I started this reationship by having a one night stand (or so I thought) with him while i was with an older man (MD) who had no time for affection and didnt care what i was doing. I knew him briefly in college and remet in this akward way. i left the Md and the other man kept pursuing. he was sweet and left the girl i found out he was with for me… as the plot thickens, we live together now. i love him but am concerned with his relations in the past, as i have found videos and pictures of his gf’s. what do i do? he thinks i am crazy and tels me so, denies things that i know he has (videos) and wont let me touch his phone but he uses mine always. i am too old for bs. if this means hes not into me, i want to be free. he says he loves me and i ove him. i cant let go of the past he holds onto..
You need to know that relationships that start with a one night stand typically do not lead to a committed relationship. I am concerned that you may not feel good enough about yourself to feel you deserve a fully committed relationship. There is a lot of confusion in this relationship and a major problem with trust. I recommend you sit down with your partner to have a conversation about trust and where you are going with each other. Guidelines to have a Connecting Conversation with your partner are available in my free ebook at http://www.talk2myheart.com
im 16 and im in a relationship with a guy thats 26 and i love him too bits n my parents hate him cos he is much older and he cant come round and i have too go to his house without my parents knowing
what shud i do ?
I’m afraid you are headed for pain. You are hiding from your parents and creating problems between you and them. Do you not trust their advice? Why not? The chances of a long term relationship with a 26 year old are not good. You will learn a lot from this relationship but I expect you will go through a lot of pain along the way. Loving him to bits means your emotions are in charge of you. Use your head not just your heart to figure out what is best for you. Ask yourself: what is best for me long term in this relationship? Can I trust this man? Will he be there for me? What is the cost to my relationship with my parents? Follow your good sense.
# 31 August 2009 at 7:51 pm
Dawn said:
Dr. Welpton,
I am in a relationship with a great guy and we have been together for over a year. He is 30 and I am 28. I few concerns have slipped into my mind. I have no doubt that I want to be with him, but there are a few issues that may pose future issues:
1) He grew up very differently than I, not in a bad way, but we certainly have different backgrounds;
2) His parents have a very unhealthy lifestyle;
3) my boyfriend does not have post secondary education and I have many post secondary degrees.
I do not mean to sound pretentious, but my concerns are if we stay together that these issues will head in child rearing and parenting. Am I over reacting on these issues (I do have a tendency to over think issues). I want a family, but I want to raise a family similar to the way I was raised (which is different from him). I have talked about hints here and there with him, but where we are not even engaged it is a strange conversation.
Any advice you could provide would be helpful.
Hello Dawn,
I believe your concerns are well founded and you need to trust yourself and your intuitions. Every marriage brings together different people and some backgrounds are more diverse than others. Your questions about his parents’ unhealthy lifestyle and his lack of education compared to yours can be difficult issues in a marriage, even more so once children are involved.
I recommend you bring these issues up with him gently and slowly, trusting yourself about the timing. As you know, timing is everything.
If your relationship grows more serious, there will be more occasions to keep talking about these differences. Your discussions will let you know whether you can accept your differences and work on them together. He will have different ideas about how to raise children from yours because he was raised differently from you. How well can you discuss these issues? Do you hear each other? Can you come together over them or are you split apart?
Your answers to these questions will allow you to decide whether to marry him or not when the time comes.
My Connecting Conversation ebook with steps to use in talking about touchy subjects with your partner is available for free at my website: http://www.talk2myheart.com. You might find these tips useful for talking with your boyfriend.
My best wishes to you, Dr. Doug
I started this reationship by having a one night stand (or so I thought) with him while i was with an older man (MD) who had no time for affection and didnt care what i was doing. I knew him briefly in college and remet in this akward way. i left the Md and the other man kept pursuing. he was sweet and left the girl i found out he was with for me… as the plot thickens, we live together now. i love him but am concerned with his relations in the past, as i have found videos and pictures of his gf’s. what do i do? he thinks i am crazy and tels me so, denies things that i know he has (videos) and wont let me touch his phone but he uses mine always. i am too old for bs. if this means hes not into me, i want to be free. he says he loves me and i ove him. i cant let go of the past he holds onto..
You need to know that relationships that start with a one night stand typically do not lead to a committed relationship. I am concerned that you may not feel good enough about yourself to feel you deserve a fully committed relationship. There is a lot of confusion in this relationship and a major problem with trust. I recommend you sit down with your partner to have a conversation about trust and where you are going with each other. Guidelines to have a Connecting Conversation with your partner are available in my free ebook at http://www.talk2myheart.com
im 16 and im in a relationship with a guy thats 26 and i love him too bits n my parents hate him cos he is much older and he cant come round and i have too go to his house without my parents knowing
what shud i do ?
I’m afraid you are headed for pain. You are hiding from your parents and creating problems between you and them. Do you not trust their advice? Why not? The chances of a long term relationship with a 26 year old are not good. You will learn a lot from this relationship but I expect you will go through a lot of pain along the way. Loving him to bits means your emotions are in charge of you. Use your head not just your heart to figure out what is best for you. Ask yourself: what is best for me long term in this relationship? Can I trust this man? Will he be there for me? What is the cost to my relationship with my parents? Follow your good sense.
Dr. Welpton,
I am in a relationship with a great guy and we have been together for over a year. He is 30 and I am 28. I few concerns have slipped into my mind. I have no doubt that I want to be with him, but there are a few issues that may pose future issues:
1) He grew up very differently than I, not in a bad way, but we certainly have different backgrounds;
2) His parents have a very unhealthy lifestyle;
3) my boyfriend does not have post secondary education and I have many post secondary degrees.
I do not mean to sound pretentious, but my concerns are if we stay together that these issues will head in child rearing and parenting. Am I over reacting on these issues (I do have a tendency to over think issues). I want a family, but I want to raise a family similar to the way I was raised (which is different from him). I have talked about hints here and there with him, but where we are not even engaged it is a strange conversation.
Any advice you could provide would be helpful.
Hello Dawn,
I believe your concerns are well founded and you need to trust yourself and your intuitions. Every marriage brings together different people and some backgrounds are more diverse than others. Your questions about his parents’ unhealthy lifestyle and his lack of education compared to yours can be difficult issues in a marriage, even more so once children are involved.
I recommend you bring these issues up with him gently and slowly, trusting yourself about the timing. As you know, timing is everything.
If your relationship grows more serious, there will be more occasions to keep talking about these differences. Your discussions will let you know whether you can accept your differences and work on them together. He will have different ideas about how to raise children from yours because he was raised differently from you. How well can you discuss these issues? Do you hear each other? Can you come together over them or are you split apart?
Your answers to these questions will allow you to decide whether to marry him or not when the time comes.
My Connecting Conversation ebook with steps to use in talking about touchy subjects with your partner is available for free at my website: http://www.talk2myheart.com. You might find these tips useful for talking with your boyfriend.
My best wishes to you, Dr. Doug
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