Comments on: Am I in the Right Relationship http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/ From Dr. Doug Welpton Thu, 12 Apr 2012 01:13:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-584 drwelpton Wed, 14 Mar 2012 20:20:01 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-584 Clare, I am pleased that you got my book and found it is helping you as well as read my just posted article on the Law of Attraction. If you follow each chapter and do the work it requires it will change your life. I know, because it changed mine. My very best wishes, Dr. Doug Clare,
I am pleased that you got my book and found it is helping you as well as read my just posted article on the Law of Attraction.
If you follow each chapter and do the work it requires it will change your life. I know, because it changed mine.
My very best wishes,
Dr. Doug

]]> By: Clare http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-583 Clare Wed, 14 Mar 2012 18:37:39 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-583 Dear Dr Welpton-thank you for your response and I have read your Law of Attraction article with interest, the points you discuss definitely make sense to me. I will also look at your book with interest. Many many thanks Clare, UK Dear Dr Welpton-thank you for your response and I have read your Law of Attraction article with interest, the points you discuss definitely make sense to me. I will also look at your book with interest.

Many many thanks

Clare, UK

]]> By: drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-582 drwelpton Wed, 14 Mar 2012 05:38:19 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-582 I am concerned for the long term about the differences in goals and values you describe. You need to be clear with yourself whether it is all right with you to be the principle breadwinner and to earn most of your family income while you are simultaneously raising your child? That is a lot for you to take on and you could well end up feeling resentment when Tony is taking it easy. Differences in goals and values do not go away and usually become more burdensome to a relationship over time. If you are not married I recommend you have Tony sign a legal contract that commits him to a level of child support when you do have a child. Too many men disappear from the family when the responsibilities of raising a child confront them. You will not repeat your mother's mistakes because you are so aware of them, but you will make other mistakes you don't foresee. We all do. The challenge is to see them sooner rather than later and take on changing the mindsets that cause them. My book can be helpful to you with this process. Do not try to change your partner--it doesn't work. Change yourself and you will change your marriage/relationship but make sure first that you are willing to live with your differences with Tony for a lifetime because you will live with them once you have a child together even if you come apart. Doubt and fear undermine peace and calmness. Eternal confusion is debilitating. Read the article I just posted on this blog-site regarding the Law of Attraction because parts of it are relevant to you and your persistent doubts. With my best wishes. . I am concerned for the long term about the differences in goals and values you describe. You need to be clear with yourself whether it is all right with you to be the principle breadwinner and to earn most of your family income while you are simultaneously raising your child? That is a lot for you to take on and you could well end up feeling resentment when Tony is taking it easy. Differences in goals and values do not go away and usually become more burdensome to a relationship over time.
If you are not married I recommend you have Tony sign a legal contract that commits him to a level of child support when you do have a child. Too many men disappear from the family when the responsibilities of raising a child confront them.
You will not repeat your mother’s mistakes because you are so aware of them, but you will make other mistakes you don’t foresee. We all do. The challenge is to see them sooner rather than later and take on changing the mindsets that cause them. My book can be helpful to you with this process.
Do not try to change your partner–it doesn’t work. Change yourself and you will change your marriage/relationship but make sure first that you are willing to live with your differences with Tony for a lifetime because you will live with them once you have a child together even if you come apart.
Doubt and fear undermine peace and calmness. Eternal confusion is debilitating. Read the article I just posted on this blog-site regarding the Law of Attraction because parts of it are relevant to you and your persistent doubts.
With my best wishes.
.

]]> By: Clare http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-581 Clare Tue, 13 Mar 2012 20:44:37 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-581 In every relationship I always question and feel uncertain about whether the relationship is "right" for me. Most people and indeed most articles I have read would say if you are feeling that way, it indicates it ISN'T right for you. Yet I wonder, whether my doubt or scrutinisation comes from my unsettled childhood and fear of repeating the mistakes in relationships my mother made, as I question every relationship i am in and indeed most aspects of my life and feel it isn't necessarily a comment on the person/relationship to consider whether something might be right or not. My partner and I are thinking about having children soon and as that would indicate, I love him very much. I think, since deciding more seriously, about trying for children I have started to worry and scrutinise our relationship and whether we are "right" for each other. Tony and I are very different people and we have had to work through a lot and at times I question if we are just too "different". We have most common shared interests, he makes me laugh and we are very loving towards each other. We have had major arguments and even seperated for a short while-but following this i do feel that he made extra effort and so did I, to take on board what the other was saying to make things work. However- Our long term goals and values are quite different and at times this concerns me and adds to my questioning of this relationshop being "right" or not. I want to develop in my career and earn a fairly decent amount of money-Tony is supportive of this, but content with his lot...I find Tony interesting but at times not always inspiring as he doesn't like to push himself and I admire people that do. Friends relationships seem to "match" or "flow" more than ours does...and i continue to worry! when is something right and when is something not?!!!!!! Eternally confused... In every relationship I always question and feel uncertain about whether the relationship is “right” for me. Most people and indeed most articles I have read would say if you are feeling that way, it indicates it ISN’T right for you. Yet I wonder, whether my doubt or scrutinisation comes from my unsettled childhood and fear of repeating the mistakes in relationships my mother made, as I question every relationship i am in and indeed most aspects of my life and feel it isn’t necessarily a comment on the person/relationship to consider whether something might be right or not.

My partner and I are thinking about having children soon and as that would indicate, I love him very much. I think, since deciding more seriously, about trying for children I have started to worry and scrutinise our relationship and whether we are “right” for each other.
Tony and I are very different people and we have had to work through a lot and at times I question if we are just too “different”. We have most common shared interests, he makes me laugh and we are very loving towards each other. We have had major arguments and even seperated for a short while-but following this i do feel that he made extra effort and so did I, to take on board what the other was saying to make things work.
However- Our long term goals and values are quite different and at times this concerns me and adds to my questioning of this relationshop being “right” or not. I want to develop in my career and earn a fairly decent amount of money-Tony is supportive of this, but content with his lot…I find Tony interesting but at times not always inspiring as he doesn’t like to push himself and I admire people that do. Friends relationships seem to “match” or “flow” more than ours does…and i continue to worry! when is something right and when is something not?!!!!!! Eternally confused…

]]> By: drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-522 drwelpton Sat, 15 Oct 2011 22:20:22 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-522 I apologize I just saw your letter for the first time today. My answer may not apply to where you are now. But the first thing I can tell you is you have no foundation for a committed intimate relationship until you have trust. Without trust you cannot get anywhere. You first need to set aside time for talking regularly to see whether you can develop trust for each other. I would advise you to stop your sexual relationship until you can trust your partner. To talk without blaming each other is the only way you will develop more trust. Set the rule that you will talk without blaming, without complaining, and without justifying yourselves and see how that goes. I apologize I just saw your letter for the first time today. My answer may not apply to where you are now. But the first thing I can tell you is you have no foundation for a committed intimate relationship until you have trust. Without trust you cannot get anywhere. You first need to set aside time for talking regularly to see whether you can develop trust for each other. I would advise you to stop your sexual relationship until you can trust your partner. To talk without blaming each other is the only way you will develop more trust. Set the rule that you will talk without blaming, without complaining, and without justifying yourselves and see how that goes.

]]> By: Anna http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-509 Anna Mon, 18 Apr 2011 02:35:02 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-509 Dr. Welpton, I met this man at my first real job,he ended up being the general manager. My mother had gotten me this job and the first day I pull in, I see smokers around the building, after all this was a career at the fast food restraunt. Anyways, this man proceeded to send me text msgs and in my eyes flirt with me. I had just gotten out of a relationship and was vulnerable. Come to find out he has texted some other females as well, but not like he had me. He was married. At first my thinking was okay this man is around 12 years older then I, although I am still legal, and he can allow me to make more money and give me more hours, not to mention buy me alcohol. Soon I became attached to this man. I never had become instantely attached to anyone, but for some reason this man I did. We had alot in common, and I will even say he was not the most handsome man I have ever seen but something about him just drew me near. He divorced his wife, this was his second divorce he had been through, and we began to see each other more often and date. Basically we fell in love. I am in college and was raised in a very nice well to do household with many morals, and he chose the army. He now is in the reserves, and jobless. When I had met him he was one of the nicest men I have ever came across, and cared for everyone, now he has changed. We have shared some great memories, and great times, and many bad times as well. Although I will admit to ruining much of the first part of our relationship but I finally realized that and changed completely to being a very nice person. Now, we argue constantly. I have very little trust in him for past females who has texted him or contacted him via email or facebook. He has tried to hide it from me, and erases his texts so I cannot read them. He claims he only deletes them because he had "a convo with a male friend that his male friend wanted him to promise he would not show anyone." I can respect that IF he didn't tell me the same thing a few days prior to that, and he ended up telling me the whole story. So he already told me what was going on, and then he says he doesn't want it in his phone incase I read it? The thing is, if it was a male, a male I actually knew, I woudl have no intrest reading it anyways, I am not a stalker who checks his p hone, in fact I never had. He ALWAYS told me I could check it whenever I wanted, for months he told me that, I never did. FINALLY, I decide to and notice he deleted everything, of course I can look whenever because he deletes everything. Everytime something like this or something I feel damages our relationship comes up, I want to mention it, half the time I hold back, the other half, I try to tell him "look this hurts me, don't you see I feel like I can't trust you" and he still takes defense and immediately somehow places blame on me and tells me that I have done wrong, therefore he is allowed to do what he does. Then I say something along the lines of well your now admitting to doing wrong he says NO but you do wrong all the time. And therefore, in the end all that is accomplished is that I am now convinced I am some demon person who does bad all the time. He switches it up and it always is my fault. The thing is, he used to NEVER do this, and he claims he is "now sticking up for himself" and claims that I have bashed him for months "now he is taking up for himself" and all he is doing is being a complete liar about everything. I know we have been through rocky times, but I know how we began was very rocky, but the way we began and what we have been through is so abnormal and different, that it just feels so right. I truly love this man, but I feel like he is emotionally tearing me down, and verbally abusing me. Not to mention he has anger issues. He has punched a hole in the wall, punched an oven, kicked a door in, slammed doors in my face, thrown objects, but not once has he ever hit me. I do not know what to do, I do not know if it is worth it or not. I can not even speak to him because it causes more problems. Right now we mutually decided we do not work, and we are not speaking. Dr. Welpton,
I met this man at my first real job,he ended up being the general manager. My mother had gotten me this job and the first day I pull in, I see smokers around the building, after all this was a career at the fast food restraunt. Anyways, this man proceeded to send me text msgs and in my eyes flirt with me. I had just gotten out of a relationship and was vulnerable. Come to find out he has texted some other females as well, but not like he had me. He was married. At first my thinking was okay this man is around 12 years older then I, although I am still legal, and he can allow me to make more money and give me more hours, not to mention buy me alcohol. Soon I became attached to this man. I never had become instantely attached to anyone, but for some reason this man I did. We had alot in common, and I will even say he was not the most handsome man I have ever seen but something about him just drew me near. He divorced his wife, this was his second divorce he had been through, and we began to see each other more often and date. Basically we fell in love. I am in college and was raised in a very nice well to do household with many morals, and he chose the army. He now is in the reserves, and jobless. When I had met him he was one of the nicest men I have ever came across, and cared for everyone, now he has changed. We have shared some great memories, and great times, and many bad times as well. Although I will admit to ruining much of the first part of our relationship but I finally realized that and changed completely to being a very nice person. Now, we argue constantly. I have very little trust in him for past females who has texted him or contacted him via email or facebook. He has tried to hide it from me, and erases his texts so I cannot read them. He claims he only deletes them because he had “a convo with a male friend that his male friend wanted him to promise he would not show anyone.” I can respect that IF he didn’t tell me the same thing a few days prior to that, and he ended up telling me the whole story. So he already told me what was going on, and then he says he doesn’t want it in his phone incase I read it? The thing is, if it was a male, a male I actually knew, I woudl have no intrest reading it anyways, I am not a stalker who checks his p hone, in fact I never had. He ALWAYS told me I could check it whenever I wanted, for months he told me that, I never did. FINALLY, I decide to and notice he deleted everything, of course I can look whenever because he deletes everything. Everytime something like this or something I feel damages our relationship comes up, I want to mention it, half the time I hold back, the other half, I try to tell him “look this hurts me, don’t you see I feel like I can’t trust you” and he still takes defense and immediately somehow places blame on me and tells me that I have done wrong, therefore he is allowed to do what he does. Then I say something along the lines of well your now admitting to doing wrong he says NO but you do wrong all the time. And therefore, in the end all that is accomplished is that I am now convinced I am some demon person who does bad all the time. He switches it up and it always is my fault. The thing is, he used to NEVER do this, and he claims he is “now sticking up for himself” and claims that I have bashed him for months “now he is taking up for himself” and all he is doing is being a complete liar about everything. I know we have been through rocky times, but I know how we began was very rocky, but the way we began and what we have been through is so abnormal and different, that it just feels so right. I truly love this man, but I feel like he is emotionally tearing me down, and verbally abusing me. Not to mention he has anger issues. He has punched a hole in the wall, punched an oven, kicked a door in, slammed doors in my face, thrown objects, but not once has he ever hit me. I do not know what to do, I do not know if it is worth it or not. I can not even speak to him because it causes more problems. Right now we mutually decided we do not work, and we are not speaking.

]]> By: drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-137 drwelpton Tue, 07 Dec 2010 19:27:48 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-137 Hi Joleen, I am glad for you that you have been around the block enough, as you said, to know that relationships get more difficult following the thrill of falling in love. You are right, too, that there are and will be negatives in any relationship because no relationship or marriage is perfect. Being a "commitment-phobe" can result from having unrealistic expectations and expecting your relationship to be easy like in the movies. In fact it is our expectations that get us into difficulties. There is a wise observation which says: expectations are premeditated resentments. In my experience marriage raises our expectations of each other, which creates more conflicts with our spouses. The truth is that it is the incompatibilities in our relationships that ask us to grow and give us that opportunity. Marriage, as I see it, is a spiritual journey in which two people bring together different family traditions and rituals (like how to celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving), different mindsets (your worldview or beliefs or values like how you raise children or deal with money), and promote growth in each other to work out these conflicts. It is not unusual for one of you to be the talker and the other the listener. If you listen to your partner with an open mind using empathy rather than judgment, you will usually get him to talk more--especially when you tell him you appreciate understanding his point of view even when you don't agree with it. Having your partner come from another country can bring more differences into your relationship based on your different backgrounds. Tell him that you need to dialogue when you have differences because it won't help to stop talking about them or sweep them under the rug. Insist on talking when you have a conflict and take turns who starts. Use my free ebook on how to have a Connecting Conversation about difficult subjects like money or sex. The process is the same no matter what issue you are discussing. Since you love spending time together and enjoy many of the same things, and especially since he is your best friend, I encourage you to take the risk of making the trip. You will give yourself an unusual opportunity to learn many things in a different country with the opportunity to teach there. It means a lot that he treats you well and you have fun together. Time will give you the chance to find out whether your connection can go deeper. Intimacy comes through sharing more with each other and requires that you both make yourselves more vulnerable. You can phone me at 727-442-9098 or email me at <dougwelpton@hotmail.com> if you want a consultation. Hi Joleen,
I am glad for you that you have been around the block enough, as you said, to know that relationships get more difficult following the thrill of falling in love. You are right, too, that there are and will be negatives in any relationship because no relationship or marriage is perfect. Being a “commitment-phobe” can result from having unrealistic expectations and expecting your relationship to be easy like in the movies. In fact it is our expectations that get us into difficulties. There is a wise observation which says: expectations are premeditated resentments. In my experience marriage raises our expectations of each other, which creates more conflicts with our spouses.
The truth is that it is the incompatibilities in our relationships that ask us to grow and give us that opportunity. Marriage, as I see it, is a spiritual journey in which two people bring together different family traditions and rituals (like how to celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving), different mindsets (your worldview or beliefs or values like how you raise children or deal with money), and promote growth in each other to work out these conflicts. It is not unusual for one of you to be the talker and the other the listener. If you listen to your partner with an open mind using empathy rather than judgment, you will usually get him to talk more–especially when you tell him you appreciate understanding his point of view even when you don’t agree with it.
Having your partner come from another country can bring more differences into your relationship based on your different backgrounds. Tell him that you need to dialogue when you have differences because it won’t help to stop talking about them or sweep them under the rug. Insist on talking when you have a conflict and take turns who starts. Use my free ebook on how to have a Connecting Conversation about difficult subjects like money or sex. The process is the same no matter what issue you are discussing.
Since you love spending time together and enjoy many of the same things, and especially since he is your best friend, I encourage you to take the risk of making the trip. You will give yourself an unusual opportunity to learn many things in a different country with the opportunity to teach there. It means a lot that he treats you well and you have fun together. Time will give you the chance to find out whether your connection can go deeper. Intimacy comes through sharing more with each other and requires that you both make yourselves more vulnerable. You can phone me at 727-442-9098 or email me at if you want a consultation.

]]> By: Joleen http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-136 Joleen Tue, 07 Dec 2010 02:44:42 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-136 Hi, I am 24, dating a boy of the same age....but he is European. I am from America, so we are in a long distance relationship. We were together the whole summer, and I spent about a month over there this fall....now we are back to video chatting. I have a chance to teach over there beginning in January, but I am hesitant to take the job because I am not 100% sure about the relationship. On paper, we are great together, enjoy the same things, we dont get sick of eachother, we love spending time together, and he's my best friend--we are always laughing together. These are the positives....The negatives are that our relationship will continue to be complicated however long this lasts. We've only been together 5 months, but I've been around the block enough to know that this is the easy part and it only gets harder. I may be a bit of a commitment-phobe as it is, but I worry if we are right for eachother...I know nothing can be perfect, but when we fight he completely shuts me out, and I like to talk and get over it asap....This is not that bad,as we don't fight that much, but it's annoying none the less. Also as much as we like to do activities together, all the things that make me who I am--the books, movies and music I like ( I am a pretty artsy person and heavy into these things), he doesn't really appreciate the same things I do. I guess I always pictured myself with someone who could share my love of quirky movies and different music..... So the question is, do I forfeit this image in my head that I've had forever (I've never had luck finding the WHOLE package) or do I truck on in this long distance relationship with a guy who treats me well and I have a lot of fun with? I just feel like I'm missing that deeper connection with him is what it comes down to....any thoughts are much appreciated. Hi,

I am 24, dating a boy of the same age….but he is European. I am from America, so we are in a long distance relationship. We were together the whole summer, and I spent about a month over there this fall….now we are back to video chatting. I have a chance to teach over there beginning in January, but I am hesitant to take the job because I am not 100% sure about the relationship.

On paper, we are great together, enjoy the same things, we dont get sick of eachother, we love spending time together, and he’s my best friend–we are always laughing together. These are the positives….The negatives are that our relationship will continue to be complicated however long this lasts. We’ve only been together 5 months, but I’ve been around the block enough to know that this is the easy part and it only gets harder. I may be a bit of a commitment-phobe as it is, but I worry if we are right for eachother…I know nothing can be perfect, but when we fight he completely shuts me out, and I like to talk and get over it asap….This is not that bad,as we don’t fight that much, but it’s annoying none the less. Also as much as we like to do activities together, all the things that make me who I am–the books, movies and music I like ( I am a pretty artsy person and heavy into these things), he doesn’t really appreciate the same things I do. I guess I always pictured myself with someone who could share my love of quirky movies and different music…..

So the question is, do I forfeit this image in my head that I’ve had forever (I’ve never had luck finding the WHOLE package) or do I truck on in this long distance relationship with a guy who treats me well and I have a lot of fun with? I just feel like I’m missing that deeper connection with him is what it comes down to….any thoughts are much appreciated.

]]> By: drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-134 drwelpton Mon, 25 Oct 2010 18:34:16 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-134 Your conflicts with your partner are not unusual as a distancer and a pursuer: you cling and he pushes away. You fear abandonment and he fears being smothered. Identifying this "dance" can help you see it when it runs your relationship. He is the minimizer and you the maximizer; he makes mountains into molehills and you do just the opposite. The most important first step you can take is to learn to esteem and value yourself by telling yourself "I am enough and I matter. I love and approve of myself. God (or whatever you call your higher power) loves and approves of me unconditionally." You need to grow less clinging by becoming more dependent on yourself. The introduction and first chapter of my book tell you how to do this: www.attractloveintimacymoney.com. Sarcasm is serious because it attacks your self-esteem. Sarcasm comes from a Greek word that means "to tear flesh." Insist that he stop shaming you with sarcasm if he wants to improve your relationship. If he can't stop, you need to think twice about a long term relationship that shames and abuses you. When you are working to build up your self-respect do you want to be with a partner who tears it down? My best wishes. Your conflicts with your partner are not unusual as a distancer and a pursuer: you cling and he pushes away.
You fear abandonment and he fears being smothered. Identifying this “dance” can help you see it when it runs your relationship.
He is the minimizer and you the maximizer; he makes mountains into molehills and you do just the opposite.
The most important first step you can take is to learn to esteem and value yourself by telling yourself “I am enough and I matter. I love and approve of myself. God (or whatever you call your higher power) loves and approves of me unconditionally.”
You need to grow less clinging by becoming more dependent on yourself. The introduction and first chapter of my book tell you how to do this: http://www.attractloveintimacymoney.com. Sarcasm is serious because it attacks your self-esteem. Sarcasm comes from a Greek word that means “to tear flesh.” Insist that he stop shaming you with sarcasm if he wants to improve your relationship. If he can’t stop, you need to think twice about a long term relationship that shames and abuses you.
When you are working to build up your self-respect do you want to be with a partner who tears it down?
My best wishes.

]]> By: Sam http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-133 Sam Mon, 25 Oct 2010 14:22:46 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-133 Hi Dr. Welpton, I am a 21 year old college student and I have been in a relationship with a 31 year old man for about a year. I care about him very much but it seems like we are encountering the same obstacles again and again without overcoming them: I am too clingy for him, he is too cold and distant for me. He gets very upset if I try to talk about misunderstandings, and often feels that I am blaming him for something. He doesn't seem to have very much patience with me, and is easily angered. He has even gotten angry with me over what I consider to be demonstrations of love and assistance. He is terrible at communicating his feelings and would rather stew when he feels I've wronged him than talk to me about it. When I try to talk to him about our relationship, he gets very defensive and acts as if I am making molehills into mountains. I do believe that part of the problem comes from my low self esteem - I need his constant approval and affection, and when there is a lapse, I get very sad. But his temper and constant sarcasm (which he insists is not serious, but because of my sensitivity it hurts) exacerbate the problem. Thank you for your time. Hi Dr. Welpton,

I am a 21 year old college student and I have been in a relationship with a 31 year old man for about a year. I care about him very much but it seems like we are encountering the same obstacles again and again without overcoming them: I am too clingy for him, he is too cold and distant for me. He gets very upset if I try to talk about misunderstandings, and often feels that I am blaming him for something. He doesn’t seem to have very much patience with me, and is easily angered. He has even gotten angry with me over what I consider to be demonstrations of love and assistance. He is terrible at communicating his feelings and would rather stew when he feels I’ve wronged him than talk to me about it. When I try to talk to him about our relationship, he gets very defensive and acts as if I am making molehills into mountains. I do believe that part of the problem comes from my low self esteem – I need his constant approval and affection, and when there is a lapse, I get very sad. But his temper and constant sarcasm (which he insists is not serious, but because of my sensitivity it hurts) exacerbate the problem. Thank you for your time.

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