Comments for Advice in Love Relationships http://adviceinloverelationship.com From Dr. Doug Welpton Sun, 25 Jul 2010 15:28:12 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 Comment on Am I in the Right Relationship by drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-114 drwelpton Sun, 25 Jul 2010 15:28:12 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-114 Hi Steffy, No matter how much you and your fiance love each other your relationship will not go anywhere as long as he continues his addictions of alcohol and pot. Your self-esteem will continue to suffer as will your financial situation. You are not in a safe relationship right now to start a family. I strongly urge you to find Al-anon meetings near you by phoning Al-anon or AA. Begin attending meetings immediately. This can be difficult because of the shame, but you will quickly find everyone at the meeting shares similar problems and will offer you support. If you don't like the first meeting you attend try other Al-anon meeting until you find ones where you feel like you fit. Sometimes it takes as many as 6 different meetings. At the meetings find a sponsor as soon as possible--someone who has experience with addictions and can be available to you by phone on a daily basis to support you. Your fiance needs AA and possibly NA (narcotics) to stop his addictions. Your sponsor and your Al-anon meetings will give you guidance about this. Your first task is to help yourself. You cannot change anyone but yourself. Changing yourself is the best thing you can do for your relationship. When you take responsibility to change yourself you will feel better about yourself. Have courage and do not let your fears stop you! Dr. Doug Hi Steffy,
No matter how much you and your fiance love each other your relationship will not go anywhere as long as he continues his addictions of alcohol and pot. Your self-esteem will continue to suffer as will your financial situation. You are not in a safe relationship right now to start a family.
I strongly urge you to find Al-anon meetings near you by phoning Al-anon or AA. Begin attending meetings immediately. This can be difficult because of the shame, but you will quickly find everyone at the meeting shares similar problems and will offer you support. If you don’t like the first meeting you attend try other Al-anon meeting until you find ones where you feel like you fit. Sometimes it takes as many as 6 different meetings. At the meetings find a sponsor as soon as possible–someone who has experience with addictions and can be available to you by phone on a daily basis to support you.
Your fiance needs AA and possibly NA (narcotics) to stop his addictions. Your sponsor and your Al-anon meetings will give you guidance about this.
Your first task is to help yourself. You cannot change anyone but yourself. Changing yourself is the best thing you can do for your relationship.
When you take responsibility to change yourself you will feel better about yourself.
Have courage and do not let your fears stop you!
Dr. Doug

]]> Comment on Am I in the Right Relationship by steffy http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-113 steffy Sun, 25 Jul 2010 03:36:56 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-113 hi Dr. Welpton i've been in a relacionship for about 2 years already with my fiancee am a 23 year old an he is 35 ....i know the age is a big diffrence but in the first shot in our relacionship we hitted off great no problems whats so ever .... after two years losing a baby which i miscarried about 5 months ago i feel our relacionship is falling apart not due to the misscarriage but due to his lifestyle-- he is a heavy pot smoker an alcholic he spends all his hard earn money which i state like about 200 to 300 dollars a week smoking cannibis,,, which i dont find wrong but due to us living in a country thats illegal not to mention whats doing to him an our financial situation... he barely wants to have sex he wants to sleep instead of going out for a movie or drink-- he been really cold to me---- he's been threw alot dealing with his mom which he hasent seen for a year because of a huge fight they had , also because when i talk to him about how i feel an telling him whats going on with our relacionship ...he falls into this deep depression an starts drinking alcohol till he passes out so at times i dont say anything to him for that reason,,,, i really love him , but i feel like this is affecting me in a very hard way not to mention i've lost my self esteem an this hole situation has made me mentally ill -- please doc i need advice it will mean so much hi Dr. Welpton

i’ve been in a relacionship for about 2 years already with my fiancee
am a 23 year old an he is 35 ….i know the age is a big diffrence but in the first shot in our relacionship we hitted off great no problems whats so ever …. after two years losing a baby which i miscarried about 5 months ago i feel our relacionship is falling apart not due to the misscarriage but due to his lifestyle– he is a heavy pot smoker an alcholic he spends all his hard earn money which i state like about 200 to 300 dollars a week smoking cannibis,,, which i dont find wrong but due to us living in a country thats illegal not to mention whats doing to him an our financial situation… he barely wants to have sex he wants to sleep instead of going out for a movie or drink– he been really cold to me—- he’s been threw alot dealing with his mom which he hasent seen for a year because of a huge fight they had , also because when i talk to him about how i feel an telling him whats going on with our relacionship …he falls into this deep depression an starts drinking alcohol till he passes out so at times i dont say anything to him for that reason,,,,
i really love him , but i feel like this is affecting me in a very hard way not to mention i’ve lost my self esteem an this hole situation has made me mentally ill — please doc i need advice it will mean so much

]]> Comment on Financial infidelity or sexual infidelity: which is worse? by drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/financial-infidelity-or-sexual-infidelity-which-is-worse/comment-page-1/#comment-112 drwelpton Fri, 23 Jul 2010 16:29:30 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=213#comment-112 Stacey, I agree with you that spouses are forgiving and that honesty is worth the risk. Spouses are more forgiving when you take complete responsibility for your wrong doing, as in hiding purchases or credit card debts. Without trust over money marriages are compromised and become less committed if they last. Dr. Doug Stacey,
I agree with you that spouses are forgiving and that honesty is worth the risk. Spouses are more forgiving when you take complete responsibility for your wrong doing, as in hiding purchases or credit card debts. Without trust over money marriages are compromised and become less committed if they last. Dr. Doug

]]> Comment on Financial infidelity or sexual infidelity: which is worse? by Secret Credit Cards and Other Marriage Breakers - CBS MoneyWatch.com http://adviceinloverelationship.com/financial-infidelity-or-sexual-infidelity-which-is-worse/comment-page-1/#comment-111 Secret Credit Cards and Other Marriage Breakers - CBS MoneyWatch.com Fri, 23 Jul 2010 13:05:16 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=213#comment-111 [...] According to the survey, 18% of participants are guilty of this sin. Last summer, I interviewed Dr. Doug Welpton, a Clearwater, Fla. based psychiatrist and family therapist, about financial infidelity. At the [...] [...] According to the survey, 18% of participants are guilty of this sin. Last summer, I interviewed Dr. Doug Welpton, a Clearwater, Fla. based psychiatrist and family therapist, about financial infidelity. At the [...]

]]> Comment on Stop Arguing For The Sake Of Your Marriage by drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/stop-arguing-for-the-sake-of-your-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-105 drwelpton Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:48:20 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=261#comment-105 Kaleen, The surest way to stop arguing is to make sure you understand your partner's point of view by re-stating it to him until he tells you that you got it. If the issue is one you feel strongly about wait 24 hours before you tell him your view on the topic and ask him to paraphrase or restate your viewpoint until you tell him he has understood you. As soon as you put your energy into understanding your partner rather than arguing with him, you will change how you communicate. For added alternatives to stop an argument you will find other steps you can use in my "Relationship Tips" on my blog-site on under: "How to Stop Arguing for the Sake of your Marriage/Relationship." By the way, it makes no sense to argue over your perceptions or over your feelings since each of us creates those for ourselves and no two people no matter how much they love each other will interpret a sight, sound, taste, touch, or smell identically or feel the same way about it. If you watch the same movie, for example, you may well perceive what you saw differently and have different feelings about it. Growth in a relationship comes from understanding and tolerating our differences with our partner. If they thought and felt just the way we do the relationship would be boring. Conflict is an instrument through which we grow the way two pieces of metal rubbing against one another sharpen each other. When you are under stress from your families intimate couples often take out on each other what they can't express or share with their families. Kaleen,
The surest way to stop arguing is to make sure you understand your partner’s point of view by re-stating it to him until he tells you that you got it. If the issue is one you feel strongly about wait 24 hours before you tell him your view on the topic and ask him to paraphrase or restate your viewpoint until you tell him he has understood you. As soon as you put your energy into understanding your partner rather than arguing with him, you will change how you communicate.
For added alternatives to stop an argument you will find other steps you can use in my “Relationship Tips” on my blog-site on under: “How to Stop Arguing for the Sake of your Marriage/Relationship.”
By the way, it makes no sense to argue over your perceptions or over your feelings since each of us creates those for ourselves and no two people no matter how much they love each other will interpret a sight, sound, taste, touch, or smell identically or feel the same way about it. If you watch the same movie, for example, you may well perceive what you saw differently and have different feelings about it.
Growth in a relationship comes from understanding and tolerating our differences with our partner. If they thought and felt just the way we do the relationship would be boring. Conflict is an instrument through which we grow the way two pieces of metal rubbing against one another sharpen each other.
When you are under stress from your families intimate couples often take out on each other what they can’t express or share with their families.

]]> Comment on Stop Arguing For The Sake Of Your Marriage by Kaleen http://adviceinloverelationship.com/stop-arguing-for-the-sake-of-your-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-104 Kaleen Mon, 28 Jun 2010 05:34:43 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=261#comment-104 My boyfriens and I have been arguing lately, a lot lately. We always talk about how we need to stop arguing, but nothing ever happens. We are so serious about our relationship. We love each other so much, we've been dating for 9 months about, but have been really close for two years. We make each other so happy all the time, but our arguing gets so out of control, about nothing big. I mean sometimes its about serious things but its mostly about little things that just get to us. After we argue and settle down, we talk about what each other needs to fix and work on. We talk about things that make us upset, and we stop doing those things. But then new things come up and start upsetting us. It probably doesnt help the fact we are both going to a massive amount of hurt from our family issues. I guess we kinda take it out on each other, causing more hurt. We just need to come up with a good solution from a good person and quit arguing for good! I hope something will work. I want to be with him forever and I want to be the best girlfriend there ever was for him. Please help, Sincerely, Kaleen. p.s. thanks for listening, please give feed back. ? My boyfriens and I have been arguing lately, a lot lately. We always talk about how we need to stop arguing, but nothing ever happens. We are so serious about our relationship. We love each other so much, we’ve been dating for 9 months about, but have been really close for two years. We make each other so happy all the time, but our arguing gets so out of control, about nothing big. I mean sometimes its about serious things but its mostly about little things that just get to us. After we argue and settle down, we talk about what each other needs to fix and work on. We talk about things that make us upset, and we stop doing those things. But then new things come up and start upsetting us. It probably doesnt help the fact we are both going to a massive amount of hurt from our family issues. I guess we kinda take it out on each other, causing more hurt. We just need to come up with a good solution from a good person and quit arguing for good! I hope something will work. I want to be with him forever and I want to be the best girlfriend there ever was for him.

Please help,

Sincerely, Kaleen.

p.s. thanks for listening, please give feed back. ?

]]> Comment on Attracting your Soul Mate by drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/attracting-your-soul-mate/comment-page-1/#comment-95 drwelpton Mon, 21 Jun 2010 02:14:31 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=46#comment-95 Norma, I understand your impatience in wanting a quick reply. Impatience, however, appears to be a problem for you. Your impatience appears to have allowed you to become sexually intimate too quickly and now has you scared you have not built a relationship that will continue. You need to work on slowing down to give yourself time to build a friendship by sharing with your date how you each feel and what future you each want. If his plans do not coincide with yours, or he is uncertain what he wants, you need to slow yourself down until you know what to count on with your partner. Norma,
I understand your impatience in wanting a quick reply. Impatience, however, appears to be a problem for you. Your impatience appears to have allowed you to become sexually intimate too quickly and now has you scared you have not built a relationship that will continue. You need to work on slowing down to give yourself time to build a friendship by sharing with your date how you each feel and what future you each want. If his plans do not coincide with yours, or he is uncertain what he wants, you need to slow yourself down until you know what to count on with your partner.

]]> Comment on Attracting your Soul Mate by drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/attracting-your-soul-mate/comment-page-1/#comment-94 drwelpton Mon, 21 Jun 2010 02:06:59 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=46#comment-94 By being intimate on the third date you have run a big risk. The test will be to see whether he continues to date you. If you want a committed relationship you need to build a strong friendship first. Adding sexual intimacy after you have built personal intimacy through talking and sharing your thoughts and feelings gives you a much better chance to create a lasting relationship. By being intimate on the third date you have run a big risk. The test will be to see whether he continues to date you. If you want a committed relationship you need to build a strong friendship first. Adding sexual intimacy after you have built personal intimacy through talking and sharing your thoughts and feelings gives you a much better chance to create a lasting relationship.

]]> Comment on Attracting your Soul Mate by max http://adviceinloverelationship.com/attracting-your-soul-mate/comment-page-1/#comment-93 max Sun, 20 Jun 2010 17:11:37 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=46#comment-93 i'm needing a response i'm max i’m needing a response i’m max

]]> Comment on Attracting your Soul Mate by max http://adviceinloverelationship.com/attracting-your-soul-mate/comment-page-1/#comment-92 max Sun, 20 Jun 2010 17:08:13 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=46#comment-92 i met a guy about 4 years ago that we both were attractive with one another we lost contact for now we ran across one another again and on the third date we were intimate so did i make a mistake that can't be made right ? i met a guy about 4 years ago that we both were attractive with one another we lost contact for now we ran across one another again and on the third date we were intimate so did i make a mistake that can’t be made right ?

]]>