Advice in Love Relationships

From Dr. Doug Welpton

What causes cheating or sexual infidelity?

16 January 2010 5 Comments

Cheating is a symptom that something is missing. Usually the unfaithful partner is feeling: 1) the loss of romance,sex,& excitement. It is easier to fall in love than to stay in love; 2) the lack of connection and communication including the difficulty discussing touchy subjects like money, sex, & in-laws causing emotional distance between partners; 3) wavering self-acceptance and self-esteem causing the unfaithful partner to seek approval, admiration, and esteem from other people. The unfaithful partner may feel superior or inferior to others, neither of which is reliable self-esteem. Affairs typically start through an emotional connection which leads to the sexual relationship.

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# 16 January 2010 at 9:08 pm

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# 17 January 2010 at 12:26 am

PaulaS said:

I think couples thinking about getting married need to go through therapy and learn these things before they’re ever allowed to get married.

# 17 January 2010 at 2:42 pm

drwelpton (author) said:

Paula,
Ideally we would have courses that educate us about relationships in high school and college to add to what we learn from our parents, whose marriage is the model we see, feel, and absorb all through growing up. However, I observe that all of us learn best from our own first hand experience. Unfortunately it is usually through disappointment, failure, and pain that we become motivated to open ourselves to getting help and learning what we need to learn. Thank you for your comment and your concern.

# 17 January 2010 at 7:34 pm

Betty Smorgas said:

For women infidelity is an act motivated by lack of satisfaction. Let’s face it, we women are much harder to satisfy between the sheets than men, who are satisfied with just a warm hole 99% of the time. We need a good lead up to the bedroom and once in bed is when it gets tricky. I could go on, but why give away all I know on this site?

# 18 January 2010 at 8:09 am