Advice in Love Relationships

From Dr. Doug Welpton

Stop Arguing For The Sake Of Your Marriage

4 September 2009 2 Comments

How to Stop Arguing for the Sake of Your Marriage: 3 quick ways–use your breathing, use thinking instead of feeling energy, use paraphrasing back your spouse’s message until he or she says you “got it.”

Fred Snyder of WGET interviews Dr. Doug on how to stop any argument, anytime.

2 Comments »

Kaleen said:

My boyfriens and I have been arguing lately, a lot lately. We always talk about how we need to stop arguing, but nothing ever happens. We are so serious about our relationship. We love each other so much, we’ve been dating for 9 months about, but have been really close for two years. We make each other so happy all the time, but our arguing gets so out of control, about nothing big. I mean sometimes its about serious things but its mostly about little things that just get to us. After we argue and settle down, we talk about what each other needs to fix and work on. We talk about things that make us upset, and we stop doing those things. But then new things come up and start upsetting us. It probably doesnt help the fact we are both going to a massive amount of hurt from our family issues. I guess we kinda take it out on each other, causing more hurt. We just need to come up with a good solution from a good person and quit arguing for good! I hope something will work. I want to be with him forever and I want to be the best girlfriend there ever was for him.

Please help,

Sincerely, Kaleen.

p.s. thanks for listening, please give feed back. ?

# 27 June 2010 at 10:34 pm

drwelpton said:

Kaleen,
The surest way to stop arguing is to make sure you understand your partner’s point of view by re-stating it to him until he tells you that you got it. If the issue is one you feel strongly about wait 24 hours before you tell him your view on the topic and ask him to paraphrase or restate your viewpoint until you tell him he has understood you. As soon as you put your energy into understanding your partner rather than arguing with him, you will change how you communicate.
For added alternatives to stop an argument you will find other steps you can use in my “Relationship Tips” on my blog-site on under: “How to Stop Arguing for the Sake of your Marriage/Relationship.”
By the way, it makes no sense to argue over your perceptions or over your feelings since each of us creates those for ourselves and no two people no matter how much they love each other will interpret a sight, sound, taste, touch, or smell identically or feel the same way about it. If you watch the same movie, for example, you may well perceive what you saw differently and have different feelings about it.
Growth in a relationship comes from understanding and tolerating our differences with our partner. If they thought and felt just the way we do the relationship would be boring. Conflict is an instrument through which we grow the way two pieces of metal rubbing against one another sharpen each other.
When you are under stress from your families intimate couples often take out on each other what they can’t express or share with their families.