened? Patricia suddenly found herself feeling free! It was not freedom from having to spend time with her parents. Not seeing them regularly continued to feel like a loss. She would still see them but not regularly and not for Saturday lunch.
What freed her was the truth. She had confirmation of what she felt in her gut. Never before had she felt such clear evidence of this truth: to be close to her parents she had to do what they wanted. If she dared to be her own person, to be herself by making her own decisions, she would be cut off when they disapproved.
Her autonomy to be herself now meant more to her than living for her parents’ approval. Patricia found her liberation exhilarating. She would continue to love and care for her parents, but she would not be bound by them. She would make her own decisions. Patricia realized she is enough and she matters on her own. She learned to love and approve of herself and to affirm that God loves her unconditionally.
St. John wrote: “Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (8:32).

Giving & Receiving: E. Hendricks with Dr. Doug, WTWG

drwelpton — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 01:51:15 +0000

Listen To This: Giving & Receiving: Ernestine Hendricks with Dr. Doug, WTWG. Do you allow others to run you? Have to continue to give gifts when they are not appreciated? Is it selfish to expect someone else to live by your values and your agenda? Do you expect someone to give you something back when you give them a gift? Do you know that expectations can be premeditated resentments? Rather than focusing on what you don’t have you can pray: “God help me want what I have.”

I Have No Job: What Can I Do?

drwelpton — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 15:54:41 +0000

“Times are hard,” I said. “I’ve never worried so much about money. I keep asking myself if we’re going to make it!”
“I know,” He replied. “Times like these try men’s souls–you find out what you’re made of.”
“I would willingly work but I need a job!” I stated.
“It’s hard for most people,” He replied. “Many are counting on food banks and food stamps. Their houses are upside down with more debt than value.”
“I’m frustrated with Washington,” I continued. “Neither the President nor Congress are helping. The plans they’ve tried have failed.”
“They’re caught in the blame game,” He said. “No one is taking responsibility for their part in this disaster.”
“I blame the Federal Reserve too,” I complained, “not just Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac. The bubble the Fed created through easy money and inflation led to this bust. We want to believe the government can solve all our problems, and the politicians want us to believe it so we will give them more money and more power. Look where it has got us: out of control government, out of control spending, out of control regulation and as a consequence no jobs.”
“I know,” He said, “but why do you blame someone?”
“I like to blame someone else,” I replied. “It protects me from feeling responsible or having to do something. You’re certainly not going to tell me the politicians and the bankers haven’t played their part?”
“Yes, they have,” He replied, “but what good is blaming going to do you?”
“It relieves my frustration, “I answered. “It let’s me express my anger.”
“Do you want to protest in the streets?” He asked. “Would that express your ire?”
“It’s tempting,” I replied, “but it’s not just about what’s going on outside me. It’s about what’s happening inside me.”
“What do you mean?” He asked.
“I feel a lot of fear,” I said. “I’m afraid of running out of money. I wake up in the middle of the night trying to figure out how to pay our bills.”
“What else are you feeling?” He inquired.
“I’m totally frustrated and angry,” I said. “I see no effective leadership in our nation. Instead of bringing us together to help one another, the President is dividing people. He’s setting the tax receivers against the tax payers, the poor against the rich. He’s blaming the Congress and the Congress blames him. No one is stepping forward to lead us.”
“You look really worried.” He said.
“I am worried,” I said. “I’m worried for our country like I’ve never been before. Everyone has to scrimp. It’s good that people are learning to be frugal and the value of saving. At the same time there could be blood in the streets!”
“What make’s you say that?” He questioned.
“The more we play the blame game the less chance we have to come together,” I responded. “The blame game can escalate into fighting.”
“Once violence gets started it can be difficult to stop,” He acknowledged. “People can get hurt, even killed… Do you think that will be the worst of it?” He asked.
“No,” I said. “I see our country being fractured. People can’t even discuss their differences they feel so at odds. It must be like it was over slavery before the Civil War.”
“You’re right,” He said. “It was just like that during the Civil War. Families fought and killed each other based on being in the north or the south.”
“That’s really tragic,” I said, “killing relatives and people you love.”
“It was that way during the Revolution too,” He responded. “Families split irreparably over whether they were revolutionary Patriots or Loyalists to the King.”
“So how can we heal it?” I asked. “How can we come back together?”
“You can’t heal from the outside,” He answered. “You have to heal on the inside. Conditions and circumstances always get blamed because that’s the easy distraction. The question is: are you yourself at peace?”
“No,” I answered. “How can I be at peace when I’m scared about having no money and no job and being totally at odds with some of my family and friends?”
“What can you do to stop being run by your fears?” He asked.
“I know I can calm myself by breathing,” I replied. “I breathe in ‘peace’ and breathe out ‘fear’ or ‘anger.’”
“That’s the best way to start,” He said. “Breathing is the fastest way to change your emotions.”
“I exercise and I meditate too,” I continued.
“Good for you,” He responded, “You need to take care of yourself… Is there anything else you do?
“I pray,” I answered. “I put God and love where I experience fear and anger.”
“How can God help?” He asked. “He doesn’t have any battalions.”
“Who are You to tell me that?” I asked. “Are You saying that You are powerless?”
“I’m just having some fun with you,” He responded. “I know you understand that life is too important to be taken too seriously.”
“You are right,” I agreed, “and sometimes I do take life too seriously, only to feel angry and disappointed when I’m disillusioned.” I paused. “God does have battalions,” I continued. “They are armed with love and mercy rather than with guns.”
“That is fortunate,” He responded. “Those who live by the sword usually die by the sword. Those who live through God’s love and mercy do not die. Their influence goes on forever.”
“I think you are telling me that he who has peace in his heart will not take up arms against his brother?” I asked.
“Yes,” He said, “that is what I am telling you. The peacemaker will focus on what he can do to help himself, his family, and his neighbor. He will help in whatever way he can.”
“Are you telling me that this current crisis is a time when we need to help one another?”
“Yes,” He replied. “Right now it is imperative that you pull together. Families need to help one another. Communities need to come together.”
“Like what kind of communities?” I asked.
“Religious communities,” He answered. “What have you gained if you worship but you don’t have a community? Or if you have a community but you fail to help one another?”
“I never knew that You expected us to be so involved with each other,” I said. “I thought it was enough to go to church on Sundays and to remember to say my prayers.”
“That’s just the start of it,” He said. “You may not realize it, but I have no hands but your hands. I have no feet but your feet. I have no voice but your voice. It is up to you to express Me in the world. You are my ambassador.”
“Is what you’re telling me that in these hard times I need to get more involved in my community, more involved with others, to help them and be helped by them? I inquired.
“You got it,” He said. “I am telling you that you are my child and you are my ambassador. It is up to you to express my caring and love in the world.”
“Wow,” I responded. “I never thought of it like that.”
“You manifest my existence,” He said. “You show my face to your family and to your neighbors. Through you and your actions your family and neighbors will know Me.”
“Now I get it,” I said. “Families often have conflicts within themselves and need help to come together. You want us to help.”
“Yes,” He responded, “churches and temples help families connect within themselves and with other families. Together they build a community.”
“It is my mistake,” I said, “to have put government in the place of God and entrusted my future to the politicians. In wanting our votes the politicians have promised me and everyone too much and put our nation deep into debt trying to provide it. As a consequence our country is bankrupt financially and spiritually.”
“You are speaking truth,” He responded. “You must return to the truths you know. To prosper you must live within your means. You will reap what you sow. You are right that Caesar is not God, nor is the government.”
“I lost my way when I ignored my spirituality” I replied. “I became too involved with what the government does and paid too little attention to what I do. It took this financial crisis to awaken me, to take me back to my roots and my soul.”
“For years it has been known,” He concluded, “that where there is no vision the people will perish (Proverbs 29).”
I followed my roots and my soul. I found His vision for me through spirit, often called the Holy Spirit.
I participated in my church community, and I shared with others what I’d learned. I joined men in my Bible study group, for example, to provide and serve Christmas dinner to hundreds of people from less fortunate families. As I watched babies, young children, and teenagers come with their parents to have a bountiful Christmas dinner I felt exhilarated. I felt fulfilled. I thought service would be tiring. Instead I learned that service brings joy!
A few good men and women can change the world. We have before and we will again as we devote our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor. When you carry out God’s word who knows what your next job might be?

Christmas: Have We Lost It? Dr. Doug with Ernestine Hendricks, WTWG radio

drwelpton — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 19:57:52 +0000

Has Christmas been lost to commercialism? To Santa Claus and expectations about gifts? To the stress of getting the right present, sending cards, decorating the tree and your house, fixing a meal that everyone enjoys? Have we lost the birth of Jesus Christ and His message for the world? Are we focused on what other people think of us– like the gift we gave?
Do you realize that your idea of God will determine your life? That who you are is more powerful than what you say? That what others think of you is not your business? Listen to my discussion with Ernest Hendricks.

Part 3 of Hope: the Story of King Theo and Lydan the Sage

drwelpton — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 19:01:49 +0000

Part 3 of Hope: the Story of King Theo and Lydan the Sage

“Your idea of God will determine your whole life.”—Emmet Fox

“If you pray and meditate and sit quietly in silence,” replied Lydan, “if you empty yourself sufficiently so as to die to your self, if you give up knowledge and power and can be just who you are, then one day it may happen that you will awaken from the dream to enter a new and wondrous world. Your life will become eternal, as it has always been; you will live in infinite space beyond the confines of dimensions; and you will never again experience reality for what you once thought it was. Your body will no longer live in fear of death, and your soul will become cosmic, understanding mysteries you never before knew existed, and standing in awe of mysteries you could never before allow yourself to see. If you lose your superiority and your self-centeredness you may realize that you are one with all of life, with every creature and every presence in it, from the greatest to the least. There is nothing that you are not and nothing that is not you. The life you have sought outside you has forever been within you.”

King Theo felt moved by the glow in the sage’s eyes, and by the sincere tone of his voice, as well as by what he said. Following a long and thoughtful silence he responded: “I am afraid if I give up my hopes and ambitions, and learn to accept what is, I will stagnate and stop changing.”
“On the contrary,” responded Lydan, “what could be a greater change? Is that not why we all resist asking God to help us want what we have? Instead, we ask Him to help us have what we want.”
King Theo nodded with understanding. “I am also afraid,” he said, “if I don’t work to change my kingdom the people will consider me selfish, and accuse me of doing nothing.”
“It is one of the great illusions of mankind,” responded the sage, “to think that demanding others change is selfless and doing something, and that changing oneself is selfish and doing nothing.” Lydan looked affectionately at King Theo as he said: “Change yourself, and you will change your kingdom.”
Feeling challenged the King questioned the sage about his style of life. “If the life of the Holy Spirit is all you say it is,” he inquired, “why do you not preach it to all of our citizens?”
“I have preached to the people about the Holy Spirit,” replied Lydan. “I learned that while it can be taught it becomes real only through self-discovery. Those who have not experienced the Holy Spirit cannot understand it, and so they consider anyone who speaks of it to be crazy or soft-headed. Many are called but few are chosen because few choose themselves. Rather than try to force my views on others, I prefer to let people come to me, to hear from each of them what he or she is ready to learn.”
“But that is so slow,” objected the king, “and sounds so ineffective!”
Lydan laughed. “I know it may seem slow and ineffective,” he responded, “but I know that people change one step at a time, through growth within themselves. When any two of us touch in an encounter of our souls, it is like a pebble dropped into a pool of quiet water. The rings grow and grow as they spread across the surface, touching and creating yet new rings. How many will eventually be touched this way, I will never know, yet that is not my concern so much as making myself available to each individual I encounter.”
More time passed in further discussions and in silences between King Theo and Lydan. With time, the king found that silence no longer seemed a waste of time to him, but instead the beginning of relaxation, serenity, and inner peace.
One day King Theo found himself moved beyond description by an experience of ecstasy and serenity he could not fully comprehend. He felt as if the light of the whole world had appeared before him, that he had entered heaven momentarily and become one with God and the universe. Through this unfathomable experience, he felt that his eyes had been opened for the first time to the real world. What he had previously taken for reality he now realized was an illusion.
When the experience had passed, King Theo broke the silence to say to the sage: “I have been coming here to meet with you for how long I don’t know anymore, for it seems like I have always known you. With your help I no longer take myself so seriously. I no longer strive so hard for things I once thought were right. I now realize that my attempt to enforce equality on my people destroyed their freedom, and it didn’t make them feel like equals in their hearts.”
The king paused and then continued: “I have died and been reborn. I have lost my self, and in the process I have discovered who I am and always have been. I no longer feel I am so important to this world. Should I die, I now know there are others who will come to do what I am doing, perhaps even better than I. This greater reality I have seen cannot be extinguished–it lives forever in the soul of man and cannot be silenced. I now know that the soul of man is eternal, as is the greater Truth.”
King Theo dropped his glance momentarily, then looked into Lydan’s eyes. “I have discovered,” he continued, “that fulfillment comes not from outward possessions, including rank and riches, but from inward expansion, so as to absorb yet more. I am no longer so full of desires, ambitions, and hopes, for I am at peace with life, as I am with myself. I accept it, all that has been and whatever may come, as I accept all parts of myself, including those I dislike and the fact that I have conflicts. I find now that I have no need of hopes, for what is there I need to hope for? Indeed, I feel neither hopeful nor hopeless. I just am.” Looking skyward as he extended his arms upward King Theo said to Lydan: “I am all that, and so are you.”
Lydan smiled a deep smile of love, one that used to frighten King Theo because it embraced him so totally. “You have awakened from the dream,” he said. “You have fulfilled yourself, and have become a most fit ruler for your kingdom. Now all things in your kingdom may be affected by you, and yet no one need be dependent on you. Your influence will be there to sustain and support all things. A true leader stands under his people not over them–he genuinely understands.” After a pause the sage concluded, “You are indeed right that you have no need of hopes, so now you may let others rest their hopes in you.”

Doug Welpton, M.D.

For other postings like “Am I Going to Heaven or Am I Going to Hell? and “Matt’s New Job” see my blogsite: http://www.adviceinloverelationship.com.

Hope: the Story of King Theo and Lydan the Sage, Part 2

drwelpton — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 01:45:26 +0000

“Govern a big country as you would fry small fish” (they become paste with constant turning) —- Lao Tzu

And so it was that for many months King Theo visited each month with Lydan, telling him first about the problems of his kingdom, then about his troubles with his counselors and the Court, and finally about his difficulties with the queen and his family. When the king ran out of things to say Lydan encouraged him to pray and taught him the art of daily meditation. Even though he enjoyed looking at the sights from the top of the mountain it was difficult for King Theo to endure the silences, for they made him feel like he was wasting time. He reminded himself of how painful a journey he had made, only to find himself sitting silently with the sage.
When the king complained of wasting time, Lydan attempted to comfort him. “The road to peace is difficult,” he said, “as is the way to self-fulfillment. We can find it only through unburdening ourselves rather than taking on more, through stillness rather than through activities, through developing patience rather than racing against time, and through giving up hopes rather than generating new ones.”
King Theo found himself perplexed. He complained to the sage: “I do not understand. I came here with great ambitions to fulfill myself as a king, and with great hopes to improve my kingdom by ridding it of all evils. I hoped to make my people share their wealth, so that they would respect one another as equals and care for others, not just for themselves and their profits. Now you tell me I should give up my hopes, and stop my rush to accomplish my ambitions, and I am confused how your advice will help me.”
Lydan all too painfully understood the confusion of the king, for he had known many times the difficulty of explaining to men those truths they find almost beyond comprehension. He took a deep breath as he spoke to the king: “I am sorry I have confused you, for that was not my intent. I must admit, in all honesty, that what you have said likewise confuses me. If equality and humanity are invisible things,” he asked, “how can you hope to accomplish them by visible means? How is it possible to enforce humanity and equality on people, when these are feelings within people that cannot be legislated or enforced? When you force people through laws and taxes to practice equality, for example, that is not true equality, but only its superficial appearance. When you sacrifice freedom for material equality what have you gained? And how can anyone make people care, as in caring for others, when the idea of coercing care is a contradiction?” He looked at King Theo as he asked: “If your people have nothing more to care for than profits and possessions, is that not a symptom of their poverty which inflicts its own punishment?”
King Theo experienced the ring of truth in the sage’s words, although he did not like their implications. “What about my hopes and great ambitions,” he protested, “what is going to happen to them?”
“Is it our hopes and ambitions that make things happen,” responded Lydan, “or do they happen when we align ourselves with universal laws? Like the law that says we reap what we sow. Or another law that says what you believe in your heart is what you bring into your life.”
At this point the king grew exasperated, and decided to confront Lydan with his hardest questions. “If you do not live for hopes and ambitions,” he asked the sage forthrightly, “what do you live for? If you do not wish to rid the world of evil, and to do what is right, what sustains you? It is obvious that you do not cherish material possessions, and yet you appear content.”
The sage gazed toward the mountains for a moment, before he looked at the king and replied, “If you live for hopes, you live for tomorrow, but not for today. As for me, I do my best to live for now, which means I must accept all that is, both good and evil, even though I prefer what I consider good.” His eyes engaged King Theo’s. “If you are going to work for change,” he continued, “you must first accept what is, which is the greatest change of all! I am content when I accept life as it is, which means that I must continually grieve and absorb and expand inwardly to digest life’s disappointments, if I wish to replace wrong with right, or hate with love.”
The sage’s voice grew deep and solemn, and his eyes took on a brilliant glow, causing King Theo to tremble as he listened. “As to what it is I live for,” Lydan continued, “there is one thing that surpasses all else, and yet I hardly know what to call it, much less how to explain it. For want of better terms I call it the life of the Holy Spirit. It is the understanding that transcends words and explanations, the golden light that may enter into a man’s life and elevate him somewhere between heaven and earth, giving him vision where before he had just sight.”
“You are describing what I have been seeking,” said King Theo, “how do I find it?”

If you want to learn how Lydan helps King Theo with his spiritual journey part 3 will be posted next week on my website: http://www.adviceinloverelationship.com.

drwelpton — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 20:58:52 +0000

“Stronger than all the armies of the world is an idea whose time has come.”— Victor Hugo

King Theo was a very idealistic king. He took his position quite seriously. He was deeply distressed that in his prosperous kingdom some of his people were poor while others were rich. He considered this unfair. He believed his people were too devoted to business and that they took advantage of one another for profits. He wanted his subjects to treat one another more humanely and to regard each other as equals.
The king convened his council to seek an answer for his hopes. Together they decided to increase the taxes on the rich. The money his kingdom collected would be given to the poor. He and his council reasoned that the wealthy would continue to have plenty to support themselves, and now the poor would no longer have to suffer. They believed that as the condition of the poor improved they would become more equal with the wealthy. As a consequence of being more equal the people would treat each other more humanely.
King Theo was surprised with the results of his plan. After receiving tax money some of the poor complained it was not enough. Other people, who considered themselves poor, complained when they did not receive any of the taxes. The rich complained they lost their good feeling from voluntarily giving to the poor. They said that being taxed felt completely different from giving out of generosity. Many of the rich gave less to charity when their money was taxed away. They complained when the king gave their money to those he and his council chose and not to those they would have chosen.
King Theo observed that the poor lost their incentive to work now that they were given support. He saw that the rich lost their drive to work hard. They said it was not worth the effort when their earnings were taxed away, especially the more they earned. The well-off who resisted paying the taxes were fined or sent to jail. As a result they hired tax advisers and lawyers to help them skirt the laws. The rich and the poor now regarded each other as adversaries; consequently they did not treat each other more humanely, as the king had hoped, but with greater disdain and animosity.
As the prosperity of his kingdom diminished and the people became more divided King Theo convened his council to seek their advice again. His counselors were as perplexed as the king as to what to do to relieve the unhappiness and anger of the people. Moreover, some of the king’s counselors were rumored to have given their friends favors from the taxes. Even the queen was criticized by the people for the extravagances of her wardrobe and her lavish parties. Throwing up their hands in despair at not knowing what to do the council recommended to King Theo that he consult a sage named Lydan, who was renowned for his wisdom and his healing powers.
Given the urgency of his distress from the growing turmoil in his kingdom King Theo immediately rode off for the mountains where Lydan lived, full of hopes for help. He carried with him a box of rare and precious jewels with which to reward the sage provided he proved helpful.
Following the tiring journey King Theo found Lydan and wasted no time in telling him in detail of his problems.
After listening attentively and thoughtfully to everything the king told him Lydan replied: “If you wish your people to treat one another with equal respect, you must treat everyone with equal respect, including both the rich and the poor. Why do you treat your citizens as classes instead of as the individuals they are? All so-called poor people are not alike, nor are all rich people. Some of those you class as poor may consider themselves rich, and some you define as rich may see themselves as poor.”
King Theo looked surprised as Lydan continued to speak: “Reduce the taxes of your government, and your people will not feel so burdened nor become so cunning. Live yourself less extravagantly, and your people will not be so interested in possessions. Reduce your interference in the lives of your people, and they will stop treating one another as objects to be controlled, instead of persons to be respected. Rid your Court of all favoritism and corruption, and your people will show greater respect for the laws, and treat one another more humanely.”
King Theo found the sage’s advice unnerving, but he also thought it wise. Before leaving, he presented the sage with the box of jewels. Lydan took them, looked at them carefully, and admired their beauty. He returned them to the king saying: “I thank you for your generosity, and I am flattered by it, but I have no need for precious jewels. They will only bring robbers to my door, as do all possessions. I would appreciate, however, sharing with you some of the bread you brought.”
Lydan brewed his finest tea for the king and brought out golden pears along with his favorite cheese. While the two of them ate together, he looked at King Theo and said: “It is obvious that you are a well intentioned and thoughtful king, and I would enjoy being of help to you. If you would like my help in fulfilling your greatness as a king, you could come to visit me each month, although I know that would mean you must make the arduous journey.”
King Theo thought long and hard before replying, for he did not relish such travel. After due consideration he replied: “Even though it is a difficult journey, I am willing to come, especially if you will help me accomplish all my hopes.”

If you want to learn how Lydan helps King Theo with his hopes part 2 will be posted next week on my website: http://www.adviceinloverelationship.com.

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Part 3 of Hope: the Story of King Theo and Lydan the Sage

Hope: the Story of King Theo and Lydan the Sage, Part 2

Hope: the Story of King Theo and Lydan the Sage© Part 1