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[26 Feb 2016 | No Comment | ]

A lively monkey and a quiet turtle fell deeply in love and married
Marcie Monkey respected her turtle for being calm, cool, and collected
Titus Turtle adored his monkey for her exuberance and excitement
In time, Marcie complained her turtle didn’t share his feelings
Titus prayed his talkative monkey would restrain herself
Both blamed their partner for the problems in their marriage
Marcie suggested Titus learn to dance and be more talkative
Titus chided Marcie for exploring her feelings
He wanted to fix her “problem” of having strong emotions
Marcie wanted more sharing with her subdued turtle
Titus sought peace …

Relationship Advice »

[29 Mar 2015 | No Comment | ]

Part 2: Pioneers Have to Invent a Successful Marriage Lacking a Model from their Parents
Our meetings continued.  Steve’s tone mellowed and he became less self-righteous.  Carey sat forward on the sofa and her tone became more assertive.  With joy she announced her new job. Her former boss now worked for a different company.  When she phoned him, he eagerly employed her.
“I feel appreciated again!” Her tone bubbled with excitement.
With new confidence, Carey spoke what she’d been holding in. “I hate your smoking pot,” she said to Steve.  “It’s not just …

Relationship Advice »

[19 Dec 2014 | 2 Comments | ]

Part 1: The Drama Triangle: Who’s the Victim and Who the Offender?
I met them in the waiting room where they were sitting on the yellow couch upholstered with lively red and blue flowers. They both smiled as we shook hands and walked through the hall into my two room office.  The hall and both rooms are painted in soft peach. The outer room has a salmon colored couch where I asked them to sit to fill out intake forms.  Having completed forms regarding their basic information and self-evaluation on stress, trauma, and alcohol use, I …

Relationship Advice »

[24 Apr 2014 | 2 Comments | ]

“We don’t have fun like we used to.  Duhhh! We’re married.”

Jennifer phoned me.  She said her marriage was in serious trouble. She asked for an appointment for her husband and herself as soon as possible.  I saw them later that day.  I shook hands with Jennifer and Carl and motioned them toward the blue sofa in my office.  They sat down more than an arm’s length apart. Carl had intense blue eyes and a restrained smile. Jennifer was a beautician with large brown eyes and swept back auburn hair. Both …

Relationship Advice »

[12 Dec 2013 | 2 Comments | ]

Four-thousand miles zipped by as I flew to Hawaii to meet my one month old granddaughter.  Dawn is a divine spirit with inquisitive blue eyes and fine, strawberry blond hair.  She’s a larger than life spirit, measuring in the ninetieth percentile for both length and weight.
My daughter, Kristen, had to climb a tall mountain to have her first child.  She was forty-three and had endured four miscarriages. This pregnancy was diagnosed within a week of conception, and for the first time the doctors immediately gave her Progesterone to prevent …

Relationship Advice »

[17 Nov 2012 | 27 Comments | ]

Change your mindsets/beliefs to change your relationship, to live in Heaven rather than Hell. For example, you don’t have to think alike about saving and spending your money to bring together your different mindsets for the good of your marriage. Seeing what’s positive in your partner’s beliefs about money rather than what’s wrong can help you work together and be in Heaven rather than in Hell.

Change your mindsets/beliefs to change your relationship, to live in Heaven rather than Hell. For example, you don’t have to think alike …

Relationship Advice »

[10 Sep 2012 | No Comment | ]

In this radio show Ernestine Hendricks and I discuss the problem of procrastination, having dreams but not the discipline to carry them out. Expectations of others are premeditated resentments. Self-respect and not acting in ways that cause you to disrespect yourself is critical to your success. Love is a feeling but more importantly it is a commitment. When two individuals come together in a marriage each tries to convert their partner to their values and worldview. The gift of love is to be yourself and respect your …

Relationship Advice »

[11 Jun 2012 | No Comment | ]

Resentment arises between partners when one feels “better than” or “less
than” the other. Partners need to discuss their resentments and work on
changing their self-images to rectify feeling and seeing themselves as
inferior or superior.

Relationship Advice »

[24 May 2012 | No Comment | ]

Scott started our meeting. “I think I’ve found a solution to Karen’s feeling unequal,” he said with excitement.
“What do you have in mind?” I inquired.
“It’s a surprise,” Scott answered. “I wanted to share it with you right here,” he said as he turned toward Karen.
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“I realized recently that no matter how long you work at your job because of your pay scale you will never be able to save very much for your retirement,” Scott said. “I decided to give you …

Relationship Advice »

[8 Mar 2012 | No Comment | ]

Kristen came to therapy for help with bouts of depression, especially when she had gained a few pounds.  During counseling she said that her father left her mother when Kristen was one and a half.  He left his wife to marry another woman with whom he started a second family.  When Kristen visited he made her feel she did not measure up to his new family.  Visiting him was very painful for her.
I told Kristen that she was suffering from shame, not natural shame like embarrassment, but toxic and carried shame. Toxic shame is toxic to our self-esteem and …