Advice in Love Relationships

Did you know that three out of every four couples argue or fight about money? Did you know that financial infidelity, or cheating with money by not revealing your debts or purchases, occurs in one-third of marriages? Nearly 40% of spouses told CESI Debt Solutions their marriages could dissolve if they revealed their spending habits to their partners.

Every marriage is a partnership. Each partner brings their own money history and beliefs to their marriage creating conflicts. Financial conflicts are a leading cause of divorce, yet conflicts also can help couples grow. By learning to have regular discussions of your finances you can help your marriage grow and prosper.

If you want answers, this CD will help you. Listen to Dr. Doug as he teaches:

• Twelve steps that will guide you through a successful discussion about your finances.
• Learn why financial infidelity can be more devastating than sexual infidelity.
• Learn from Bob’s story just how destructive cheating with money can be.
• Learn how to recognize financial infidelity and how to avoid it.
• The story of Sam and Sarah will show you how they learned to discuss their finances after 25 years. Money conflicts are not just about money.

In most marriages one spouse tends to be the saver while the other tends to be the spender. Did you know that trying to change your partner to be like you can doom your marriage? You will learn how your partner’s spending or saving can benefit your marriage. Appreciating your partner’s contributions will strengthen your marriage.

Learn how to build rewards into your discussions about money, making it a positive experience for you to talk about your finances. You give each other these rewards at the end of your conversation or soon thereafter. You do little things that your partner requests like a foot massage, a back rub, a walk holding hands, listening to a song together, whispering in their ear how you appreciate them, for example.

Once you listen to the CD you will be able to use these valuable marriage saving tools right away.

Duration: 1 hour, 20 minutes, 4 seconds
File Size: 76.86 MB

Did you know that most people at some point ask themselves whether their partner is the right person? At some point during marriage most spouses think about a divorce. Everyone searches for a perfect partner, yet no one is perfect or lives a perfect life.

Our expectations of our spouses cause many of our problems. Expectations have been called “premeditated resentments.” Marriage typically heightens our expectations. Do you realize that conflict in marriage is what engenders growth? Do you notice what differences and struggles with your spouse motivate you to change?

If you want answers, this CD will help you. Listen to Dr. Doug as he teaches:

• In attracting her ideal partner Tracy forgot to include and be specific about his looks. She got her ideal partner except his appearance stopped her flat.
• How listening to your body can tell you when a relationship is good for you.
• How you and your spouse may both value family but have different rules for showing it.
• How the pull between loyalty to your family and to your fiancé or your spouse can cause triangulation and divided loyalties.
• The rejection Anne felt when Kevin cancelled dates on short notice motivated her to grow. She became more self-reliant and consequently less angry. Feeling the tension between them diminish, Kevin proposed and they eloped.
• How men and woman have different expectations about your partner changing or staying the same.
• How finding your “Imago match” sets you up for conflict and growth. Did you know you will chose a partner who has many of the same characteristics as your mother, your father, or another important caretaker in your childhood?
• Do you know you have a choice about whether to take offense? About whether to take what your spouse says personally? About how important you make it?

In most marriages spouses fall into the blame game. Did you know that getting stuck in the blame game can destroy your marriage? You end up blaming your spouse or blaming yourself with negative results. You will learn how to recognize the blame game and how to avoid it.

Another common trap for most marriages is going through the “Victim Triangle” in the roles of a victim, an attacker, and an appeaser. Feeling hurt by your partner you attack back only to feel guilty. To compensate for your guilt you appease your partner, only to feel like a victim again when you feel unappreciated. You and your spouse go around the triangle again and again. You will learn how to transform yourself to stay out of this triangle and build the intimacy you want. Here is a secret: give what you want to get.

Once you listen to the CD you will be able to use these valuable relationship building tools right away.

Duration: 1 hour, 17 minutes, 48 seconds
File Size: 74.69 MB

Divorce frequently occurs when one or both spouses feel something is missing. That something we usually describe as love. The romantic love and intense desire that brings a couple together typically diminishes with time. Love becomes something less intense or exciting but more stable and grounded. Falling in love evolves into being in love. Love involves caring, including the experience of being interested in your partner. Divorce becomes an issue when the pain in a relationship is stronger than the pleasure.

Under the impetus to stop the pain and hurt spouses choose to divorce. Unless you have been previously divorced you may not consider the unintended consequences that are ramifications of a divorce. Having experienced a divorce more than 25 years ago I discuss these consequences to try to help anyone considering divorce make a more informed decision.

If you want answers, this CD will help you. Listen to Dr. Doug as he teaches:

• What kind of changes might help you save your marriage? Kerri tried to get Richard to stop drinking after his heart attack. It didn’t work. She considered divorce to relieve her pain. What worked was getting her life back.
• Can divorce free you from financial infidelity? It can free you from any new debts after your divorce. However, listen to the complications in Bob’s life as he considers divorce and its consequences. Being the child of a divorce he wants to not inflict that pain on his four children.
• Is it more challenging to raise your children after a divorce? Can you protect them from what you consider “bad” parenting by your ex-spouse?
• In a divorce what are the consequences for the time you have with your children, for celebrating holidays, for competing with your ex-spouse for the favor of your children, for your future relationship with your ex-spouses parents, siblings, and other family members?
• Do you lose your shared history with your ex-spouse like remembering the births of your children, significant events in their lives, memorable family experiences?
• Is it important that you not make critical remarks about your ex-spouse to your children?
• What can you expect when you remarry about integrating a new parent into the lives of your children? About triangulation with your children and their new step-parent? About the awkwardness of everyone being together at graduations and weddings? About integrating your new spouse’s children or new children you have into your reconstituted family?

Once you listen to the CD you will be able to use these valuable relationship observations to help make your decision and to be better prepared for addressing the consequences.

Duration: 53 minutes, 28 seconds
File Size: 51.33 MB

Arguments and fights arise from the need to be right. Everyone thinks he or she is right. We wouldn’t make the effort to state our opinion if we thought we were wrong. The problem is that we want to be right for our partner too. It is not enough to be right for ourselves. Being right is a source of power. Having right on your side is like having an army behind you.

When the argument or fight involves religion or political affiliations it can at times be wise to agree to disagree. It is alright for each partner to hold their own worldview and their own values.

It is important to be aware that marriages can also suffer from the avoidance of discussing conflicts for fear of arguments.

If you want answers, this CD will help you. Listen to Dr. Doug as he teaches:

• Do you know the fastest way to change your emotional state? To decrease your tension or fear or anger when you feel an argument is starting?
• Are you aware that it takes two people to have an argument? Can one person stop an argument?
• Do you know how to take the energy out of an argument rather than put more energy into it?
• Do you experience the difference between thinking energy and feeling energy in yourself? Which is the more intense energy: feeling or thinking?
• Do you know how to use active listening to paraphrase back your partner’s point of view until they tell you that you have understood them (Harville Hendrix calls this Mirroring as the first step in the Couples Dialogue).
• Have you experienced the change in an argument when your partner could tell that you were making the effort to understand completely their point of view?
• Can you contain yourself to wait until the next day to share your point of view on an issue after hearing your partner’s point of view?
• Have you learned to forgive yourself when you argue or fight? To forgive your partner too?
• How do you think your spouse will respond if you say to him or her following an argument or a fight: “There is nothing you can say or do that will stop me from loving you.”

Once you listen to the CD you will be able to use these valuable marriage saving tools right away.

Have you ever told your partner, “There is nothing you can say or do that will stop my loving you.” How would they respond? How would you?

Buy this recording to help you when you feel you are arguing or fighting too much.

Duration: 45 minutes, 39 seconds
File Size: 43.82 MB

Purchase all of the audios in Dr. Welpton's Audio Collection

• CD1: Financial Infidelity and Money
• CD2: Is my partner the right person for me?
• CD3: To Stay or Not to Stay: considerations before divorcing
• CD4: Stop Arguing for the Sake of Your Relationship