Advice in Love Relationships » financial crisis

I Have No Job: What Can I Do?

drwelpton — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 15:54:41 +0000

“Times are hard,” I said. “I’ve never worried so much about money. I keep asking myself if we’re going to make it!”
“I know,” He replied. “Times like these try men’s souls–you find out what you’re made of.”
“I would willingly work but I need a job!” I stated.
“It’s hard for most people,” He replied. “Many are counting on food banks and food stamps. Their houses are upside down with more debt than value.”
“I’m frustrated with Washington,” I continued. “Neither the President nor Congress are helping. The plans they’ve tried have failed.”
“They’re caught in the blame game,” He said. “No one is taking responsibility for their part in this disaster.”
“I blame the Federal Reserve too,” I complained, “not just Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac. The bubble the Fed created through easy money and inflation led to this bust. We want to believe the government can solve all our problems, and the politicians want us to believe it so we will give them more money and more power. Look where it has got us: out of control government, out of control spending, out of control regulation and as a consequence no jobs.”
“I know,” He said, “but why do you blame someone?”
“I like to blame someone else,” I replied. “It protects me from feeling responsible or having to do something. You’re certainly not going to tell me the politicians and the bankers haven’t played their part?”
“Yes, they have,” He replied, “but what good is blaming going to do you?”
“It relieves my frustration, “I answered. “It let’s me express my anger.”
“Do you want to protest in the streets?” He asked. “Would that express your ire?”
“It’s tempting,” I replied, “but it’s not just about what’s going on outside me. It’s about what’s happening inside me.”
“What do you mean?” He asked.
“I feel a lot of fear,” I said. “I’m afraid of running out of money. I wake up in the middle of the night trying to figure out how to pay our bills.”
“What else are you feeling?” He inquired.
“I’m totally frustrated and angry,” I said. “I see no effective leadership in our nation. Instead of bringing us together to help one another, the President is dividing people. He’s setting the tax receivers against the tax payers, the poor against the rich. He’s blaming the Congress and the Congress blames him. No one is stepping forward to lead us.”
“You look really worried.” He said.
“I am worried,” I said. “I’m worried for our country like I’ve never been before. Everyone has to scrimp. It’s good that people are learning to be frugal and the value of saving. At the same time there could be blood in the streets!”
“What make’s you say that?” He questioned.
“The more we play the blame game the less chance we have to come together,” I responded. “The blame game can escalate into fighting.”
“Once violence gets started it can be difficult to stop,” He acknowledged. “People can get hurt, even killed… Do you think that will be the worst of it?” He asked.
“No,” I said. “I see our country being fractured. People can’t even discuss their differences they feel so at odds. It must be like it was over slavery before the Civil War.”
“You’re right,” He said. “It was just like that during the Civil War. Families fought and killed each other based on being in the north or the south.”
“That’s really tragic,” I said, “killing relatives and people you love.”
“It was that way during the Revolution too,” He responded. “Families split irreparably over whether they were revolutionary Patriots or Loyalists to the King.”
“So how can we heal it?” I asked. “How can we come back together?”
“You can’t heal from the outside,” He answered. “You have to heal on the inside. Conditions and circumstances always get blamed because that’s the easy distraction. The question is: are you yourself at peace?”
“No,” I answered. “How can I be at peace when I’m scared about having no money and no job and being totally at odds with some of my family and friends?”
“What can you do to stop being run by your fears?” He asked.
“I know I can calm myself by breathing,” I replied. “I breathe in ‘peace’ and breathe out ‘fear’ or ‘anger.’”
“That’s the best way to start,” He said. “Breathing is the fastest way to change your emotions.”
“I exercise and I meditate too,” I continued.
“Good for you,” He responded, “You need to take care of yourself… Is there anything else you do?
“I pray,” I answered. “I put God and love where I experience fear and anger.”
“How can God help?” He asked. “He doesn’t have any battalions.”
“Who are You to tell me that?” I asked. “Are You saying that You are powerless?”
“I’m just having some fun with you,” He responded. “I know you understand that life is too important to be taken too seriously.”
“You are right,” I agreed, “and sometimes I do take life too seriously, only to feel angry and disappointed when I’m disillusioned.” I paused. “God does have battalions,” I continued. “They are armed with love and mercy rather than with guns.”
“That is fortunate,” He responded. “Those who live by the sword usually die by the sword. Those who live through God’s love and mercy do not die. Their influence goes on forever.”
“I think you are telling me that he who has peace in his heart will not take up arms against his brother?” I asked.
“Yes,” He said, “that is what I am telling you. The peacemaker will focus on what he can do to help himself, his family, and his neighbor. He will help in whatever way he can.”
“Are you telling me that this current crisis is a time when we need to help one another?”
“Yes,” He replied. “Right now it is imperative that you pull together. Families need to help one another. Communities need to come together.”
“Like what kind of communities?” I asked.
“Religious communities,” He answered. “What have you gained if you worship but you don’t have a community? Or if you have a community but you fail to help one another?”
“I never knew that You expected us to be so involved with each other,” I said. “I thought it was enough to go to church on Sundays and to remember to say my prayers.”
“That’s just the start of it,” He said. “You may not realize it, but I have no hands but your hands. I have no feet but your feet. I have no voice but your voice. It is up to you to express Me in the world. You are my ambassador.”
“Is what you’re telling me that in these hard times I need to get more involved in my community, more involved with others, to help them and be helped by them? I inquired.
“You got it,” He said. “I am telling you that you are my child and you are my ambassador. It is up to you to express my caring and love in the world.”
“Wow,” I responded. “I never thought of it like that.”
“You manifest my existence,” He said. “You show my face to your family and to your neighbors. Through you and your actions your family and neighbors will know Me.”
“Now I get it,” I said. “Families often have conflicts within themselves and need help to come together. You want us to help.”
“Yes,” He responded, “churches and temples help families connect within themselves and with other families. Together they build a community.”
“It is my mistake,” I said, “to have put government in the place of God and entrusted my future to the politicians. In wanting our votes the politicians have promised me and everyone too much and put our nation deep into debt trying to provide it. As a consequence our country is bankrupt financially and spiritually.”
“You are speaking truth,” He responded. “You must return to the truths you know. To prosper you must live within your means. You will reap what you sow. You are right that Caesar is not God, nor is the government.”
“I lost my way when I ignored my spirituality” I replied. “I became too involved with what the government does and paid too little attention to what I do. It took this financial crisis to awaken me, to take me back to my roots and my soul.”
“For years it has been known,” He concluded, “that where there is no vision the people will perish (Proverbs 29).”
I followed my roots and my soul. I found His vision for me through spirit, often called the Holy Spirit.
I participated in my church community, and I shared with others what I’d learned. I joined men in my Bible study group, for example, to provide and serve Christmas dinner to hundreds of people from less fortunate families. As I watched babies, young children, and teenagers come with their parents to have a bountiful Christmas dinner I felt exhilarated. I felt fulfilled. I thought service would be tiring. Instead I learned that service brings joy!
A few good men and women can change the world. We have before and we will again as we devote our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor. When you carry out God’s word who knows what your next job might be?

How couples talk successfully about finances and money

drwelpton — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:55:07 +0000

Host Rick Vazquez, author of “The Pizza Delivery Millionaire” and host of the Web Talk Radio show titled “Winning in the Game of Life” discusses with me how couples can talk successfully about their finances. The steps I explain include giving each other a reward for the discussion, learning to appreciate what your partner contributes to your financial process, setting aside the time, talking without criticism or blaming, and using a positive tone while making eye contract. To avoid judgments couples use “I” not “you” statements and limit themselves to just three sentences during their turn to speak. Each commits to something they will start doing immediately to help financially. They can trade off whose purchase they put first each week or each month or however often they agree they can afford the purchase. Giving to your relationship instead of keeping score on purchases can advance your relationship to a new level.

How to Discuss Money without Arguing or Fighting

drwelpton — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 21:14:12 +0000

Host Don Campbell and I discuss the unintended consequences of divorce. Money is one of the leading causes of divorce, especially when a spouse has the mindset that your partner should think like you do, that is, that your partner who is a spender should become a saver or vice-versa.
There are several steps each of which adds to your success in a money conversation. Starting by giving your partner a reward that they want at the end of your discussion helps build pleasure into what can otherwise be just a painful conversation.
Appreciating how your partner’s differences contribute to your financial relationship helps.
Learning to discuss money like business partners without criticizing or blaming is essential.
You each take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings and commit to one activity you will begin to do immediately to help financially.
You each learn to focus on carrying out your activity and sharing your appreciation over what your partner carries out.
You finish by giving each other the rewards you asked for, like a foot massage or a back rub, listening to a piece of music, holding hands–activities that bring pleasure to your money conversation.

Marc Pearlman interviews Dr. Doug on YourMoneyMattersradio.com

drwelpton — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 03:07:07 +0000

Financial Infidelity: What is it and how to stop it. Cheating with money is a major threat to marriages and a leading cause of divorce. Bob’s wife even stole his identity to register their car in her name and use it to get a loan. She pawned her wedding ring and engagement ring. She kited checks from their bank accounts and told the bank Bob did it, getting him kicked out of the bank.
She even forged checks on their 19 year old son’s account. Financial infidelity can destroy marriages and families. Learn how to avoid it and what to do to stop it and correct it. Listen to this very informative program:

Can Financial Problems in Marriages Be Prevented? Dresser After Dark Finds Out

leilimckinley — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 01:18:41 +0000

Michael Dresser from Dresser after Dark asks Dr. Doug all the hard questions about financial infidelity and gets some answers!

Financial Infidelity as a widespread problem for marriages that can be prevented through making couples aware they need to be discussing money early and when committing. Listen now and find out how.

Chris Samples Interviews Dr. Doug About Financial Infidelity on KXDJ

leilimckinley — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 00:41:28 +0000

Chris Samples Interviews Dr. Doug About Financial Infidelity on KXDJ, 98.3 FM, Spearman, TX

Listen Now!

What is financial infidelity in a marriage and how to avoid it

leilimckinley — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 23:54:04 +0000

Brain Greenberg of WNJC,1360AM, Sewell, NJ, interviews Dr. Doug about Financial Infidelity. You can listen to the interview here.