Advice in Love Relationships » Relationship Advice

The Compulsive Use of Sex Videos Destroys Marriages & Relationships

drwelpton — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 02:11:58 +0000

Dr. Doug Welpton talks with Mike on the Mike Bullard Show about love, good sex, intimacy, and lust. Dr. Doug says we have been sold a bill of goods being led to believe that using sexy videos leads to good sex in relationships and marriage. Lust leads to sexual pleasure and a temporary high, but it does nothing to promote love. A relationship is built on sharing yourself, your thoughts and feelings, with your partner. Lust does not promote intimacy. Sex based on lust is focused on: what can you do for me to give me pleasure? Advancing beyond lust to caring for your partner works better for the relationship. We focus on: what can I do for you to give you pleasure?
To build a relationship beyond giving each other pleasure requires self disclosure and vulnerability. Most everyone has some anxiety about sharing themselves. Most people do not like to feel vulnerable. However, there is no way to become intimate without feeling vulnerable. It is when we trust enough to take the risk to share our inner thoughts and feelings that we build a solid connection with our partner. Intimacy (into-me-see) is the cornerstone of a love relationship.

Tiger Woods: affairs admission opens way to an honest life

drwelpton — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 18:18:52 +0000

In their show “The Bottom Line of Romance” my discussion with Larry Arnette and Sharon Stevens discusses sexual and financial infidelity using Tiger Woods affairs as an example. The sudden shattering of his pristine image has shocked the world and his fans, and the initial cover up has provoked more media attention to the full story and details, creating a conflict between “too much information” and “celebrity gossip.” With the admission of his affairs Tiger Woods has lost his previous image but freed himself from living a secret double life. Living with secrets makes us sick through dishonesty and shame. Tiger is now free to use his courage to live an honest life, which is the best way for him to win back his family and his fans. We discussed, as well, how to stop arguing for the sake of your relationship and how to work on rekindling your romance. I offer a free ebook which can be downloaded from my website: www.talk2myheart.com to guide you through the steps to have a successful conversation about money and infidelity, both sexual and financial. For relationship tips and advice, links to articles in CBS Moneywatch.com, Investor’s Business Daily, and radio shows, plus my blog see my website: www.adviceinloverelationship.com.

Sex addiction, Tiger Woods & therapy, love vs. lust

drwelpton — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 15:37:52 +0000

Our society encourages lust by promoting the belief that it leads to good sex and to love. Playboy, Hustler, Sex in the City, and pornography are supposed to promote good sex. Lust is sex for the high it produces. Lust is about “what can you do for me?” and not about a lasting relationship. Lust does not lead to love or good sex; it leads to more lust.
Young men become visually imprinted by their first sexual experiences and try to re-create them instead of focusing on their partner. Women find that serial sexual encounters lead nowhere–not to the relationship they seek.
Recovery from sex addiction takes time to shift mindsets from trying to recreate the high of a lust based visual memory through progressive steps in which a man (or woman) learns to say “no” to sex, to touching, to flirting, to talking, to looking, to fantasizing until he or she is focused solely on the person they love with all their sexual and romantic feelings.
Tiger Woods has to break through compartmentalizing his life to live an honest life instead of a double life, as do most sex addicts. This requires integrating his feelings and thoughts and will require energy and focus that could easily interfere with his golf performance for months to come. He will need support in his commitment to recovery. Twelve step programs like Sex and love addicts anonymous (SLAA) offer the support needed.
To use my free ebook describing steps you can use, each of which will help you talk about difficult issues like sex, money, lust, or addiction, go to .
For my discussion of sex addiction and lust with Host Ray Horner on WARK radio go to:

How couples talk successfully about finances and money

drwelpton — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:55:07 +0000

Host Rick Vazquez, author of “The Pizza Delivery Millionaire” and host of the Web Talk Radio show titled “Winning in the Game of Life” discusses with me how couples can talk successfully about their finances. The steps I explain include giving each other a reward for the discussion, learning to appreciate what your partner contributes to your financial process, setting aside the time, talking without criticism or blaming, and using a positive tone while making eye contract. To avoid judgments couples use “I” not “you” statements and limit themselves to just three sentences during their turn to speak. Each commits to something they will start doing immediately to help financially. They can trade off whose purchase they put first each week or each month or however often they agree they can afford the purchase. Giving to your relationship instead of keeping score on purchases can advance your relationship to a new level.

How to Discuss Money without Arguing or Fighting

drwelpton — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 21:14:12 +0000

Host Don Campbell and I discuss the unintended consequences of divorce. Money is one of the leading causes of divorce, especially when a spouse has the mindset that your partner should think like you do, that is, that your partner who is a spender should become a saver or vice-versa.
There are several steps each of which adds to your success in a money conversation. Starting by giving your partner a reward that they want at the end of your discussion helps build pleasure into what can otherwise be just a painful conversation.
Appreciating how your partner’s differences contribute to your financial relationship helps.
Learning to discuss money like business partners without criticizing or blaming is essential.
You each take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings and commit to one activity you will begin to do immediately to help financially.
You each learn to focus on carrying out your activity and sharing your appreciation over what your partner carries out.
You finish by giving each other the rewards you asked for, like a foot massage or a back rub, listening to a piece of music, holding hands–activities that bring pleasure to your money conversation.

What causes cheating or sexual infidelity?

drwelpton — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 22:58:48 +0000

Cheating is a symptom that something is missing. Usually the unfaithful partner is feeling: 1) the loss of romance,sex,& excitement. It is easier to fall in love than to stay in love; 2) the lack of connection and communication including the difficulty discussing touchy subjects like money, sex, & in-laws causing emotional distance between partners; 3) wavering self-acceptance and self-esteem causing the unfaithful partner to seek approval, admiration, and esteem from other people. The unfaithful partner may feel superior or inferior to others, neither of which is reliable self-esteem. Affairs typically start through an emotional connection which leads to the sexual relationship.

Tiger Woods’ affairs: Truths and Consequences. KQRS Mike Barnard Show

drwelpton — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 03:12:19 +0000

Tiger Woods was devastated by his father’s infidelities with his mother, Tida, according to his first girlfriend, Dina Parr. His father, Earl, had been unfaithful to his first wife, Barbara, too. Tiger’s pristine image has been shattered, he has lost advertising sponsors, and his marriage to Elin Nordegren is headed toward divorce with painful consequences not just for Tiger and Elin but for their two young children as well.
Tiger is faced with a life changing decision: whether to confront his infidelities and his legacy from his otherwise revered father. Does he continue his repetitive pattern of cheating, or does he confront his addiction and take on the challenges of recovery? Addictions are common in our society; they are compulsive patterns of behavior we repeat in spite of their negative consequences.
Tiger has the choice of confronting his infidelities through recovery which will allow him to live an honest life, a life without secrets, and a life which will enable him to respect himself.
What was missing? What was he seeking through his repetitive affairs? What did he not have?
Could it have been that in spite of his fame, wealth, and power he did not value himself, was not content with himself, could not accept himself? Fame, wealth, and power do not guarantee us self-respect and self-esteem. Perhaps our most difficult challenge is to value and respect ourselves and to feel worthy just the way we are, warts and all. We have seen these struggles in many of our most famous celebrities: President Clinton, Princess Diana, O.J. Simpson, John Edwards, President Nixon, Michael Jackson, and now Tiger Woods.

Tiger Woods difficulties: can he recover? Dean Johnson, WCAP Host

drwelpton — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 16:01:20 +0000

What got Tiger Woods to throw away what appeared to be a perfect life? Something was missing: do he and Elin talk? Was it his father’s death? Golf as a childhood? His parents’ separation? His wife’s first pregnancy? Can Tiger recover? Can his marriage be saved?

Tiger Woods admits affairs: can he recover? Gary Pozsik, Host, WGCV, 620 AM

drwelpton — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 02:41:31 +0000

Gary Pozsik, host at WGCV, interviewed me about Tiger Woods. He asked: how could someone who had everything, like Tiger, do what he did? How can we explain his affairs? What might be the consequences for his marriage? What would I recommend that Tiger and his wife do?

Tiger Woods: affairs admission opens way to an honest life

drwelpton — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 04:07:29 +0000

With the admission of his affairs Tiger Woods has lost his previous image but freed himself from living a secret double life. Living with secrets makes us sick through dishonesty and shame. Tiger is now free to use his courage to live an honest life, which is the best way for him to win back his family and his fans. We discussed, as well, how to stop arguing for the sake of your relationship and how to work on rekindling your romance.