Advice in Love Relationships » financial infidelity

The Truth on Changing Your Life Now, WTWG 1050 AM, with Dr. Doug & Ernestine Hendricks

drwelpton — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 18:23:44 +0000

You can change your life no matter how old you are by recognizing the mistaken beliefs (dysfunctional mindsets) that limit you and your relationships.
You have to replace those mistaken beliefs with truths (functional mindsets).
It is not enough to have these new ideas or truths in you thoughts. You must hold them in your heart.
Ernestine Hendricks, the hostess on WTWG 1050 AM, and I discuss examples from my life and from my work with clients.

Excess & Addiction: how to help our children & ourselves

drwelpton — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 21:11:38 +0000

I discuss with Ernestine Hendricks on WTWG 1050 AM how to teach our children through our own lives how to combat excesses and addictions by not giving in to our compulsions–eating, drinking, drugs, sex, gambling, smoking among others. We are the models our children imitate and emulate. We need to develop and maintain well functioning boundaries with ourselves and with others. The famous French philosopher Pascal said that most of man’s problems come from the inability to sit quietly in a room alone. Sitting quietly leads to meditation and introspection. We are compulsively busy to avoid the silence that brings us home to ourselves. The Delphic oracle told Socrates his task: Know Thyself. I have a good friend who says there are three things in life that are very hard: steel, diamonds, and to know thyself. When we know ourselves and can own our problems we change. When we embrace our demons they no longer control us. To find true peace take charge of your own life and be responsible for everything you think, say, and do.

Does an Affair Mean You Should Divorce?

drwelpton — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 02:34:13 +0000

Feeling enormous pain, shame, anger, and hurt when you are betrayed by your spouse’s having an affair leads commonly to feeling you want to divorce. Is this the best reaction to follow? Is it what’s best for you? Is it what’s best for your children? Give yourself time enough to calm down and think rationally rather than blindly following your feelings. Ultimately, the decision is yours.
I have counseled many couples who recovered from affairs. Many of them had better marriages because they learned to share more and not to put their heads in the sand hoping the problem would go away. A main problem leading to affairs is the reticence for spouses to discuss attractions to other people, using the discussion to be honest with your spouse and work to keep fidelity between you. Affairs arise out of the need for talking, for greater emotional connection more than for having sex.
Recovering from infidelity requires a commitment for healing to take place. The offender needs to listen to the pain and anger and hurt of his/her partner and needs to validate it by taking responsibility of having been unfaithful. He/she needs to make amends by apologizing sincerely for the affair and commit to not repeating this behavior.
Asking for forgiveness is a huge step toward healing and putting the pain and anger behind you. Forgiving your spouse is an act you do to help yourself. Holding onto your resentment thinking you will punish your partner is like taking poison thinking it will hurt your partner. Cutting the cord of resentment frees you to go on with your life. Your body and nervous system will thank you for letting go of the pain and anger.
You can create a new and better marriage. You can improve your communication with active listening and empathy for your partner. You may find support with your friends and in your church where people can offer you caring along with support for your marriage.
Hadley Finch and I discuss on her Blog talk Radio show “Tribe of Blonds” about how to recover from affairs and how to avoid them.

http://bit.ly/ij09MN

http://ALastingLove.net

Falling in love is easy; staying in love is hard.

drwelpton — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 02:52:34 +0000

Paul Moore and Kim Jones, co-hosts at WVVI, 93.5 FM, ,St. Croix, Virgin Islands discuss with me the challenges of marriage.
It is a challenge to change your dysfunctional mindsets like when you realize you believe a good marriage should not have conflicts or arguments. You avoid discussing the issues that cause you pain and end up getting divorced because your conflicts have not been resolved.
It is a challenge to be a divorced mother and a single parent to your children even while it feels better than remaining in a painful marriage.
It is a challenge to remain faithful in a long term marriage when there are temptations to have a romantic experience with a different partner causing you to wonder what that would be like.
Marriage confronts us with ourselves. Are we willing to commit ourselves to facing the conflicts that every marriage creates so that we can grow into becoming the best that is in us?
Can we say no to the temptations to take the easy path?
Falling in love is easy; staying in love is hard.
The path to transformation is straight and narrow.
Truth and commitment mark the path. Love is a commitment, not just a feeling.

Tiger Woods: affairs admission opens way to an honest life

drwelpton — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 18:18:52 +0000

In their show “The Bottom Line of Romance” my discussion with Larry Arnette and Sharon Stevens discusses sexual and financial infidelity using Tiger Woods affairs as an example. The sudden shattering of his pristine image has shocked the world and his fans, and the initial cover up has provoked more media attention to the full story and details, creating a conflict between “too much information” and “celebrity gossip.” With the admission of his affairs Tiger Woods has lost his previous image but freed himself from living a secret double life. Living with secrets makes us sick through dishonesty and shame. Tiger is now free to use his courage to live an honest life, which is the best way for him to win back his family and his fans. We discussed, as well, how to stop arguing for the sake of your relationship and how to work on rekindling your romance. I offer a free ebook which can be downloaded from my website: www.talk2myheart.com to guide you through the steps to have a successful conversation about money and infidelity, both sexual and financial. For relationship tips and advice, links to articles in CBS Moneywatch.com, Investor’s Business Daily, and radio shows, plus my blog see my website: www.adviceinloverelationship.com.

How couples talk successfully about finances and money

drwelpton — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:55:07 +0000

Host Rick Vazquez, author of “The Pizza Delivery Millionaire” and host of the Web Talk Radio show titled “Winning in the Game of Life” discusses with me how couples can talk successfully about their finances. The steps I explain include giving each other a reward for the discussion, learning to appreciate what your partner contributes to your financial process, setting aside the time, talking without criticism or blaming, and using a positive tone while making eye contract. To avoid judgments couples use “I” not “you” statements and limit themselves to just three sentences during their turn to speak. Each commits to something they will start doing immediately to help financially. They can trade off whose purchase they put first each week or each month or however often they agree they can afford the purchase. Giving to your relationship instead of keeping score on purchases can advance your relationship to a new level.

How to Discuss Money without Arguing or Fighting

drwelpton — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 21:14:12 +0000

Host Don Campbell and I discuss the unintended consequences of divorce. Money is one of the leading causes of divorce, especially when a spouse has the mindset that your partner should think like you do, that is, that your partner who is a spender should become a saver or vice-versa.
There are several steps each of which adds to your success in a money conversation. Starting by giving your partner a reward that they want at the end of your discussion helps build pleasure into what can otherwise be just a painful conversation.
Appreciating how your partner’s differences contribute to your financial relationship helps.
Learning to discuss money like business partners without criticizing or blaming is essential.
You each take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings and commit to one activity you will begin to do immediately to help financially.
You each learn to focus on carrying out your activity and sharing your appreciation over what your partner carries out.
You finish by giving each other the rewards you asked for, like a foot massage or a back rub, listening to a piece of music, holding hands–activities that bring pleasure to your money conversation.

Tiger Woods difficulties: can he recover? Dean Johnson, WCAP Host

drwelpton — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 16:01:20 +0000

What got Tiger Woods to throw away what appeared to be a perfect life? Something was missing: do he and Elin talk? Was it his father’s death? Golf as a childhood? His parents’ separation? His wife’s first pregnancy? Can Tiger recover? Can his marriage be saved?

Tiger Woods admits affairs: can he recover? Gary Pozsik, Host, WGCV, 620 AM

drwelpton — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 02:41:31 +0000

Gary Pozsik, host at WGCV, interviewed me about Tiger Woods. He asked: how could someone who had everything, like Tiger, do what he did? How can we explain his affairs? What might be the consequences for his marriage? What would I recommend that Tiger and his wife do?

Tiger Woods: affairs admission opens way to an honest life

drwelpton — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 04:07:29 +0000

With the admission of his affairs Tiger Woods has lost his previous image but freed himself from living a secret double life. Living with secrets makes us sick through dishonesty and shame. Tiger is now free to use his courage to live an honest life, which is the best way for him to win back his family and his fans. We discussed, as well, how to stop arguing for the sake of your relationship and how to work on rekindling your romance.