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Relationship Advice »

[24 Aug 2015 | 2 Comments | ]

Part 5  The Cost of Financial Infidelity
 We met three weeks later.   
They sat on the sofa, I in my chair with the round leather-topped coffee table between us.
“I’ve cut down on pot,” Steve said. “I’m determined to stop in a week.”
“Are you okay with that?” I asked.
“Not just okay. I feel better, even proud.  The Buspar takes the edge off.”
“It’s good not to have the smell in the house,” Carey said.
Steve nodded. “I’m coughing less.”
 “Good!” I smiled.  “How’s it going with Vanessa?”
“It’s over,” Steve replied.  “We haven’t seen each other since …

Relationship Advice »

[13 Apr 2015 | No Comment | ]

 Part 3: Boundaries enable you to protect yourself and your partner physically, sexually, and emotionally when you talk
“We need to discuss boundaries,” I said. It was the start our next meeting. “How you establish and maintain them.”
“Boundaries sound like putting up fences,” Steve said.  “I thought we’re working to get closer?”
“It’s paradoxical,” I responded. “Robert Frost said it well: ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’”
“I think I’d feel safer with walls,” Carey said sarcastically. 
Steve rolled his eyes.  “Oh God, here we go again.”
 “Walls give you complete protection, but they disconnect you from …

Relationship Advice »

[19 Dec 2014 | 2 Comments | ]

Part 1: The Drama Triangle: Who’s the Victim and Who the Offender?
I met them in the waiting room where they were sitting on the yellow couch upholstered with lively red and blue flowers. They both smiled as we shook hands and walked through the hall into my two room office.  The hall and both rooms are painted in soft peach. The outer room has a salmon colored couch where I asked them to sit to fill out intake forms.  Having completed forms regarding their basic information and self-evaluation on stress, trauma, and alcohol use, I …

Relationship Advice »

[18 Feb 2012 | No Comment | ]

You can change your life no matter how old you are by recognizing the mistaken beliefs (dysfunctional mindsets) that limit you and your relationships.
You have to replace those mistaken beliefs with truths (functional mindsets).
It is not enough to have these new ideas or truths in you thoughts. You must hold them in your heart.
Ernestine Hendricks, the hostess on WTWG 1050 AM, and I discuss examples from my life and from my work with clients.

Relationship Advice »

[19 Jun 2011 | No Comment | ]

I discuss with Ernestine Hendricks on WTWG 1050 AM how to teach our children through our own lives how to combat excesses and addictions by not giving in to our compulsions–eating, drinking, drugs, sex, gambling, smoking among others. We are the models our children imitate and emulate. We need to develop and maintain well functioning boundaries with ourselves and with others. The famous French philosopher Pascal said that most of man’s problems come from the inability to sit quietly in a room alone. Sitting quietly leads …

Relationship Advice »

[14 Mar 2011 | No Comment | ]

Feeling enormous pain, shame, anger, and hurt when you are betrayed by your spouse’s having an affair leads commonly to feeling you want to divorce. Is this the best reaction to follow? Is it what’s best for you? Is it what’s best for your children? Give yourself time enough to calm down and think rationally rather than blindly following your feelings. Ultimately, the decision is yours.
I have counseled many couples who recovered from affairs. Many of them had better marriages because they learned to share more …

Relationship Advice »

[8 Mar 2011 | No Comment | ]

Paul Moore and Kim Jones, co-hosts at WVVI, 93.5 FM, ,St. Croix, Virgin Islands discuss with me the challenges of marriage.
It is a challenge to change your dysfunctional mindsets like when you realize you believe a good marriage should not have conflicts or arguments. You avoid discussing the issues that cause you pain and end up getting divorced because your conflicts have not been resolved.
It is a challenge to be a divorced mother and a single parent to your children even while it feels better than remaining in a painful …

Relationship Advice »

[23 Feb 2011 | 2 Comments | ]

Ernestine Hendricks and I discuss common challenges in marriage including infidelity and why marriage is not obsolete on
Affairs are a prominent cause for divorce in today’s marriages. Affairs arise from disconnection in a marriage. Spouses stop talking with each other, stop sharing what’s important. Women feel loved and valued through the connection that comes with sharing. Men want to feel respected for their opinions and their achievements.
When we stop feeling loved, valued, respected, or appreciated we tend to go elsewhere. We find someone else when …

Save my marriage »

[12 Jun 2010 | 6 Comments | ]

Being a sex addict is not an excuse for lust or compulsive sex. Admitting you are a sex addict is the first step toward recovery. Recovery is a challenging process of weaning. The addict must learn to give up acting on impulse. He must give up the feeling of entitlement that he has a right to whatever he wants. He has to develop the boundaries and discipline to say ‘no’ to himself before engaging in sex, before touching, …

Relationship Advice »

[1 Jun 2010 | 2 Comments | ]

In their show “The Bottom Line of Romance” my discussion with Larry Arnette and Sharon Stevens discusses sexual and financial infidelity using Tiger Woods affairs as an example.  The sudden shattering of his pristine image has shocked the world and his fans, and the initial cover up has provoked more media attention to the full story and details, creating a conflict between “too much information” and “celebrity gossip.”  With the admission of his affairs Tiger Woods has lost his previous image but freed himself from living a secret double life.  …