Comments on: Am I in the Right Relationship http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/ From Dr. Doug Welpton Mon, 09 Jan 2012 23:58:46 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-522 drwelpton Sat, 15 Oct 2011 22:20:22 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-522 I apologize I just saw your letter for the first time today. My answer may not apply to where you are now. But the first thing I can tell you is you have no foundation for a committed intimate relationship until you have trust. Without trust you cannot get anywhere. You first need to set aside time for talking regularly to see whether you can develop trust for each other. I would advise you to stop your sexual relationship until you can trust your partner. To talk without blaming each other is the only way you will develop more trust. Set the rule that you will talk without blaming, without complaining, and without justifying yourselves and see how that goes. I apologize I just saw your letter for the first time today. My answer may not apply to where you are now. But the first thing I can tell you is you have no foundation for a committed intimate relationship until you have trust. Without trust you cannot get anywhere. You first need to set aside time for talking regularly to see whether you can develop trust for each other. I would advise you to stop your sexual relationship until you can trust your partner. To talk without blaming each other is the only way you will develop more trust. Set the rule that you will talk without blaming, without complaining, and without justifying yourselves and see how that goes.

]]> By: Anna http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-509 Anna Mon, 18 Apr 2011 02:35:02 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-509 Dr. Welpton, I met this man at my first real job,he ended up being the general manager. My mother had gotten me this job and the first day I pull in, I see smokers around the building, after all this was a career at the fast food restraunt. Anyways, this man proceeded to send me text msgs and in my eyes flirt with me. I had just gotten out of a relationship and was vulnerable. Come to find out he has texted some other females as well, but not like he had me. He was married. At first my thinking was okay this man is around 12 years older then I, although I am still legal, and he can allow me to make more money and give me more hours, not to mention buy me alcohol. Soon I became attached to this man. I never had become instantely attached to anyone, but for some reason this man I did. We had alot in common, and I will even say he was not the most handsome man I have ever seen but something about him just drew me near. He divorced his wife, this was his second divorce he had been through, and we began to see each other more often and date. Basically we fell in love. I am in college and was raised in a very nice well to do household with many morals, and he chose the army. He now is in the reserves, and jobless. When I had met him he was one of the nicest men I have ever came across, and cared for everyone, now he has changed. We have shared some great memories, and great times, and many bad times as well. Although I will admit to ruining much of the first part of our relationship but I finally realized that and changed completely to being a very nice person. Now, we argue constantly. I have very little trust in him for past females who has texted him or contacted him via email or facebook. He has tried to hide it from me, and erases his texts so I cannot read them. He claims he only deletes them because he had "a convo with a male friend that his male friend wanted him to promise he would not show anyone." I can respect that IF he didn't tell me the same thing a few days prior to that, and he ended up telling me the whole story. So he already told me what was going on, and then he says he doesn't want it in his phone incase I read it? The thing is, if it was a male, a male I actually knew, I woudl have no intrest reading it anyways, I am not a stalker who checks his p hone, in fact I never had. He ALWAYS told me I could check it whenever I wanted, for months he told me that, I never did. FINALLY, I decide to and notice he deleted everything, of course I can look whenever because he deletes everything. Everytime something like this or something I feel damages our relationship comes up, I want to mention it, half the time I hold back, the other half, I try to tell him "look this hurts me, don't you see I feel like I can't trust you" and he still takes defense and immediately somehow places blame on me and tells me that I have done wrong, therefore he is allowed to do what he does. Then I say something along the lines of well your now admitting to doing wrong he says NO but you do wrong all the time. And therefore, in the end all that is accomplished is that I am now convinced I am some demon person who does bad all the time. He switches it up and it always is my fault. The thing is, he used to NEVER do this, and he claims he is "now sticking up for himself" and claims that I have bashed him for months "now he is taking up for himself" and all he is doing is being a complete liar about everything. I know we have been through rocky times, but I know how we began was very rocky, but the way we began and what we have been through is so abnormal and different, that it just feels so right. I truly love this man, but I feel like he is emotionally tearing me down, and verbally abusing me. Not to mention he has anger issues. He has punched a hole in the wall, punched an oven, kicked a door in, slammed doors in my face, thrown objects, but not once has he ever hit me. I do not know what to do, I do not know if it is worth it or not. I can not even speak to him because it causes more problems. Right now we mutually decided we do not work, and we are not speaking. Dr. Welpton,
I met this man at my first real job,he ended up being the general manager. My mother had gotten me this job and the first day I pull in, I see smokers around the building, after all this was a career at the fast food restraunt. Anyways, this man proceeded to send me text msgs and in my eyes flirt with me. I had just gotten out of a relationship and was vulnerable. Come to find out he has texted some other females as well, but not like he had me. He was married. At first my thinking was okay this man is around 12 years older then I, although I am still legal, and he can allow me to make more money and give me more hours, not to mention buy me alcohol. Soon I became attached to this man. I never had become instantely attached to anyone, but for some reason this man I did. We had alot in common, and I will even say he was not the most handsome man I have ever seen but something about him just drew me near. He divorced his wife, this was his second divorce he had been through, and we began to see each other more often and date. Basically we fell in love. I am in college and was raised in a very nice well to do household with many morals, and he chose the army. He now is in the reserves, and jobless. When I had met him he was one of the nicest men I have ever came across, and cared for everyone, now he has changed. We have shared some great memories, and great times, and many bad times as well. Although I will admit to ruining much of the first part of our relationship but I finally realized that and changed completely to being a very nice person. Now, we argue constantly. I have very little trust in him for past females who has texted him or contacted him via email or facebook. He has tried to hide it from me, and erases his texts so I cannot read them. He claims he only deletes them because he had “a convo with a male friend that his male friend wanted him to promise he would not show anyone.” I can respect that IF he didn’t tell me the same thing a few days prior to that, and he ended up telling me the whole story. So he already told me what was going on, and then he says he doesn’t want it in his phone incase I read it? The thing is, if it was a male, a male I actually knew, I woudl have no intrest reading it anyways, I am not a stalker who checks his p hone, in fact I never had. He ALWAYS told me I could check it whenever I wanted, for months he told me that, I never did. FINALLY, I decide to and notice he deleted everything, of course I can look whenever because he deletes everything. Everytime something like this or something I feel damages our relationship comes up, I want to mention it, half the time I hold back, the other half, I try to tell him “look this hurts me, don’t you see I feel like I can’t trust you” and he still takes defense and immediately somehow places blame on me and tells me that I have done wrong, therefore he is allowed to do what he does. Then I say something along the lines of well your now admitting to doing wrong he says NO but you do wrong all the time. And therefore, in the end all that is accomplished is that I am now convinced I am some demon person who does bad all the time. He switches it up and it always is my fault. The thing is, he used to NEVER do this, and he claims he is “now sticking up for himself” and claims that I have bashed him for months “now he is taking up for himself” and all he is doing is being a complete liar about everything. I know we have been through rocky times, but I know how we began was very rocky, but the way we began and what we have been through is so abnormal and different, that it just feels so right. I truly love this man, but I feel like he is emotionally tearing me down, and verbally abusing me. Not to mention he has anger issues. He has punched a hole in the wall, punched an oven, kicked a door in, slammed doors in my face, thrown objects, but not once has he ever hit me. I do not know what to do, I do not know if it is worth it or not. I can not even speak to him because it causes more problems. Right now we mutually decided we do not work, and we are not speaking.

]]> By: drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-137 drwelpton Tue, 07 Dec 2010 19:27:48 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-137 Hi Joleen, I am glad for you that you have been around the block enough, as you said, to know that relationships get more difficult following the thrill of falling in love. You are right, too, that there are and will be negatives in any relationship because no relationship or marriage is perfect. Being a "commitment-phobe" can result from having unrealistic expectations and expecting your relationship to be easy like in the movies. In fact it is our expectations that get us into difficulties. There is a wise observation which says: expectations are premeditated resentments. In my experience marriage raises our expectations of each other, which creates more conflicts with our spouses. The truth is that it is the incompatibilities in our relationships that ask us to grow and give us that opportunity. Marriage, as I see it, is a spiritual journey in which two people bring together different family traditions and rituals (like how to celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving), different mindsets (your worldview or beliefs or values like how you raise children or deal with money), and promote growth in each other to work out these conflicts. It is not unusual for one of you to be the talker and the other the listener. If you listen to your partner with an open mind using empathy rather than judgment, you will usually get him to talk more--especially when you tell him you appreciate understanding his point of view even when you don't agree with it. Having your partner come from another country can bring more differences into your relationship based on your different backgrounds. Tell him that you need to dialogue when you have differences because it won't help to stop talking about them or sweep them under the rug. Insist on talking when you have a conflict and take turns who starts. Use my free ebook on how to have a Connecting Conversation about difficult subjects like money or sex. The process is the same no matter what issue you are discussing. Since you love spending time together and enjoy many of the same things, and especially since he is your best friend, I encourage you to take the risk of making the trip. You will give yourself an unusual opportunity to learn many things in a different country with the opportunity to teach there. It means a lot that he treats you well and you have fun together. Time will give you the chance to find out whether your connection can go deeper. Intimacy comes through sharing more with each other and requires that you both make yourselves more vulnerable. You can phone me at 727-442-9098 or email me at <dougwelpton@hotmail.com> if you want a consultation. Hi Joleen,
I am glad for you that you have been around the block enough, as you said, to know that relationships get more difficult following the thrill of falling in love. You are right, too, that there are and will be negatives in any relationship because no relationship or marriage is perfect. Being a “commitment-phobe” can result from having unrealistic expectations and expecting your relationship to be easy like in the movies. In fact it is our expectations that get us into difficulties. There is a wise observation which says: expectations are premeditated resentments. In my experience marriage raises our expectations of each other, which creates more conflicts with our spouses.
The truth is that it is the incompatibilities in our relationships that ask us to grow and give us that opportunity. Marriage, as I see it, is a spiritual journey in which two people bring together different family traditions and rituals (like how to celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving), different mindsets (your worldview or beliefs or values like how you raise children or deal with money), and promote growth in each other to work out these conflicts. It is not unusual for one of you to be the talker and the other the listener. If you listen to your partner with an open mind using empathy rather than judgment, you will usually get him to talk more–especially when you tell him you appreciate understanding his point of view even when you don’t agree with it.
Having your partner come from another country can bring more differences into your relationship based on your different backgrounds. Tell him that you need to dialogue when you have differences because it won’t help to stop talking about them or sweep them under the rug. Insist on talking when you have a conflict and take turns who starts. Use my free ebook on how to have a Connecting Conversation about difficult subjects like money or sex. The process is the same no matter what issue you are discussing.
Since you love spending time together and enjoy many of the same things, and especially since he is your best friend, I encourage you to take the risk of making the trip. You will give yourself an unusual opportunity to learn many things in a different country with the opportunity to teach there. It means a lot that he treats you well and you have fun together. Time will give you the chance to find out whether your connection can go deeper. Intimacy comes through sharing more with each other and requires that you both make yourselves more vulnerable. You can phone me at 727-442-9098 or email me at if you want a consultation.

]]> By: Joleen http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-136 Joleen Tue, 07 Dec 2010 02:44:42 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-136 Hi, I am 24, dating a boy of the same age....but he is European. I am from America, so we are in a long distance relationship. We were together the whole summer, and I spent about a month over there this fall....now we are back to video chatting. I have a chance to teach over there beginning in January, but I am hesitant to take the job because I am not 100% sure about the relationship. On paper, we are great together, enjoy the same things, we dont get sick of eachother, we love spending time together, and he's my best friend--we are always laughing together. These are the positives....The negatives are that our relationship will continue to be complicated however long this lasts. We've only been together 5 months, but I've been around the block enough to know that this is the easy part and it only gets harder. I may be a bit of a commitment-phobe as it is, but I worry if we are right for eachother...I know nothing can be perfect, but when we fight he completely shuts me out, and I like to talk and get over it asap....This is not that bad,as we don't fight that much, but it's annoying none the less. Also as much as we like to do activities together, all the things that make me who I am--the books, movies and music I like ( I am a pretty artsy person and heavy into these things), he doesn't really appreciate the same things I do. I guess I always pictured myself with someone who could share my love of quirky movies and different music..... So the question is, do I forfeit this image in my head that I've had forever (I've never had luck finding the WHOLE package) or do I truck on in this long distance relationship with a guy who treats me well and I have a lot of fun with? I just feel like I'm missing that deeper connection with him is what it comes down to....any thoughts are much appreciated. Hi,

I am 24, dating a boy of the same age….but he is European. I am from America, so we are in a long distance relationship. We were together the whole summer, and I spent about a month over there this fall….now we are back to video chatting. I have a chance to teach over there beginning in January, but I am hesitant to take the job because I am not 100% sure about the relationship.

On paper, we are great together, enjoy the same things, we dont get sick of eachother, we love spending time together, and he’s my best friend–we are always laughing together. These are the positives….The negatives are that our relationship will continue to be complicated however long this lasts. We’ve only been together 5 months, but I’ve been around the block enough to know that this is the easy part and it only gets harder. I may be a bit of a commitment-phobe as it is, but I worry if we are right for eachother…I know nothing can be perfect, but when we fight he completely shuts me out, and I like to talk and get over it asap….This is not that bad,as we don’t fight that much, but it’s annoying none the less. Also as much as we like to do activities together, all the things that make me who I am–the books, movies and music I like ( I am a pretty artsy person and heavy into these things), he doesn’t really appreciate the same things I do. I guess I always pictured myself with someone who could share my love of quirky movies and different music…..

So the question is, do I forfeit this image in my head that I’ve had forever (I’ve never had luck finding the WHOLE package) or do I truck on in this long distance relationship with a guy who treats me well and I have a lot of fun with? I just feel like I’m missing that deeper connection with him is what it comes down to….any thoughts are much appreciated.

]]> By: drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-134 drwelpton Mon, 25 Oct 2010 18:34:16 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-134 Your conflicts with your partner are not unusual as a distancer and a pursuer: you cling and he pushes away. You fear abandonment and he fears being smothered. Identifying this "dance" can help you see it when it runs your relationship. He is the minimizer and you the maximizer; he makes mountains into molehills and you do just the opposite. The most important first step you can take is to learn to esteem and value yourself by telling yourself "I am enough and I matter. I love and approve of myself. God (or whatever you call your higher power) loves and approves of me unconditionally." You need to grow less clinging by becoming more dependent on yourself. The introduction and first chapter of my book tell you how to do this: www.attractloveintimacymoney.com. Sarcasm is serious because it attacks your self-esteem. Sarcasm comes from a Greek word that means "to tear flesh." Insist that he stop shaming you with sarcasm if he wants to improve your relationship. If he can't stop, you need to think twice about a long term relationship that shames and abuses you. When you are working to build up your self-respect do you want to be with a partner who tears it down? My best wishes. Your conflicts with your partner are not unusual as a distancer and a pursuer: you cling and he pushes away.
You fear abandonment and he fears being smothered. Identifying this “dance” can help you see it when it runs your relationship.
He is the minimizer and you the maximizer; he makes mountains into molehills and you do just the opposite.
The most important first step you can take is to learn to esteem and value yourself by telling yourself “I am enough and I matter. I love and approve of myself. God (or whatever you call your higher power) loves and approves of me unconditionally.”
You need to grow less clinging by becoming more dependent on yourself. The introduction and first chapter of my book tell you how to do this: http://www.attractloveintimacymoney.com. Sarcasm is serious because it attacks your self-esteem. Sarcasm comes from a Greek word that means “to tear flesh.” Insist that he stop shaming you with sarcasm if he wants to improve your relationship. If he can’t stop, you need to think twice about a long term relationship that shames and abuses you.
When you are working to build up your self-respect do you want to be with a partner who tears it down?
My best wishes.

]]> By: Sam http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-133 Sam Mon, 25 Oct 2010 14:22:46 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-133 Hi Dr. Welpton, I am a 21 year old college student and I have been in a relationship with a 31 year old man for about a year. I care about him very much but it seems like we are encountering the same obstacles again and again without overcoming them: I am too clingy for him, he is too cold and distant for me. He gets very upset if I try to talk about misunderstandings, and often feels that I am blaming him for something. He doesn't seem to have very much patience with me, and is easily angered. He has even gotten angry with me over what I consider to be demonstrations of love and assistance. He is terrible at communicating his feelings and would rather stew when he feels I've wronged him than talk to me about it. When I try to talk to him about our relationship, he gets very defensive and acts as if I am making molehills into mountains. I do believe that part of the problem comes from my low self esteem - I need his constant approval and affection, and when there is a lapse, I get very sad. But his temper and constant sarcasm (which he insists is not serious, but because of my sensitivity it hurts) exacerbate the problem. Thank you for your time. Hi Dr. Welpton,

I am a 21 year old college student and I have been in a relationship with a 31 year old man for about a year. I care about him very much but it seems like we are encountering the same obstacles again and again without overcoming them: I am too clingy for him, he is too cold and distant for me. He gets very upset if I try to talk about misunderstandings, and often feels that I am blaming him for something. He doesn’t seem to have very much patience with me, and is easily angered. He has even gotten angry with me over what I consider to be demonstrations of love and assistance. He is terrible at communicating his feelings and would rather stew when he feels I’ve wronged him than talk to me about it. When I try to talk to him about our relationship, he gets very defensive and acts as if I am making molehills into mountains. I do believe that part of the problem comes from my low self esteem – I need his constant approval and affection, and when there is a lapse, I get very sad. But his temper and constant sarcasm (which he insists is not serious, but because of my sensitivity it hurts) exacerbate the problem. Thank you for your time.

]]> By: drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-127 drwelpton Wed, 29 Sep 2010 01:50:54 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-127 Hi Leanne, It is important for you to take the time you need to make the very important decision whether this man is the right man for you. It sounds like your mother's concerns about him as a partner make sense to you. The fact that your father recently passed is another reason to take your time. It is best not to make important decisions when you have just lost one of your parents and need time to grieve. I do not know what caused you and your partner to separate but there were reasons. You need to ask yourself whether anything has changed about those reasons to make you not separate again in the future. You do not mention the specifics but make clear he has bad habits and problems with his responsibilities. Be careful with the loss of your father and the consequent change in your family that you do not react by jumping into a commitment. Remember the old saying: "Marry in haste, repent in leisure." My best wishes to you. Hi Leanne,
It is important for you to take the time you need to make the very important decision whether this man is the right man for you. It sounds like your mother’s concerns about him as a partner make sense to you.
The fact that your father recently passed is another reason to take your time. It is best not to make important decisions when you have just lost one of your parents and need time to grieve.
I do not know what caused you and your partner to separate but there were reasons. You need to ask yourself whether anything has changed about those reasons to make you not separate again in the future. You do not mention the specifics but make clear he has bad habits and problems with his responsibilities. Be careful with the loss of your father and the consequent change in your family that you do not react by jumping into a commitment. Remember the old saying: “Marry in haste, repent in leisure.” My best wishes to you.

]]> By: Leanne http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-126 Leanne Tue, 28 Sep 2010 23:48:07 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-126 Hi Dr Welpton. I am a 25 year old female, and have been dating my ex partner for about 6 years and have known eachother for as long as 8 years. As he is 11years older than me i sometimes think about is this right for me. My mother has always thought if certian aspects about him were better, which curently still are not has made a big influence on my mixed feelings. I consider him to be my best friend in life and no matter how i feel or where i am he will always be there for me. As we have been seperated for just shy of a year now i have had still close contact. He has a daughter of 14 now and needs to prioritise his responsibilities and stop bad habits. He is a very caring and beautiful person and i think most of the time he is so unsetteled is because i have been afraid to fully commit. He unconditionally loves me and i do love him. I just dont know if i am trying to make it work becuase of how much he loves me and wants us to work. Or i have just been holding back trying to gather my feelings about him are. My father recently passed and i hope i am going to make decisions for the right reasons.. Thank you for your time. Hi Dr Welpton.

I am a 25 year old female, and have been dating my ex partner for about 6 years and have known eachother for as long as 8 years. As he is 11years older than me i sometimes think about is this right for me. My mother has always thought if certian aspects about him were better, which curently still are not has made a big influence on my mixed feelings.

I consider him to be my best friend in life and no matter how i feel or where i am he will always be there for me.
As we have been seperated for just shy of a year now i have had still close contact. He has a daughter of 14 now and needs to prioritise his responsibilities and stop bad habits. He is a very caring and beautiful person and i think most of the time he is so unsetteled is because i have been afraid to fully commit.

He unconditionally loves me and i do love him. I just dont know if i am trying to make it work becuase of how much he loves me and wants us to work. Or i have just been holding back trying to gather my feelings about him are.
My father recently passed and i hope i am going to make decisions for the right reasons..
Thank you for your time.

]]> By: drwelpton http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-114 drwelpton Sun, 25 Jul 2010 15:28:12 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-114 Hi Steffy, No matter how much you and your fiance love each other your relationship will not go anywhere as long as he continues his addictions of alcohol and pot. Your self-esteem will continue to suffer as will your financial situation. You are not in a safe relationship right now to start a family. I strongly urge you to find Al-anon meetings near you by phoning Al-anon or AA. Begin attending meetings immediately. This can be difficult because of the shame, but you will quickly find everyone at the meeting shares similar problems and will offer you support. If you don't like the first meeting you attend try other Al-anon meeting until you find ones where you feel like you fit. Sometimes it takes as many as 6 different meetings. At the meetings find a sponsor as soon as possible--someone who has experience with addictions and can be available to you by phone on a daily basis to support you. Your fiance needs AA and possibly NA (narcotics) to stop his addictions. Your sponsor and your Al-anon meetings will give you guidance about this. Your first task is to help yourself. You cannot change anyone but yourself. Changing yourself is the best thing you can do for your relationship. When you take responsibility to change yourself you will feel better about yourself. Have courage and do not let your fears stop you! Dr. Doug Hi Steffy,
No matter how much you and your fiance love each other your relationship will not go anywhere as long as he continues his addictions of alcohol and pot. Your self-esteem will continue to suffer as will your financial situation. You are not in a safe relationship right now to start a family.
I strongly urge you to find Al-anon meetings near you by phoning Al-anon or AA. Begin attending meetings immediately. This can be difficult because of the shame, but you will quickly find everyone at the meeting shares similar problems and will offer you support. If you don’t like the first meeting you attend try other Al-anon meeting until you find ones where you feel like you fit. Sometimes it takes as many as 6 different meetings. At the meetings find a sponsor as soon as possible–someone who has experience with addictions and can be available to you by phone on a daily basis to support you.
Your fiance needs AA and possibly NA (narcotics) to stop his addictions. Your sponsor and your Al-anon meetings will give you guidance about this.
Your first task is to help yourself. You cannot change anyone but yourself. Changing yourself is the best thing you can do for your relationship.
When you take responsibility to change yourself you will feel better about yourself.
Have courage and do not let your fears stop you!
Dr. Doug

]]> By: steffy http://adviceinloverelationship.com/the-right-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-113 steffy Sun, 25 Jul 2010 03:36:56 +0000 http://adviceinloverelationship.com/?p=37#comment-113 hi Dr. Welpton i've been in a relacionship for about 2 years already with my fiancee am a 23 year old an he is 35 ....i know the age is a big diffrence but in the first shot in our relacionship we hitted off great no problems whats so ever .... after two years losing a baby which i miscarried about 5 months ago i feel our relacionship is falling apart not due to the misscarriage but due to his lifestyle-- he is a heavy pot smoker an alcholic he spends all his hard earn money which i state like about 200 to 300 dollars a week smoking cannibis,,, which i dont find wrong but due to us living in a country thats illegal not to mention whats doing to him an our financial situation... he barely wants to have sex he wants to sleep instead of going out for a movie or drink-- he been really cold to me---- he's been threw alot dealing with his mom which he hasent seen for a year because of a huge fight they had , also because when i talk to him about how i feel an telling him whats going on with our relacionship ...he falls into this deep depression an starts drinking alcohol till he passes out so at times i dont say anything to him for that reason,,,, i really love him , but i feel like this is affecting me in a very hard way not to mention i've lost my self esteem an this hole situation has made me mentally ill -- please doc i need advice it will mean so much hi Dr. Welpton

i’ve been in a relacionship for about 2 years already with my fiancee
am a 23 year old an he is 35 ….i know the age is a big diffrence but in the first shot in our relacionship we hitted off great no problems whats so ever …. after two years losing a baby which i miscarried about 5 months ago i feel our relacionship is falling apart not due to the misscarriage but due to his lifestyle– he is a heavy pot smoker an alcholic he spends all his hard earn money which i state like about 200 to 300 dollars a week smoking cannibis,,, which i dont find wrong but due to us living in a country thats illegal not to mention whats doing to him an our financial situation… he barely wants to have sex he wants to sleep instead of going out for a movie or drink– he been really cold to me—- he’s been threw alot dealing with his mom which he hasent seen for a year because of a huge fight they had , also because when i talk to him about how i feel an telling him whats going on with our relacionship …he falls into this deep depression an starts drinking alcohol till he passes out so at times i dont say anything to him for that reason,,,,
i really love him , but i feel like this is affecting me in a very hard way not to mention i’ve lost my self esteem an this hole situation has made me mentally ill — please doc i need advice it will mean so much

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