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Relationship Advice »

[26 Feb 2016 | No Comment | ]

A lively monkey and a quiet turtle fell deeply in love and married
Marcie Monkey respected her turtle for being calm, cool, and collected
Titus Turtle adored his monkey for her exuberance and excitement
In time, Marcie complained her turtle didn’t share his feelings
Titus prayed his talkative monkey would restrain herself
Both blamed their partner for the problems in their marriage
Marcie suggested Titus learn to dance and be more talkative
Titus chided Marcie for expressing her every feeling
He wanted to fix her “problem” of having strong emotions
Marcie wanted more sharing from her subdued turtle
Titus sought peace and …

Relationship Advice »

[13 Apr 2015 | No Comment | ]

 Part 3: Boundaries enable you to protect yourself and your partner physically, sexually, and emotionally when you talk
“We need to discuss boundaries,” I said. It was the start our next meeting. “How you establish and maintain them.”
“Boundaries sound like putting up fences,” Steve said.  “I thought we’re working to get closer?”
“It’s paradoxical,” I responded. “Robert Frost said it well: ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’”
“I think I’d feel safer with walls,” Carey said sarcastically. 
Steve rolled his eyes.  “Oh God, here we go again.”
 “Walls give you complete protection, but they disconnect you from …

Relationship Advice »

[29 Mar 2015 | No Comment | ]

Part 2: Pioneers Have to Invent a Successful Marriage Lacking a Model from their Parents
 
Our meetings continued.  Steve’s tone mellowed and he became less self-righteous.  Carey sat forward on the sofa and her tone became more assertive.  With joy she announced her new job. Her former boss now worked for a different company.  When she phoned him, he eagerly employed her.
“I feel appreciated again!” Her tone bubbled with excitement.
With new confidence, Carey spoke what she’d been holding in. “I hate your smoking pot,” she said to Steve.  “It’s not just …

Relationship Advice »

[19 Dec 2014 | 2 Comments | ]

 
Part 1: The Drama Triangle: Who’s the Victim and Who the Offender?
I met them in the waiting room where they were sitting on the yellow couch upholstered with lively red and blue flowers. They both smiled as we shook hands and walked through the hall into my two room office.  The hall and both rooms are painted in soft peach. The outer room has a salmon colored couch where I asked them to sit to fill out intake forms.  Having completed forms regarding their basic information and self-evaluation on stress, trauma, and alcohol use, I …

Relationship Advice »

[24 Apr 2014 | 2 Comments | ]

Jennifer phoned me.  She said her marriage was in serious trouble. She asked for an appointment with her husband as soon as possible.  I saw them later that day. 
I shook hands with Jennifer and Carl and motioned them toward the blue sofa in my office.  They sat down more than an arm’s length apart. Carl had intense blue eyes and a restrained smile. Jennifer was a beautician with large brown eyes and swept back auburn hair. Both were in their thirties.
“How can I help you?”
Carl sat back: “I …

Relationship Advice »

[18 Feb 2012 | No Comment | ]

You can change your life no matter how old you are by recognizing the mistaken beliefs (dysfunctional mindsets) that limit you and your relationships.
You have to replace those mistaken beliefs with truths (functional mindsets).
It is not enough to have these new ideas or truths in you thoughts. You must hold them in your heart.
Ernestine Hendricks, the hostess on WTWG 1050 AM, and I discuss examples from my life and from my work with clients.

Relationship Advice »

[26 Jan 2012 | No Comment | ]

If you want prosperity believe in your heart in the goal you want. Want for everyone what you want for yourself– wealth, a love relationship, better health or whatever you desire instead of buying into scarcity. Return more in service value than you are paid in cash value. When you do these things you will realize your goal and increase the prosperity of others.

Relationship Advice »

[8 Mar 2011 | No Comment | ]

Paul Moore and Kim Jones, co-hosts at WVVI, 93.5 FM, ,St. Croix, Virgin Islands discuss with me the challenges of marriage.
It is a challenge to change your dysfunctional mindsets like when you realize you believe a good marriage should not have conflicts or arguments. You avoid discussing the issues that cause you pain and end up getting divorced because your conflicts have not been resolved.
It is a challenge to be a divorced mother and a single parent to your children even while it feels better than remaining in a painful …

Relationship Advice »

[23 Feb 2011 | 2 Comments | ]

Ernestine Hendricks and I discuss common challenges in marriage including infidelity and why marriage is not obsolete on www.WTWGAM1050.com.
Affairs are a prominent cause for divorce in today’s marriages. Affairs arise from disconnection in a marriage. Spouses stop talking with each other, stop sharing what’s important. Women feel loved and valued through the connection that comes with sharing. Men want to feel respected for their opinions and their achievements.
When we stop feeling loved, valued, respected, or appreciated we tend to go elsewhere. We find someone else when …

Relationship Advice »

[23 Feb 2011 | 3 Comments | ]

Dr. Stan Frager and I discuss marriage in today’s world.
Marriage is not obsolete in spite of what Time Magazine and Pew Research say! People are hungrier than ever for committed relationships in our world of distant, impersonal connecting through text messaging and social media. The problem is that we lack good models for lasting marriages based on the accelerated divorce rate that came with easy divorce laws and the Women’s Movement.
The improved financial condition for women meant that financial stability was no longer the primary motivation for remaining …